Man, it's been a nutty few weeks for MMA. Before we get to the picks, a little recap.
*** Randy/Mark Cuban and the UFC trading lawsuits. UFC won the first battle on this front as they got an injunction to prevent Randy from appearing at the IFL show [which I'm watching right now.] The Cuban one is the interesting one as it calls for a court to determine when Randy is free and clear to fight Fedor.
*** EliteXC had the big Kimbo/Tank show. The show was a lot of fun as I believe 5 of the 6 shows that made air had a KO [and some of those KOs were damn cool] which is really what the casual MMA fan is looking for. Kimbo/Tank was a total freak show fight but it was a fun one. And of course, EXC landed the big news of getting their shows on CBS. That's going to be huge for them and it'll be a big fork in the road for MMA as a sport. Success there opens a lot of doors for MMA on network TV. Failure cements them as "only good enough for cable." Kimbo'll be main eventing their first show on CBS in April so hopefully they can find an opponent that will play huge to the press.
*** Strike Force had a show broadcast on HDNet with Bob Sapp in the main event. That show bombed. I was bored, I fell asleep... I woke up in time to see Sapp attempt a Ric Flair entrance that lasted longer than he did in the fight. Bad, bad show.
Anyways... Picks time. Let's see where we were the last time this happened.
Picks Average For The Year: 13 out of 27 fights for a .482
Money For The Year: +$21
Here goes nothing...
Date: March 1, 2008
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Venue: Nationwide Arena
PRELIMINARY CARD
****************
Andrei Arlovski vs. Jake O’Brien
ODDS: Arlovski -270, O'Brien +210
This is one of the most loaded shows that I can recall in the UFC. When you've got guys like Diego Sanchez and Arlovski on the non-televised card, you know the card is stacked. The rumors are strong that this may be Arlovski's final UFC fight but Dana White announced today that he plans to re-sign him. We'll see, I guess. Arlovski is 11-5, a former UFC Heavyweight Champion coming off a decision win over Werdum in April of '07. O'Brien is 10-0 coming off a decision win over Heath Herring in January '07. Sigh.
PREDICTION: Arlovski by KO in Rd 2
BET: None
Luke Cummo vs. Luigi Fioravanti
ODDS: Cummo -160, Fiorvanti +130
I really like Luke Cummo so I wish he'd made the main card. Cummo is 6-4 coming off a couple of wins last year. Fioravanti is 11-3 but I'm not too impressed with the people he's beaten. I'll go with Cummo.
PREDICTION: Cummo by decision
BET: None
Dustin Hazelett vs. Josh Koscheck
ODDS: Hazelett +300, Koscheck -450
Koscheck is another one I'm surprised to see not make the main card - not disappointed mind you since I hate the motherfucker... but surprised. Hazelett is 10-3 coming off a three fight win streak. Koscheck is 9-2 coming off a loss to GSP after running off 5 in a row. He really should only have one loss but he had that bizarre KO loss to Drew Fickett. I hate picking Koscheck but I can't imagine he'd lose. He'll stall it out at worst. The odds are enough to take a flyer on Hazelett though.
PREDICTION: Koscheck by decision
BET: $10 on Hazelett to win $30
David Bielkheden vs. Diego Sanchez
ODDS: Bielkheden +300, Sanchez =450
Bielkheden is 12-5 and making his UFC debut. Diego is 17-2 coming off two decision losses. You've gotta imagine this poor bastard is being fed to Diego to try to get him back on track. He was supposed to be the Ultimate Fighter Golden Boy... the easy lock for the first UF contestant to win gold. If Diego can get back in his game, this should be an easy fight for him. But the odds are too long not to take a chance.
PREDICTION: Sanchez by TKO in Rd 2
BET: $10 on Bielkheden to win $30
Jorge Gurgel vs. John Halverson
ODDS: Gurgel -200, Halverson +160
Jorge is 11-3 coming off a decision loss last October. Halverson is 16-5 on a three fight win streak but in his first UFC fight since losing to Roger Huerta last February.
PREDICTION: Gurgel by RNC in Rd 2
BET: None
MAIN CARD
*********
Jon Fitch vs. Chris Wilson
ODDS: Fitch -550, Wilson +350
Fitch is... are you ready for this? He's 15-2... on a 14 fight win streak! Chris Wilson is 13-3 on a four fight win streak. A 14 fight win streak? How do you pick against that? But at those odds, you gotta take a chance to bet against it.
PREDICTION: Fitch via RNC in Rd 2 to get the next title shot at 170
BET: $10 on Wilson to make $35
Yushin Okami vs. Evan Tanner
ODDS: Okami -240, Tanner +190
Okami is 20-4 and was running off quite the nice win streak until he had a decision loss to Rich Franklin. So, now he's trying to get back on the winning path and see if he can get a shot at the winner of tomorrow's main event. Tanner is 12-6 but will be in his first fight in two years. This is a win-win for Dana. A win by Okami puts him back in line for a shot at Silva/Henderson. A win by Evan gives another marketable fighter in that division that looks like it will need some fresh blood after tomorrow night.
PREDICTION: Okami by decision
BET: $10 on Tanner to win $19
Chris Leben vs. Alessio Sakara
ODDS: Leben -165, Sakara +135
Leben is 17-4 coming off a great KO win. He just signed a new contract and tends to be one of the most exciting fighters in the UFC often to his own detriment. Sakara is 11-6 coming off a win. This should be a fun fight. Both guys tend to either KO their opponent or get KOd so expect the fists to fly.
PREDICTION: Leben by KO in Rd 2
BET: $10 on Leben to win $6
Heath Herring vs. Cheick Kongo
ODDS: Herring +145, Kongo -175
Herring is 27-13 and is one of those fighters that kinda hold a gatekeeper role. They have pretty good records but usually lose to the big names. He's got wins over guys like Mark Kerr and Gary Goodridge but losses to Cro Cop, Fedor, Noguiera, etc. Kongo is 11-3-1 coming off two wins and I suppose can be credited as running Cro Cop out of the UFC. He's one of my favs but I think he needs more polish to challenge for the title. Noguiera's too much for him to handle. But I think he can get past Herring and probably will be a sacrificial lamb title defense for Nogueira.
PREDICTION: Kongo by decision
BET: $10 on Herring to win $14.50
Middleweight Title Match: Anderson Silva vs Dan Henderson
ODDS: Silva -160, Henderson +130
The final time that a PRIDE championship will be defended essentially ending a major era in the sport's history. This should be an incredible match. Ever since Silva debuted with the impressive KO over Leben and then totally destroyed Rich Franklin twice, many have wondered just who stands between Anderson Silva and cleaning out the division. That's gotta be Dan Henderson. If Silva gets past Henderson, Dana's going to have issues in finding a sellable opponent for Silva. He just looks dominant out there. If he can convince Matt Hughes to go up in weight for it, he could see it but no one will give Hughes a chance. If he can get Wanderlei to drop down to face Anderson, that'll sell a ton. If Hendo wins, you've got more options. Hendo's got a great chance in this one. Since it was announced, this has been my most eagerly anticipated fight of the year. My heart says Silva gets another huge KO after Henderson gets worn down a bit trying to G and P. My head says Henderson follows the Rampage gameplan and does enough on the ground to get it to the judges. I'm going with my heart on this one.
PREDICTION: Anderson Silva by TKO in Rd 4.
BET: $40 on Silva to win $25
And that's that. Enjoy the fights, people!
2008-02-29
Top Five Friday
Ay yo!
It's time for the second edition of Top Five Friday... and in honor of it being a big MMA weekend [the first IFL show of the year is tonight & the UFC PPV is tomorrow night] I've decided on an MMA-themed Top Five and thus...
My Top Five MMA Dream Matches Of The Moment
5. Kimbo Slice vs Bob Sapp
Let's start with the Mother of All Freak Show Fights. Bob Sapp, the man who has made a living off being a freak show fighter in Japan, who incidentally got his ass knocked the fuck out last weekend in no time flat, taking on the YouTube King, Kimbo Slice. So, Kimbo vs Sapp... it soooooo needs to go down in Japan. For one, it'll draw the best there since they love the freak show fight, they love Sapp, and I can't imagine they wouldn't adore Kimbo. For two, since it'd require a weight class change that would probably be a bad idea for both [although Kimbo could probably do it] so you'd need the "relaxed" rules of Japan. It'd be over in no time flat probably but it'd be a fun first round.
4. Chuck Liddell vs Forrest Griffin
This would be better if Chuck was the champ as you'd have the great story of the heavily favored champ taking on his former student, the huge underdog, in what would be a great brawl. Forrest shows no fear and would stand and throw with Chuck. The UFC screwed this one up by booking Forrest vs Rampage but... oooh, fantasy booking hat on! Forrest vs Rampage... Forrest takes Rampage to the limit but ends up losing by controversial decision. In the match, Rampage hurts Forrest pretty bad at some point... maybe a tweaked neck or something from a big slam. Chuck takes up his former student's mantle to go after Rampage... and wins the title. Forrest comes back but instead of being grateful to Chuck... he immediately challenges him for the title. It's beautiful!
3. Mirko CroCop vs Brock Lesnar
I said it a month or so ago... this really is a fantastic dream match but only if it goes down in Japan. This match has lost some luster for me since Brock lost his first fight and CroCop's heading back to Japan to get back in the groove before his UFC return. If CroCop can string together some wins and Brock gets on track, this could be a fantastic match sometime in '09 though.
2. Fedor Emiliananko vs Randy Couture
Couldn't go without everyone's favorite dream match, right? Arguably, the two top heavyweights in the world going toe to toe for the undisputed World Championship. Of course, with Noguiera stopping Sylvia while Randy could only take him to the limit [and with Sylvia having a bad back during the fight], there probably is some "dispute" to it. This fight may happen this year... depending on how the UFC contract scenario shakes out. It's got a limited shelf life though so it needs to happen quick. And preferably before Fedor ends up fighting real competition and loses.
1. Wanderlei Silva vs Anderson Silva
Okay, Wanderlei made a little noise recently about dropping down in weight class if Hendo wins the title tomorrow night... so he could do the same to face Anderson. Two of the best strikers in the world colliding would make for one of the most exciting fights in ages. This is a long shot because I believe they are on the same fight team but it would be awesome.
Okay, that's that. UFC Picks to come tomorrow.
It's time for the second edition of Top Five Friday... and in honor of it being a big MMA weekend [the first IFL show of the year is tonight & the UFC PPV is tomorrow night] I've decided on an MMA-themed Top Five and thus...
My Top Five MMA Dream Matches Of The Moment
5. Kimbo Slice vs Bob Sapp
Let's start with the Mother of All Freak Show Fights. Bob Sapp, the man who has made a living off being a freak show fighter in Japan, who incidentally got his ass knocked the fuck out last weekend in no time flat, taking on the YouTube King, Kimbo Slice. So, Kimbo vs Sapp... it soooooo needs to go down in Japan. For one, it'll draw the best there since they love the freak show fight, they love Sapp, and I can't imagine they wouldn't adore Kimbo. For two, since it'd require a weight class change that would probably be a bad idea for both [although Kimbo could probably do it] so you'd need the "relaxed" rules of Japan. It'd be over in no time flat probably but it'd be a fun first round.
4. Chuck Liddell vs Forrest Griffin
This would be better if Chuck was the champ as you'd have the great story of the heavily favored champ taking on his former student, the huge underdog, in what would be a great brawl. Forrest shows no fear and would stand and throw with Chuck. The UFC screwed this one up by booking Forrest vs Rampage but... oooh, fantasy booking hat on! Forrest vs Rampage... Forrest takes Rampage to the limit but ends up losing by controversial decision. In the match, Rampage hurts Forrest pretty bad at some point... maybe a tweaked neck or something from a big slam. Chuck takes up his former student's mantle to go after Rampage... and wins the title. Forrest comes back but instead of being grateful to Chuck... he immediately challenges him for the title. It's beautiful!
3. Mirko CroCop vs Brock Lesnar
I said it a month or so ago... this really is a fantastic dream match but only if it goes down in Japan. This match has lost some luster for me since Brock lost his first fight and CroCop's heading back to Japan to get back in the groove before his UFC return. If CroCop can string together some wins and Brock gets on track, this could be a fantastic match sometime in '09 though.
2. Fedor Emiliananko vs Randy Couture
Couldn't go without everyone's favorite dream match, right? Arguably, the two top heavyweights in the world going toe to toe for the undisputed World Championship. Of course, with Noguiera stopping Sylvia while Randy could only take him to the limit [and with Sylvia having a bad back during the fight], there probably is some "dispute" to it. This fight may happen this year... depending on how the UFC contract scenario shakes out. It's got a limited shelf life though so it needs to happen quick. And preferably before Fedor ends up fighting real competition and loses.
1. Wanderlei Silva vs Anderson Silva
Okay, Wanderlei made a little noise recently about dropping down in weight class if Hendo wins the title tomorrow night... so he could do the same to face Anderson. Two of the best strikers in the world colliding would make for one of the most exciting fights in ages. This is a long shot because I believe they are on the same fight team but it would be awesome.
Okay, that's that. UFC Picks to come tomorrow.
2008-02-27
Mixtape Of The Month: Cover Me, I'm Going In
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Comic Book Movie Roundup
A few Comic Book Movie tidbits for this sorta early Wednesday morning...
NEWS: Justice League movie back on track for '09 release
REACTION: Oh, fuck a duck. I thought the strike had killed this thing but apparently not. The fact that they're already done with their rewrite that they need frightens me because from all indications, it needed a lot more work than that. On a side note on this project, some dude from Mad Max was cast as the Martian Manhunter - don't know if that's good news or not. I'm scared that we might get another X-Men 3 at best or another Batman & Robin at worst.
NEWS: Favreau to helm Avengers?
REACTION: At WonderCon last weekend, Jon Favreau cracked during his Iron Man panel that if the movie does well enough, he might get to direct Marvel's upcoming Avengers movie. See, that news makes me feel ten times more confident in the Avengers movie than in the Justice League... which is totally fucked because I'm much more of a DC guy than a Marvel guy. A JL movie is like a fanboy's wet dream and it looks to be turning into a soaking nightmare while the Avengers movie looks better and better as Marvel smartly builds towards it. I still think they need to do a Captain America solo flick before jumping into the Avengers but hey... that's just my opinion.
NEWS: Deathstroke in The Dark Knight?
REACTION: This rumor got started a couple of weeks ago when at a toy show someone snuck a shot of a Deathstroke toy from the upcoming Dark Knight toy line. The figure design was apparently approved by Nolan himself which made fanboy hearts aflutter. Problem is that with all the rumors regarding the movie, no one ever stumbled upon this one. Today's addition to the rumor is that Anthony Michael Hall is playing Deathstroke which really just sounds like someone making an educated guess to me since AMH has been signed on to the film for a while but no one knows what role he is playing. There was talk earlier that he'd be doing an Edward Nygma cameo to set up a Riddler appearance in the third [or beyond] flick much like the Joker card teaser at the end of Batman Begins. While I dig the Deathstroke character and find it intriguing what could be done in a Nolan Batman world with him, I find this one hard to believe unless it's just an Easter Egg for fans like Mr. Zsasz was in Begins.
NEWS: SHAZAM! is a go
REACTION: During the Get Smart panel, director Peter Segal announced that SHAZAM! would be his next flick. The guy sounds like he "gets" his source material and that can usually produce very cool results. It's an interesting film to tackle and I just hope he doesn't try to get too cute with it. This one will have a very thin line to tread between serious drama and over-the-top. Good luck, sir! Oh, and the best news on this one... The Rock's been approached to play Black Adam which may be the best idea in ages.
As a bonus, I'm tossing in a pic from the new Hulk movie and one from the upcoming Wolverine solo flick as well... enjoy! [NOTE: Hopefully these pics stay up longer than the GI Joe pics that got relocated right after I posted them.]
[MORE NOTES: I decided to go re-find the GI Joe pics for you guys... and I found a new one as well. Enjoy!]
Meet General Hawk - doesn't look quite right to me.
The lovely Baroness
And the not-so-lovely Duke... which won't embed in the post for some weird reason so go check it out HERE
NEWS: Justice League movie back on track for '09 release
REACTION: Oh, fuck a duck. I thought the strike had killed this thing but apparently not. The fact that they're already done with their rewrite that they need frightens me because from all indications, it needed a lot more work than that. On a side note on this project, some dude from Mad Max was cast as the Martian Manhunter - don't know if that's good news or not. I'm scared that we might get another X-Men 3 at best or another Batman & Robin at worst.
NEWS: Favreau to helm Avengers?
REACTION: At WonderCon last weekend, Jon Favreau cracked during his Iron Man panel that if the movie does well enough, he might get to direct Marvel's upcoming Avengers movie. See, that news makes me feel ten times more confident in the Avengers movie than in the Justice League... which is totally fucked because I'm much more of a DC guy than a Marvel guy. A JL movie is like a fanboy's wet dream and it looks to be turning into a soaking nightmare while the Avengers movie looks better and better as Marvel smartly builds towards it. I still think they need to do a Captain America solo flick before jumping into the Avengers but hey... that's just my opinion.
NEWS: Deathstroke in The Dark Knight?
REACTION: This rumor got started a couple of weeks ago when at a toy show someone snuck a shot of a Deathstroke toy from the upcoming Dark Knight toy line. The figure design was apparently approved by Nolan himself which made fanboy hearts aflutter. Problem is that with all the rumors regarding the movie, no one ever stumbled upon this one. Today's addition to the rumor is that Anthony Michael Hall is playing Deathstroke which really just sounds like someone making an educated guess to me since AMH has been signed on to the film for a while but no one knows what role he is playing. There was talk earlier that he'd be doing an Edward Nygma cameo to set up a Riddler appearance in the third [or beyond] flick much like the Joker card teaser at the end of Batman Begins. While I dig the Deathstroke character and find it intriguing what could be done in a Nolan Batman world with him, I find this one hard to believe unless it's just an Easter Egg for fans like Mr. Zsasz was in Begins.
NEWS: SHAZAM! is a go
REACTION: During the Get Smart panel, director Peter Segal announced that SHAZAM! would be his next flick. The guy sounds like he "gets" his source material and that can usually produce very cool results. It's an interesting film to tackle and I just hope he doesn't try to get too cute with it. This one will have a very thin line to tread between serious drama and over-the-top. Good luck, sir! Oh, and the best news on this one... The Rock's been approached to play Black Adam which may be the best idea in ages.
As a bonus, I'm tossing in a pic from the new Hulk movie and one from the upcoming Wolverine solo flick as well... enjoy! [NOTE: Hopefully these pics stay up longer than the GI Joe pics that got relocated right after I posted them.]
[MORE NOTES: I decided to go re-find the GI Joe pics for you guys... and I found a new one as well. Enjoy!]
Meet General Hawk - doesn't look quite right to me.
The lovely Baroness
And the not-so-lovely Duke... which won't embed in the post for some weird reason so go check it out HERE
It's Going To Be One Of Those Days
Man, I'm getting riled up by half the stuff I see online tonight... this morning... whatever.
I know, I know... I said that I wasn't turning this into a political blog [and trust me, after reading some of the crap in the comments fields on those blogs, I mean it!] but come on... I mean... come on! How can you not look at this and just be physically ill?
Here's the highlights to really twist your stomach...
AUSTIN, Texas - The two sons of Ann Richards, the late former Texas governor, are objecting to an Internet video published by Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential campaign that suggests their mother would have supported Clinton.
Richards was governor from 1991-1995. She died in September 2006 at age 73. The two-minute video on Clinton's campaign Web site comes a week before the Texas primary and targets women voters in the state.
"So many women around Texas and America are saying, `Wish Ann was here, for us and for Hillary,'" a female voiceover says on the video.
"Today Ann would be asking all of us to make a statement. She would be traveling to every small town and big city in Texas, urging us all to take a stand, be counted, to make a difference, to make history," it says while a picture of Richards and Clinton appears on the screen. "This one's for Texas. This one's for our country. This one's for Ann."
OH MY GOD! If that's not the most blatantly, sickening form of emotional blackmail I've ever seen! They are truly sinking to new lows. If you can't win a nomination without using the memory of a dead woman and saying "this one's for her!" then you probably would be better suited in another line of work. I can't believe my family is all supporting her... well, I can... but that's more an indictment of my entire family than any faith in her.
Seriously, that's one step away from "Win one for the Gipper!"
I'm expecting Bill to announce he's dying any day now and that his last wish on Earth would be to see Hillary in the White House. It's gotta happen. She's running out of options.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall in a campaign strategy session. It would be the ultimate reality show.
Alright... to be fair, it says the campaign got the woman's daughter to okay the ad but when her sons protested, their response was, "You're not going to sue us, are you?"
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
When the hell is November going to get here?
EDIT: Oh, you people deserve so much less than me! Look what I found for ya!
I know, I know... I said that I wasn't turning this into a political blog [and trust me, after reading some of the crap in the comments fields on those blogs, I mean it!] but come on... I mean... come on! How can you not look at this and just be physically ill?
Here's the highlights to really twist your stomach...
AUSTIN, Texas - The two sons of Ann Richards, the late former Texas governor, are objecting to an Internet video published by Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential campaign that suggests their mother would have supported Clinton.
Richards was governor from 1991-1995. She died in September 2006 at age 73. The two-minute video on Clinton's campaign Web site comes a week before the Texas primary and targets women voters in the state.
"So many women around Texas and America are saying, `Wish Ann was here, for us and for Hillary,'" a female voiceover says on the video.
"Today Ann would be asking all of us to make a statement. She would be traveling to every small town and big city in Texas, urging us all to take a stand, be counted, to make a difference, to make history," it says while a picture of Richards and Clinton appears on the screen. "This one's for Texas. This one's for our country. This one's for Ann."
OH MY GOD! If that's not the most blatantly, sickening form of emotional blackmail I've ever seen! They are truly sinking to new lows. If you can't win a nomination without using the memory of a dead woman and saying "this one's for her!" then you probably would be better suited in another line of work. I can't believe my family is all supporting her... well, I can... but that's more an indictment of my entire family than any faith in her.
Seriously, that's one step away from "Win one for the Gipper!"
I'm expecting Bill to announce he's dying any day now and that his last wish on Earth would be to see Hillary in the White House. It's gotta happen. She's running out of options.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall in a campaign strategy session. It would be the ultimate reality show.
Alright... to be fair, it says the campaign got the woman's daughter to okay the ad but when her sons protested, their response was, "You're not going to sue us, are you?"
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
When the hell is November going to get here?
EDIT: Oh, you people deserve so much less than me! Look what I found for ya!
I Won't Back Down
Tom Petty is the fucking man.
I'll pause for a moment to let that sink in.
Everyone got it?
Okay, so now let me show you why. While I was on here ranting and raving about the music industry yesterday, I was completely oblivious to the fact that Tom Petty had already done it for me. His song, The Last DJ, was fresh on my mind yesterday so that may have led to my ranting.
Anyways... I gave you three reasons why the music industry sucks. Tom Petty is prepared to give you ten reasons why it sucks.
I'll pause for a moment to let that sink in.
Everyone got it?
Okay, so now let me show you why. While I was on here ranting and raving about the music industry yesterday, I was completely oblivious to the fact that Tom Petty had already done it for me. His song, The Last DJ, was fresh on my mind yesterday so that may have led to my ranting.
Anyways... I gave you three reasons why the music industry sucks. Tom Petty is prepared to give you ten reasons why it sucks.
The Golden Child
What the hell is going on with Eddie Murphy's career? I've been on a bit of a Dreamgirls kick lately [fuck you too] and he was excellent in that... the perfect blend of over-the-top and sympathetic while still being a complete dickhole. Perfect. Then, of course, everyone knows about Norbit. I argue that maybe he was already signed on for that before he hit dramatic greatness in Dreamgirls. But I'm looking at IMDB and I can't believe the slate of shit that awaits. The only thing that looks promising is a flick in pre-production called "1,000 Words" which has a plot synop of "What happens when a man learns he only has 1,000 words to speak before he dies" - a premise that sounds like it could be quite soulful and touching but could be turned into something far, far different. Considering Brian Robbins of Head Of The Class fame is directing and thusfar in his stellar career has turned in pics like Norbit and Wild Hogs, I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up.
That's really all I had. Sorry!
Just read that he got 15.5 mil for Norbit.
...
Those motherfuckers in Hollywood should be strung up for holding out on the writers while giving Eddie 15.5 mil for Norbit. Holy fucking shit.
In fact... look at this...
* Best Defense (1984) $1,000,000
* Beverly Hills Cop III (1994) $15,000,000
* The Nutty Professor (1996) $20,000,000
* Dr. Dolittle (1998) $20,000,000
* Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000) $20,000,000 + $36,633,393 (20% of the $181,166,965 gross)
* Shrek (2001) $3,000,000
* Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001) $20,000,000
* The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) $20,000,000
* Shrek 2 (2004) $10,000,000
* Dreamgirls (2006) $3,850,000
* Norbit (2007) $15,500,000
* Shrek the Third (2007) $15,500,000
* Jermaine Bolling (2010) $15,500,000
That son of a bitch is a rich, rich man. He got 15.5 mil for JUST TALKING IN SHREK 3! And they're making a Shrek 4? Didn't we all get sick of Shrek somewhere around... ohhh... the opening credits of Shrek 2: Shrek Harder?
Ok... now... that's really all I had. Swear.
He had a song called "Boogie In Your Butt?!" Why do I not own this gem?!
After downloading Bob Saget's classic tune, "My Dog Licked My Balls" earlier tonight... err, this morning... I feel the need to own all songs by comedians... whether they are intentionally funny or not.
Seriously... I'm done now.
Wait. His illegitimate daughter is named Angel Iris Murphy Brown? Seriously? Somewhere Candice Bergen is smiling since she's still relevant to someone in the world not named Aretha Franklin.
Right. I've made fun of him as an actor, a musician, and his bastard daughter.
Not bad for 16 minutes of effort.
That's really all I had. Sorry!
Just read that he got 15.5 mil for Norbit.
...
Those motherfuckers in Hollywood should be strung up for holding out on the writers while giving Eddie 15.5 mil for Norbit. Holy fucking shit.
In fact... look at this...
* Best Defense (1984) $1,000,000
* Beverly Hills Cop III (1994) $15,000,000
* The Nutty Professor (1996) $20,000,000
* Dr. Dolittle (1998) $20,000,000
* Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000) $20,000,000 + $36,633,393 (20% of the $181,166,965 gross)
* Shrek (2001) $3,000,000
* Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001) $20,000,000
* The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) $20,000,000
* Shrek 2 (2004) $10,000,000
* Dreamgirls (2006) $3,850,000
* Norbit (2007) $15,500,000
* Shrek the Third (2007) $15,500,000
* Jermaine Bolling (2010) $15,500,000
That son of a bitch is a rich, rich man. He got 15.5 mil for JUST TALKING IN SHREK 3! And they're making a Shrek 4? Didn't we all get sick of Shrek somewhere around... ohhh... the opening credits of Shrek 2: Shrek Harder?
Ok... now... that's really all I had. Swear.
He had a song called "Boogie In Your Butt?!" Why do I not own this gem?!
After downloading Bob Saget's classic tune, "My Dog Licked My Balls" earlier tonight... err, this morning... I feel the need to own all songs by comedians... whether they are intentionally funny or not.
Seriously... I'm done now.
Wait. His illegitimate daughter is named Angel Iris Murphy Brown? Seriously? Somewhere Candice Bergen is smiling since she's still relevant to someone in the world not named Aretha Franklin.
Right. I've made fun of him as an actor, a musician, and his bastard daughter.
Not bad for 16 minutes of effort.
2008-02-26
The Homogenization of Music
I was scouring some of my favorite mp3 blogs this morning to check out what else is out there in the world and I stumbled upon an interested piece of an interview [in addition to some great music.] I've never heard of this guy giving the interview but he had a very interesting thought process when it came to commercial music that I thought the rest of the world should see so I'm paying it forward.
From the folks at Captain Obvious...
Obvious: Dude, I was surprised to see that you have an artist page on CMT.com. Which brings me to this.. why does popular country music suck so terribly?
Burr: That's another great question. First off, it's always funny to me to see myself there, because it's just an odd combination. But I still take it as a compliment. If anyone's willing to accept my music as it is, and introduce me to a new audience, then I'm game. Anyway, I'm not real sure how pop country came to be this way. I think the nineties and the Clinton de-regulation of the airwaves killed commercial pop as a whole because it just got so homogenized. I mean commercial airwaves is how major labels have to sell their product - that's their only shot because their overhead is so ridiculously high. It's really a broken model... but when de-regulation happened and now 90% of domestic commercial airwaves are owned by two corporations, you have this homogenization that's occurred with playlists being forced down from on high and accommodating less diversity of sound and artists...The people at the top care about maximizing the profit dollar only - I mean it *is* business - and the way to do that is to water down the sound so each song/record hits the widest market segment possible. Pedal steel now becomes "too ethnic." And banjo too, etc. You've got a bunch of people hailing Cash and Townes Van Zandt, but none of these artists sound anything like them. It's a weird thing. I don't fully understand it. But there's plenty of people in line that just want to make it. They just want to sing - doesn't really matter what.
And there are times you just can't follow something so eloquently said.
From the folks at Captain Obvious...
Obvious: Dude, I was surprised to see that you have an artist page on CMT.com. Which brings me to this.. why does popular country music suck so terribly?
Burr: That's another great question. First off, it's always funny to me to see myself there, because it's just an odd combination. But I still take it as a compliment. If anyone's willing to accept my music as it is, and introduce me to a new audience, then I'm game. Anyway, I'm not real sure how pop country came to be this way. I think the nineties and the Clinton de-regulation of the airwaves killed commercial pop as a whole because it just got so homogenized. I mean commercial airwaves is how major labels have to sell their product - that's their only shot because their overhead is so ridiculously high. It's really a broken model... but when de-regulation happened and now 90% of domestic commercial airwaves are owned by two corporations, you have this homogenization that's occurred with playlists being forced down from on high and accommodating less diversity of sound and artists...The people at the top care about maximizing the profit dollar only - I mean it *is* business - and the way to do that is to water down the sound so each song/record hits the widest market segment possible. Pedal steel now becomes "too ethnic." And banjo too, etc. You've got a bunch of people hailing Cash and Townes Van Zandt, but none of these artists sound anything like them. It's a weird thing. I don't fully understand it. But there's plenty of people in line that just want to make it. They just want to sing - doesn't really matter what.
And there are times you just can't follow something so eloquently said.
2008-02-25
There Will Be Old Men
Hrmm.
I hate it when I may be wrong. It really pisses me off and is quite the blow to my eternal feeling of perfection in all things.
But...
I may have been mistaken in my movie reviews from Sunday morning. I might have been hasty and speaking before I had time to process them a bit and wrap my arms completely around them.
And no, I'm not just saying this because they were both successful on Oscar Night. I was really thinking about There Will Be Blood specifically for a large portion of the day.
As I said earlier, my only real issue with it was the lack of cohesive feel... the lack of a continuing narrative from one segment to the next... the thread that ties the movie together rather than it being four or five individual portions of a film. The ending, while very well-done, also felt a little... off... to me. It seemed extreme and out of character. But the more I've thought about the movie and done a little digging on the Interweb to get a sense of what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish, I get a better feeling about the movie. I start to embrace it a bit more and understand more of what they were aiming to do.
Yes, I know. It seems odd that you have to research a movie to figure out if you like it but... well, it is what it is. I think There Will Be Blood was going to be an easier sell to me as I liked the acting and almost everything about it... but I just needed that one thread to tie it all together to be able to embrace what the movie was _truly_ about. I knew the plot... but I didn't understand the point. I think I've got a grip on this one now and while I still don't think it was Best Picture worthy, I can see it being nominated... and yes, I think I would be more-than-willing to watch it again to see if a second viewing will make me like it as much as I think it might.
No Country For Old Men? Well, it dawned on me Sunday night that it was made by the Coen Brothers... which instantly made sense to me. Years ago, Mrs. Blue [before she was Mrs. Blue] dragged me to see some movie that was getting a lot of buzz called Fargo... yes, that Fargo. I despised it. It just didn't click for me and came off as hollow. Years later when I rewatched it, I found myself enjoying it and I've actually seen it a few times lately on Starz. It's an excellent flick that grew on me with time and... oh, let's just say "maturity" for the chance to be both "artistic" and "ironic." The Coens were also behind The Big Lebowski which I completely hated when I first saw it and now cling to like Linus to his blanket to the extreme of having bought a bunch of talking Lebowski bobbleheads at Comic-Con last year to distribute to my friends.
So, the Coens and I go way back in me misunderstanding and despising their work inititally only to find great enjoyment in it years later. When I realized that NCFOM was their work... well, let's just say I looked forward to watching it on the HD IMAX of my mind in 2013 and enjoying the fuck out of it.
I'm still not sold on NCFOM's ending... I'm just not. I loved the rest of it [minus a few snags] and thought it was very well done... until the last ten minutes or so. Can ten minutes completely kill a movie for someone? I drew the comparison earlier but there's been many a wrestling match that has gotten rave reviews that spotlight, "It would have been a Match of the Year... except for the shitty finish." That is NCFOM in a nutshell to me.
BUT...
That being said, sometimes it takes a little insight to bring enlightenment... and after a LOT of reading Sunday night on the Interweb, I think I "get" what they were trying to do. It's sad that it comes to that... but yeah, I think I get what they were trying to accomplish.
Look, I appreciate television and movies that make people think. I don't like to be spoonfed bullshit that is paint-by-numbers... all the time. Everything has it's place in the entertainment world... except King Arthur. Fuck that shit.
So, with that in mind... if I'm correct in what they were trying to accomplish with NCFOM, well... they succeeded. In trying to paint a bigger picture, the smaller details were forsaken and they left behind an audience saying, "What the fuck?" It's a bad thing short-term... but it's only a bad thing if the road ends there. If you take the time to figure it out... well, it can end up being a rewarding experience.
I think I "get it" which makes me smile a bit - at both myself for so completely reversing opinions and at the Coens for making me do so. I applaud them for thinking outside the box... as long as they knew what they were getting themselves into.
I'm being very vague here and I know it. But... well, I feel a little guilty for tearing into these two films now. Both should be viewed so people can decide for themselves. There will be movies, TV shows, albums that I will flatly tell you are not worth the shit on my shoes and should be treated accordingly. These two I'm giving advance warning that... well, you may not like them when you walk out but don't let your brain check out there.
Think a little bit about it... discuss it with others... then form your opinion. If you still think it's asstastic, more power to you.
But even the best of us still have the ability to surprise ourselves... and that's a hell of a thing to treasure.
Speaking of movies to think about, Major League is on. Man, Ricky Vaughn's motivation and drive chills me to the bone as does the director's political statement on a post-Cold War society trying to deal with the harshness of demilitarization.
Or maybe it's just a bitchin' baseball flick.
Fuck it. You figure it out.
I hate it when I may be wrong. It really pisses me off and is quite the blow to my eternal feeling of perfection in all things.
But...
I may have been mistaken in my movie reviews from Sunday morning. I might have been hasty and speaking before I had time to process them a bit and wrap my arms completely around them.
And no, I'm not just saying this because they were both successful on Oscar Night. I was really thinking about There Will Be Blood specifically for a large portion of the day.
As I said earlier, my only real issue with it was the lack of cohesive feel... the lack of a continuing narrative from one segment to the next... the thread that ties the movie together rather than it being four or five individual portions of a film. The ending, while very well-done, also felt a little... off... to me. It seemed extreme and out of character. But the more I've thought about the movie and done a little digging on the Interweb to get a sense of what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish, I get a better feeling about the movie. I start to embrace it a bit more and understand more of what they were aiming to do.
Yes, I know. It seems odd that you have to research a movie to figure out if you like it but... well, it is what it is. I think There Will Be Blood was going to be an easier sell to me as I liked the acting and almost everything about it... but I just needed that one thread to tie it all together to be able to embrace what the movie was _truly_ about. I knew the plot... but I didn't understand the point. I think I've got a grip on this one now and while I still don't think it was Best Picture worthy, I can see it being nominated... and yes, I think I would be more-than-willing to watch it again to see if a second viewing will make me like it as much as I think it might.
No Country For Old Men? Well, it dawned on me Sunday night that it was made by the Coen Brothers... which instantly made sense to me. Years ago, Mrs. Blue [before she was Mrs. Blue] dragged me to see some movie that was getting a lot of buzz called Fargo... yes, that Fargo. I despised it. It just didn't click for me and came off as hollow. Years later when I rewatched it, I found myself enjoying it and I've actually seen it a few times lately on Starz. It's an excellent flick that grew on me with time and... oh, let's just say "maturity" for the chance to be both "artistic" and "ironic." The Coens were also behind The Big Lebowski which I completely hated when I first saw it and now cling to like Linus to his blanket to the extreme of having bought a bunch of talking Lebowski bobbleheads at Comic-Con last year to distribute to my friends.
So, the Coens and I go way back in me misunderstanding and despising their work inititally only to find great enjoyment in it years later. When I realized that NCFOM was their work... well, let's just say I looked forward to watching it on the HD IMAX of my mind in 2013 and enjoying the fuck out of it.
I'm still not sold on NCFOM's ending... I'm just not. I loved the rest of it [minus a few snags] and thought it was very well done... until the last ten minutes or so. Can ten minutes completely kill a movie for someone? I drew the comparison earlier but there's been many a wrestling match that has gotten rave reviews that spotlight, "It would have been a Match of the Year... except for the shitty finish." That is NCFOM in a nutshell to me.
BUT...
That being said, sometimes it takes a little insight to bring enlightenment... and after a LOT of reading Sunday night on the Interweb, I think I "get" what they were trying to do. It's sad that it comes to that... but yeah, I think I get what they were trying to accomplish.
Look, I appreciate television and movies that make people think. I don't like to be spoonfed bullshit that is paint-by-numbers... all the time. Everything has it's place in the entertainment world... except King Arthur. Fuck that shit.
So, with that in mind... if I'm correct in what they were trying to accomplish with NCFOM, well... they succeeded. In trying to paint a bigger picture, the smaller details were forsaken and they left behind an audience saying, "What the fuck?" It's a bad thing short-term... but it's only a bad thing if the road ends there. If you take the time to figure it out... well, it can end up being a rewarding experience.
I think I "get it" which makes me smile a bit - at both myself for so completely reversing opinions and at the Coens for making me do so. I applaud them for thinking outside the box... as long as they knew what they were getting themselves into.
I'm being very vague here and I know it. But... well, I feel a little guilty for tearing into these two films now. Both should be viewed so people can decide for themselves. There will be movies, TV shows, albums that I will flatly tell you are not worth the shit on my shoes and should be treated accordingly. These two I'm giving advance warning that... well, you may not like them when you walk out but don't let your brain check out there.
Think a little bit about it... discuss it with others... then form your opinion. If you still think it's asstastic, more power to you.
But even the best of us still have the ability to surprise ourselves... and that's a hell of a thing to treasure.
Speaking of movies to think about, Major League is on. Man, Ricky Vaughn's motivation and drive chills me to the bone as does the director's political statement on a post-Cold War society trying to deal with the harshness of demilitarization.
Or maybe it's just a bitchin' baseball flick.
Fuck it. You figure it out.
2008-02-24
Holy christ!
The title of this post was my exact comment when I saw this picture. This is a post-match photo of a Japanese wrestler named "RG" after a run-in with Japanese wrestling legend Toshiaki Kawada. Kawada, obviously, is known for being one of the hardest hitting guys in the business.
Next time you're play-chopping someone and yelling "WOOOOO!" think fondly of Mr. Kawada or he may show up at your house and do this to you.
Next time you're play-chopping someone and yelling "WOOOOO!" think fondly of Mr. Kawada or he may show up at your house and do this to you.
And the Oscar goes to...
Wow! What a day I had yesterday!
Thanks to a tipoff from a friend from college, we discovered that the AMC theater chain was showing all five Best Picture nominees yesterday for $30. Not a bad deal and since we have always wanted to see all five before the awards, we decided to do it.
Mild spoilers to come so... yeah, consider yourselves warned.
They started off with Michael Clayton. I dug it. It wasn't anything blowaway friggin' fantastic but I dug it. I could probably watch it again if I stumbled across it on HBO or something. Clooney was cool in it as he tends to be cool in just about everything he's in... except Batman And Robin. Is it just me or does that man just ooze coolness? I don't want it sound like I have a Vince Vaughn-ish mancrush on him or something but damn... he just seems cool. Did I mention yet that he seems cool? Plus, it's got the psycho mob boss guy from Batman Begins in it as he plays... well, a psycho lawyer. "Help me, help me, Dr. Crane. I can't take it anymore." Good shit. I'll give this one a thumbs up... check it out when it hits DVD.
There Will Be Blood was next. Sigh. Okay, going into this day, it was fairly obvious that everyone and their mother was calling There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men as the favorites in the Best Picture race. In fact, another friend told me there was no point in seeing anything else on the list. So, I was really looking forward to this one. First, the good... the acting in this was awesome and I believe without looking at the list of nominees, Daniel Day Lewis deserves the Best Actor nod. That being said, this movie just didn't do it for me. It was very enthralling at times and I would really get into it. But once it was all said and done, I felt a little hollow from it. It just seemed to fall flat at the finish. There was a very emotional and dramatic finish... but when the credits were rolling, I just couldn't wrap my head around what it all was supposed to mean. I couldn't put my finger on the plotline that ran all the way through to conclusion. Maybe it was just over my head. Maybe I was too distracted by how cold it was in the theater. Not sure. But it just fell flat to me and didn't seem like a Best Picture.
Atonement was next... and as much as it absolutely kills me to say it, I actually enjoyed this one. Yeah, it was a sappy love story but it had some substance to it and actually worked for me. I thought the first portion of the movie was very well-done and had me interested to see how it turned out. The second part wasn't as good but it was at least still interesting to see how things will be resolved. The finish, which some will hate, was okay to me... was logical... and was tied up nicely. It may not have the type of ending many will be looking for but at least it didn't try to get too cute for it's own good. At this point, I actually had this in the lead for my favorite of the day.
Juno was after that. We had actually already seen Juno a few weeks ago but we decided to sit through it again even though they were letting people come and go as they wanted. The second viewing didn't lose much and actually endeared it to me even more. It's a smart, funny, clever flick. It has good actors playing their roles very well and is a movie that will age very well, I think. I would be pretty shocked if they won Best Picture but I would be very happy for them as well. Whoever described it as this year's Little Miss Sunshine hit the nail on the head. It's a comedy with a lot of heart and that's a rare thing in the Meet The Spartans and whatever movie with Martin Lawrence in a fat suit is out this week.
The finale was No Country For Old Men which my friend had complained about going on last since it was "the likely winner." Hrmm. You ever have a friend telling you about a movie they saw recently and their "review" has the line, "You know, it was a really good movie until the ending." That sums up this movie to a tee. There were things about it I really liked as it was progressing and things that I really didn't like... but on the whole, I thought it was well on its' way to being the easy pick for Best Picture. But then, it ended. And I was left saying, "Wait... what?" And then you hear the rumblings like, "Well, that's two hours of my life I'll never get back." not every movie has to wrap up things in a pretty bow to be good. Sideways was a fantastic recent flick that is an example of that. But that one was just too open. It was too much of a dangling narrative with no resolution... and I suppose it may have a resolution if you imagine your own but seriously, if I wanted to imagine my own ending, I'd buy some Choose Your Own Adventure books.
In conclusion, I'd say Sweeney Todd got fucking hosed. It may not have been the best movie of the year but it damn sure didn't deserve to get shut out of this category. I'd say it was even better than a movie I liked in Michael Clayton let alone the couple I didn't care for.
But in further conclusion, I'd say Juno or Atonement deserves this win. I'd love to see Juno win it but I wouldn't be upset if Atonement got it. Michael Clayton is in the middle. It was good... but it didn't knock my socks off. I'd be surprised if it won and I'd think it wasn't deserving. The other two... I can see the lemmings following right along and voting for it since everyone told them how great it was.
I guess in conclusion of the conclusions, when the wrestling websites and newsletters are discussing the Match of the Year... I always think that the basic criteria should be that if you think you'd ever want to see that match again, you should consider it for Match of the Year. So, in the most simple terms, the movie that you want to watch again should be considered the Best Picture. And of course, you probably eliminate stuff like Walk Hard or Superbad because it's obviously not the best acting or the best plot or whatever... but yeah, at heart, I'd say it's the best movie you saw all year that you would actually want to see again... not the one that everyone else tells you is the best movie you saw all year.
Thanks to a tipoff from a friend from college, we discovered that the AMC theater chain was showing all five Best Picture nominees yesterday for $30. Not a bad deal and since we have always wanted to see all five before the awards, we decided to do it.
Mild spoilers to come so... yeah, consider yourselves warned.
They started off with Michael Clayton. I dug it. It wasn't anything blowaway friggin' fantastic but I dug it. I could probably watch it again if I stumbled across it on HBO or something. Clooney was cool in it as he tends to be cool in just about everything he's in... except Batman And Robin. Is it just me or does that man just ooze coolness? I don't want it sound like I have a Vince Vaughn-ish mancrush on him or something but damn... he just seems cool. Did I mention yet that he seems cool? Plus, it's got the psycho mob boss guy from Batman Begins in it as he plays... well, a psycho lawyer. "Help me, help me, Dr. Crane. I can't take it anymore." Good shit. I'll give this one a thumbs up... check it out when it hits DVD.
There Will Be Blood was next. Sigh. Okay, going into this day, it was fairly obvious that everyone and their mother was calling There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men as the favorites in the Best Picture race. In fact, another friend told me there was no point in seeing anything else on the list. So, I was really looking forward to this one. First, the good... the acting in this was awesome and I believe without looking at the list of nominees, Daniel Day Lewis deserves the Best Actor nod. That being said, this movie just didn't do it for me. It was very enthralling at times and I would really get into it. But once it was all said and done, I felt a little hollow from it. It just seemed to fall flat at the finish. There was a very emotional and dramatic finish... but when the credits were rolling, I just couldn't wrap my head around what it all was supposed to mean. I couldn't put my finger on the plotline that ran all the way through to conclusion. Maybe it was just over my head. Maybe I was too distracted by how cold it was in the theater. Not sure. But it just fell flat to me and didn't seem like a Best Picture.
Atonement was next... and as much as it absolutely kills me to say it, I actually enjoyed this one. Yeah, it was a sappy love story but it had some substance to it and actually worked for me. I thought the first portion of the movie was very well-done and had me interested to see how it turned out. The second part wasn't as good but it was at least still interesting to see how things will be resolved. The finish, which some will hate, was okay to me... was logical... and was tied up nicely. It may not have the type of ending many will be looking for but at least it didn't try to get too cute for it's own good. At this point, I actually had this in the lead for my favorite of the day.
Juno was after that. We had actually already seen Juno a few weeks ago but we decided to sit through it again even though they were letting people come and go as they wanted. The second viewing didn't lose much and actually endeared it to me even more. It's a smart, funny, clever flick. It has good actors playing their roles very well and is a movie that will age very well, I think. I would be pretty shocked if they won Best Picture but I would be very happy for them as well. Whoever described it as this year's Little Miss Sunshine hit the nail on the head. It's a comedy with a lot of heart and that's a rare thing in the Meet The Spartans and whatever movie with Martin Lawrence in a fat suit is out this week.
The finale was No Country For Old Men which my friend had complained about going on last since it was "the likely winner." Hrmm. You ever have a friend telling you about a movie they saw recently and their "review" has the line, "You know, it was a really good movie until the ending." That sums up this movie to a tee. There were things about it I really liked as it was progressing and things that I really didn't like... but on the whole, I thought it was well on its' way to being the easy pick for Best Picture. But then, it ended. And I was left saying, "Wait... what?" And then you hear the rumblings like, "Well, that's two hours of my life I'll never get back." not every movie has to wrap up things in a pretty bow to be good. Sideways was a fantastic recent flick that is an example of that. But that one was just too open. It was too much of a dangling narrative with no resolution... and I suppose it may have a resolution if you imagine your own but seriously, if I wanted to imagine my own ending, I'd buy some Choose Your Own Adventure books.
In conclusion, I'd say Sweeney Todd got fucking hosed. It may not have been the best movie of the year but it damn sure didn't deserve to get shut out of this category. I'd say it was even better than a movie I liked in Michael Clayton let alone the couple I didn't care for.
But in further conclusion, I'd say Juno or Atonement deserves this win. I'd love to see Juno win it but I wouldn't be upset if Atonement got it. Michael Clayton is in the middle. It was good... but it didn't knock my socks off. I'd be surprised if it won and I'd think it wasn't deserving. The other two... I can see the lemmings following right along and voting for it since everyone told them how great it was.
I guess in conclusion of the conclusions, when the wrestling websites and newsletters are discussing the Match of the Year... I always think that the basic criteria should be that if you think you'd ever want to see that match again, you should consider it for Match of the Year. So, in the most simple terms, the movie that you want to watch again should be considered the Best Picture. And of course, you probably eliminate stuff like Walk Hard or Superbad because it's obviously not the best acting or the best plot or whatever... but yeah, at heart, I'd say it's the best movie you saw all year that you would actually want to see again... not the one that everyone else tells you is the best movie you saw all year.
2008-02-22
First pic from the GI Joe set
Just ran across this and thought you all might be interested.
This is the first pic of Sienna Miller as the Baroness - well, I'd guess not _quite_ as the Baroness.
Doesn't show us much but if it makes you feel better, I read an interview with her earlier in the week where she described that she's been working hard learning to shoot with live ammo and "running around in tight, thigh-high leather boots." Now _that's_ the Baroness.
And this... is Duke.
...
He kinda looks like John Cena. Maybe Cena should've played Duke if that's what they wanted.
Top Five Friday
On a gloomy Friday morning with Encore Love Stories doin' a brotha a solid and showing High Fidelity, one of my favorite movies, I decided to pay a little tribute to the flick by doing a Top 5... which was actually something I was thinking of making a regular Friday feature on here anyways. So, with that in mind and with the screenplay idea I've been kicking around for a few days [one that actually kept me from sleeping earlier in the week], I propose...
The Top 5 movies I always wanted to see a sequel to.
5. ET
An odd choice for sure and one that I don't even think I'd want to see anymore. But as a impressionable youth, I always remember a lot of talk about a sequel where we would get to see ET's home planet. Now, as a kid, that sounded like the coolest fucking thing in the world to me. As an adult, I think I'd rather see the Predator's home planet... or an entire flick based on Planet Spaceball. I mean, seriously... what the fuck could you do on ET's home planet once you got there? As an adult [or as close as I may get], I envision an entire race of ETs going to war to defend their planet. How about the Predators invading ET's home planet? Now that might work out. ET's glowing healing finger vs the Predator's spear of death... and I don't mean that in a sexual way. Maybe that's the ticket.
4. Fletch
Yes, I am aware they made a sequel to Fletch [which actually is pretty kickass... go watch it.] But they need more. Fletch should have been an entire franchise. It could've spanned decades with its total greatness. It could have been like the Bond movies where when Chevy Chase got too old, you just swapped in a new actor. Apparently they tried to relaunch this series a few years ago with Kevin Smith at the helm... but Kevin Smith really wanted Jason Lee to play the lead and at the time, the studio had no fucking clue who he was. Isn't it ironic... don'tcha think? I don't know if I would have cast him either. He seems too over-the-top to play insurance agent Harry S. Truman or John Cocktoseorn. I'm not sure who I would sub in in that spot. Maybe that's a good Top 5 for next Friday.
3. Tango And Cash
Oh, fuck you too. Tango And Cash is a criminally underrated action flick. Kurt Russell and Sly with a scorching hot Teri Hatcher?! Sign me up! I mean... we got sequels to a ton of crappy action flicks from the 80's and 90's so why can't we get some sequels for the good ones. It's been a long time since the original came out but it's not like Stallone's doing anything but making sequels to his old shit right now. And Kurt Russell hasn't done anything of note since Tombstone. Come to think of it, neither has Val Kilmer. Maybe we need a Tombstone seq- wait, that won't work. TOMBSTONE PREQUEL! BOOK IT, HOLLYWOOD!
2. Friday
Yes, I realize there was a Friday sequel... maybe two or three of them at last count. BUT... there's never been a _true_ Friday sequel. They whored out that series for a few fucking dollars instead of treasuring the utter brilliance and charm of the original. I saw that movie countless times during my freshman year of college and it is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of my favorites. I want another Friday. I want another day where you ain't got no job and you ain't got shit to do. I want Ice Cube and Chris Tucker sitting on a fucking porch, smoking weed, and watching a day in the neighborhood. How hard is that? Is that too much to fucking ask? I'm irritated by this one... don't mind me.
And the #1 sequel that I want to see...
1. The Goonies
HEEEEEY YOUUUUU GUYS! Okay, what is it with long-rumored sequels from my youth? For ages, we've heard about a sequel to this being made. Several months ago, I stumbled upon a script online that someone claimed was _the_ official pitched script for the Goonies 2 movie that seemed to follow Sean Astin in interviews during the LOTR media blitz. It was golden. It was incomplete... but golden. It starts with a flashback of One Eyed Willie torturing some poor bastard who wants to join his pirate crew. Then we get Chester Copperpot's son trying to buy the map from the original from Mikey who owns a... I think it was a pawn shop. Mikey and some chick are getting married and we get to see the reaction of grownup Data, Chunk, and Mouth as they receive the invitation. So, the basic gist is that they're all going to get together at Mikey's wedding and ultimately have another adventure. IT'S GOLD! IT'S BRILLIANT! I WANT IT ON MY LOCAL CINEPLEX SCREEN TOMORROW! MAKE IT SO!
And that's that. Enjoy your weekend.
The Top 5 movies I always wanted to see a sequel to.
5. ET
An odd choice for sure and one that I don't even think I'd want to see anymore. But as a impressionable youth, I always remember a lot of talk about a sequel where we would get to see ET's home planet. Now, as a kid, that sounded like the coolest fucking thing in the world to me. As an adult, I think I'd rather see the Predator's home planet... or an entire flick based on Planet Spaceball. I mean, seriously... what the fuck could you do on ET's home planet once you got there? As an adult [or as close as I may get], I envision an entire race of ETs going to war to defend their planet. How about the Predators invading ET's home planet? Now that might work out. ET's glowing healing finger vs the Predator's spear of death... and I don't mean that in a sexual way. Maybe that's the ticket.
4. Fletch
Yes, I am aware they made a sequel to Fletch [which actually is pretty kickass... go watch it.] But they need more. Fletch should have been an entire franchise. It could've spanned decades with its total greatness. It could have been like the Bond movies where when Chevy Chase got too old, you just swapped in a new actor. Apparently they tried to relaunch this series a few years ago with Kevin Smith at the helm... but Kevin Smith really wanted Jason Lee to play the lead and at the time, the studio had no fucking clue who he was. Isn't it ironic... don'tcha think? I don't know if I would have cast him either. He seems too over-the-top to play insurance agent Harry S. Truman or John Cocktoseorn. I'm not sure who I would sub in in that spot. Maybe that's a good Top 5 for next Friday.
3. Tango And Cash
Oh, fuck you too. Tango And Cash is a criminally underrated action flick. Kurt Russell and Sly with a scorching hot Teri Hatcher?! Sign me up! I mean... we got sequels to a ton of crappy action flicks from the 80's and 90's so why can't we get some sequels for the good ones. It's been a long time since the original came out but it's not like Stallone's doing anything but making sequels to his old shit right now. And Kurt Russell hasn't done anything of note since Tombstone. Come to think of it, neither has Val Kilmer. Maybe we need a Tombstone seq- wait, that won't work. TOMBSTONE PREQUEL! BOOK IT, HOLLYWOOD!
2. Friday
Yes, I realize there was a Friday sequel... maybe two or three of them at last count. BUT... there's never been a _true_ Friday sequel. They whored out that series for a few fucking dollars instead of treasuring the utter brilliance and charm of the original. I saw that movie countless times during my freshman year of college and it is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of my favorites. I want another Friday. I want another day where you ain't got no job and you ain't got shit to do. I want Ice Cube and Chris Tucker sitting on a fucking porch, smoking weed, and watching a day in the neighborhood. How hard is that? Is that too much to fucking ask? I'm irritated by this one... don't mind me.
And the #1 sequel that I want to see...
1. The Goonies
HEEEEEY YOUUUUU GUYS! Okay, what is it with long-rumored sequels from my youth? For ages, we've heard about a sequel to this being made. Several months ago, I stumbled upon a script online that someone claimed was _the_ official pitched script for the Goonies 2 movie that seemed to follow Sean Astin in interviews during the LOTR media blitz. It was golden. It was incomplete... but golden. It starts with a flashback of One Eyed Willie torturing some poor bastard who wants to join his pirate crew. Then we get Chester Copperpot's son trying to buy the map from the original from Mikey who owns a... I think it was a pawn shop. Mikey and some chick are getting married and we get to see the reaction of grownup Data, Chunk, and Mouth as they receive the invitation. So, the basic gist is that they're all going to get together at Mikey's wedding and ultimately have another adventure. IT'S GOLD! IT'S BRILLIANT! I WANT IT ON MY LOCAL CINEPLEX SCREEN TOMORROW! MAKE IT SO!
And that's that. Enjoy your weekend.
2008-02-21
100th Post
When I discovered the other day that I was about to hit the 100th post in the history of this blog, I thought I'd do something special for it. So, this is my idea of special. I'm going to take a look back at some of the other "milestone" posts so far and see what we can see. This should be... well, interesting... maybe. Let's see!
Post #1: Grand Opening!
Ahhh, memories. January 6th, 2006 saw the very first post in this blog's history. It was the first thing I did after the wife [who no longer wants to be referred to as "the wife" in these but yet doesn't want her name on here either so henceforth we shall use "Mrs. Blue" or "B" if I'm feeling nice] bought me web server space and my own URL for a birthday gift. On my first post, I ranted a bit about how I came up with the URL because I hear it so frequently... and then I wept a little bit as the guy who played Blue in Old School had died the night before. I said it then and I say it now... that was a cruel fucking twist of fate... and not like the cool Matt Hardy version [fuck Jeff Hardy's... go find your own finisher... stop holding your brother down, that shit ain't right, sucka.]
Post #10: Livin' On The Edge
Huh. This was actually my post encouraging the WWE to not take the World Title off of Edge at the Royal Rubmle. The post was Tuesday, January 24th, just days before the Rumble. I suggested that no one wanted to see HHH/Cena as the Mania main event... and dammit, I think I was right. Oddly, we find ourselves in the same position this year where everyone was really rooting against the tide in hopes that Jeff Hardy would win the World Title at the Rumble so we'd get something unique at Mania... and no, Orton vs Cena vs HHH doesn't count as unique to me. So, twice I've pushed for the underdog to win... and twice I've been denied. Fuck you too, Vince... fuck you too.
Post #25: The Thirty-Something Malaise
Posted on Thursday, February 23, 2006... man, I sound depressed in this. It was about a month before I left my Customer Service job... actually about two weeks before I gave my notice. In here I reference that I felt days away from getting fired which turns out to be ironic because they actually offered to take me back after my layoff last November... whatever. A couple things I found really amusing in this post is the Clerks 2 reference that I'm pretty sure I used here recently. Some things really don't change, huh? The other thing I found funny was a drop-in line about Eragon being a fun read and that it's probably make a really good movie. In light of my recent angry review of said movie, this little exercise in turning back the clock proved enlightening!
Post #50: Tracy Morgan Is A Jedi!
Posted on October 16, 2006, I was apparently pretty bored because I was working a 6AM to 3PM shift and found myself with too much time on my hands because for some god-forsaken reason, I DISCUSSED MY ENTIRE TV WATCHING SCHEDULE. Good lord have mercy on those who bothered to read this in 2006. My apologies... but I'll probably do it again at some point because I'm a sadist. Uhhh, take that... who's your favorite New Kid... call me Joey... please don't go girl.
Fuck you. Go watch Mallrats and stop judging me.
This one is so lengthy, I'm looking for good lines... let's hope I had some...
In reference to Studio 60, "It seems to be one of those "too smart for the mass populace" shows that die a painful and regretful death [see: Arrested Development] because the people who watched Everybody Loves Raymond for ten years can't keep up with it." It's funny cause it's true! My mom watched Everybody Loves Raymond and quotes it to tell life lessons... a lot. That should be enough to tell you to spend your time watching Blue-approved television.
30 Rock reference, "It bombed in the ratings though so I probably shouldn't get attached but any show that had an underwear-clad Tracy Morgan running through traffic with a lightsaber screaming "I AM A JEDI!" gets my support for the moment." So, so true. And I'm so, so happy that it somehow managed to pull in enough viewers to stay alive. It's because the Democrats are taking over, you know. No Republicans are watching 30 Rock. The Black Crusaders are who are putting Obama in office, baby. Oprah and Bill Cosby. Remind me to post about the 4 Blackmen Of The Apocalypse that I coined the other night.
In reference to Smackdown, "Lately, it seems like I've been watching wrestling out of force of habit moreso than any kind of enjoyment of it." And that was _before_ the Benoit situation. After that went down, it was very hard for me to watch it and enjoy it for quite a while. I finally worked my way through it to the point where I generally enjoy it when I watch it... even TNA sometimes... but it took a while. To all those people who claim George Lucas raped their childhood, I counter with Chris Benoit... Chris Benoit forcibly sodomized my childhood.
And in the comments section, Mark made fun of me for documenting my TV watching schedule... fittingly so. I'm going to make plans to do it again in October just to punish you all. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! PROFESSOR CHAOS STRIKES AGAIN!
Post #75: Get The Gators Ready!
To demonstrate what a shitty job I did in posting in 2007, the 75th post checked in on January 30th, 2008... well over a year since #50. In this one, I looked back through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia at RollerGames.. which Dave Melter reported as the biggest roller derby in flop in history the other day. Damn him. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GATORS?! THE WALL?! THE JUMP?! LITA FORD?! Although, to my excitement, Meltzer also reported that the producer of that version of RollerGames is looking to get a revamped version of it back on the air! EXACTLY WHAT I SUGGESTED IN MY POST! With any luck, we'll be marking out over a new version of the Los Angeles T-Birds sometime in 2008.
And that's that.
It's been a fun first hundred posts and hopefully it won't take anywhere near this long to get to the next hundred.
Or as my good friend, Poff Daddy, would say...
"It's been a great hundred posts... here's to a hundred more!"
Amen, amigo. Amen.
Post #1: Grand Opening!
Ahhh, memories. January 6th, 2006 saw the very first post in this blog's history. It was the first thing I did after the wife [who no longer wants to be referred to as "the wife" in these but yet doesn't want her name on here either so henceforth we shall use "Mrs. Blue" or "B" if I'm feeling nice] bought me web server space and my own URL for a birthday gift. On my first post, I ranted a bit about how I came up with the URL because I hear it so frequently... and then I wept a little bit as the guy who played Blue in Old School had died the night before. I said it then and I say it now... that was a cruel fucking twist of fate... and not like the cool Matt Hardy version [fuck Jeff Hardy's... go find your own finisher... stop holding your brother down, that shit ain't right, sucka.]
Post #10: Livin' On The Edge
Huh. This was actually my post encouraging the WWE to not take the World Title off of Edge at the Royal Rubmle. The post was Tuesday, January 24th, just days before the Rumble. I suggested that no one wanted to see HHH/Cena as the Mania main event... and dammit, I think I was right. Oddly, we find ourselves in the same position this year where everyone was really rooting against the tide in hopes that Jeff Hardy would win the World Title at the Rumble so we'd get something unique at Mania... and no, Orton vs Cena vs HHH doesn't count as unique to me. So, twice I've pushed for the underdog to win... and twice I've been denied. Fuck you too, Vince... fuck you too.
Post #25: The Thirty-Something Malaise
Posted on Thursday, February 23, 2006... man, I sound depressed in this. It was about a month before I left my Customer Service job... actually about two weeks before I gave my notice. In here I reference that I felt days away from getting fired which turns out to be ironic because they actually offered to take me back after my layoff last November... whatever. A couple things I found really amusing in this post is the Clerks 2 reference that I'm pretty sure I used here recently. Some things really don't change, huh? The other thing I found funny was a drop-in line about Eragon being a fun read and that it's probably make a really good movie. In light of my recent angry review of said movie, this little exercise in turning back the clock proved enlightening!
Post #50: Tracy Morgan Is A Jedi!
Posted on October 16, 2006, I was apparently pretty bored because I was working a 6AM to 3PM shift and found myself with too much time on my hands because for some god-forsaken reason, I DISCUSSED MY ENTIRE TV WATCHING SCHEDULE. Good lord have mercy on those who bothered to read this in 2006. My apologies... but I'll probably do it again at some point because I'm a sadist. Uhhh, take that... who's your favorite New Kid... call me Joey... please don't go girl.
Fuck you. Go watch Mallrats and stop judging me.
This one is so lengthy, I'm looking for good lines... let's hope I had some...
In reference to Studio 60, "It seems to be one of those "too smart for the mass populace" shows that die a painful and regretful death [see: Arrested Development] because the people who watched Everybody Loves Raymond for ten years can't keep up with it." It's funny cause it's true! My mom watched Everybody Loves Raymond and quotes it to tell life lessons... a lot. That should be enough to tell you to spend your time watching Blue-approved television.
30 Rock reference, "It bombed in the ratings though so I probably shouldn't get attached but any show that had an underwear-clad Tracy Morgan running through traffic with a lightsaber screaming "I AM A JEDI!" gets my support for the moment." So, so true. And I'm so, so happy that it somehow managed to pull in enough viewers to stay alive. It's because the Democrats are taking over, you know. No Republicans are watching 30 Rock. The Black Crusaders are who are putting Obama in office, baby. Oprah and Bill Cosby. Remind me to post about the 4 Blackmen Of The Apocalypse that I coined the other night.
In reference to Smackdown, "Lately, it seems like I've been watching wrestling out of force of habit moreso than any kind of enjoyment of it." And that was _before_ the Benoit situation. After that went down, it was very hard for me to watch it and enjoy it for quite a while. I finally worked my way through it to the point where I generally enjoy it when I watch it... even TNA sometimes... but it took a while. To all those people who claim George Lucas raped their childhood, I counter with Chris Benoit... Chris Benoit forcibly sodomized my childhood.
And in the comments section, Mark made fun of me for documenting my TV watching schedule... fittingly so. I'm going to make plans to do it again in October just to punish you all. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! PROFESSOR CHAOS STRIKES AGAIN!
Post #75: Get The Gators Ready!
To demonstrate what a shitty job I did in posting in 2007, the 75th post checked in on January 30th, 2008... well over a year since #50. In this one, I looked back through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia at RollerGames.. which Dave Melter reported as the biggest roller derby in flop in history the other day. Damn him. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GATORS?! THE WALL?! THE JUMP?! LITA FORD?! Although, to my excitement, Meltzer also reported that the producer of that version of RollerGames is looking to get a revamped version of it back on the air! EXACTLY WHAT I SUGGESTED IN MY POST! With any luck, we'll be marking out over a new version of the Los Angeles T-Birds sometime in 2008.
And that's that.
It's been a fun first hundred posts and hopefully it won't take anywhere near this long to get to the next hundred.
Or as my good friend, Poff Daddy, would say...
"It's been a great hundred posts... here's to a hundred more!"
Amen, amigo. Amen.
2008-02-20
99th post!
This angle popped into my head today and the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia made me think it was great.
Was it? Judge for yourself.
Was it? Judge for yourself.
2008-02-18
In Memory...
So, the ever-useful Dave Meltzer at Wrestling Observer points out that today is a very sad day in wrestling history as we mark the anniversaries of the deaths of two very special wrestlers.
It's the 15th anniversary of the death of Kerry Von Erich by suicide. Hard to believe it's really been that long. Kerry was the most famed son of the Von Erich family, a family that is now in tatters as nearly every son of the legendary Fritz Von Erich has ended up dead in one fashion or another. The only one left is Kevin Von Erich out of five brothers. Amazing.
As a kid, Kerry Von Erich was the always the "next Hulk Hogan" to me. In the old Apter magazines like The Wrestler and Pro Wrestling Illustrated, they constantly published photos of this guy that made him look like a bodybuilder. It was through those magazines, long before the Internet was an instant news source, that I learned of Kerry's tragic motorcycle accident and recovery. When he finally made it to the WWF, albeit having to be billed as the "Texas Tornado," you couldn't help but be happy for him. Unfortunately, he was "battling his demons" as they constantly say in the business while knocked down tons of pills. Ric Flair has often been praised by saying he could have a good match with a broomstick and one night against Kerry, he almost proved it as Kerry was so doped out of his mind, he couldn't even lace his boots. Another sad Kerry story that comes to mind is him forgetting that he had his blade taped in his fingertape for his match with Jerry Lawler and promptly slashing his head open _before_ the match.
Kerry's the ultimate story of potential gone way, way wrong in the wrestling business. Amazingly, he wrestled for years on one foot as one of his feet had to be amputated after the motorcycle accident. No one ever knew.
His greatest moment on the "big stage" came when he beat Ric Flair for the NWA World Title in Texas Stadium as part of the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions show in Texas Stadium... yes, a memorial show for one of his brothers. Unfortunately, there's no video of this to be found online anymore since it's on one of the WWE commericial releases. So, here's something you might enjoy in it's place...
RIP Kerry Von Erich
The other person to remember today is Eddie Gilbert who died 13 years ago of a drug overdose. Eddie never achieved the worldwide fame that Kerry did but he was one of the best.
As a kid, my first exposure to pro wrestling was of course, the WWF. But there were so many territories running back then, you had tons of options to see. One of the first I stumbled upon was Bill Watts' UWF and one of the people who ruled the roost there was "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert. Gilbert was the ultimate chickenshit heel who was so tiny, you couldn't imagine he'd stand a chance in there with guys like Duggan and Steve "Dr. Death" Williams but he somehow always found a way to hang in there by cheating his ass off.
Eddie's greatest moment on the "big stage" is sadly not even really his moment. He had started a feud with World Champion Ric Flair and US Champion Barry Windham, the remnants of the Horsemen in either early '89. It looked like he might finally hit the big time by feuding with the champ... but it was just a setup. A mystery partner tag match was booked between Flair/Windham vs Gilbert/?. The "?" was Ricky Steamboat and the rest is history. But Gilbert's greatest moment is one that I've never even seen. Like I said, in the 80's, you got your wrestling news from the Apter mags... and one month, they broke the story that Eddie Gilbert had attacked his long-time rival Jerry Lawler in Memphis... WITH A CAR! He tried to run down Lawler and in the mark-filled Memphis territory, actually had the police called on him. Now _that_ is a heel.
Gilbert's greatest legacy is that he was the booker for ECW before Paul Heyman came to town. Gilbert's credited with being a creative genius by many in the business and many have wondered just how big of an impact he would have had in the industry on that side of the game.
And will you look at this? The car angle. Thank god for Youtube.
Did you see that bump by Lawler?! Good lord! No wonder they called the cops.
RIP Eddie Gilbert
Anyways... sadly, death of the stars of the 80's is a frequent happening and one that a fan of the business has to deal with. I just wanted to take a few minutes to give a tip of the cap to two of my favorite grapplers from my youth on the anniversaries of their deaths.
It's the 15th anniversary of the death of Kerry Von Erich by suicide. Hard to believe it's really been that long. Kerry was the most famed son of the Von Erich family, a family that is now in tatters as nearly every son of the legendary Fritz Von Erich has ended up dead in one fashion or another. The only one left is Kevin Von Erich out of five brothers. Amazing.
As a kid, Kerry Von Erich was the always the "next Hulk Hogan" to me. In the old Apter magazines like The Wrestler and Pro Wrestling Illustrated, they constantly published photos of this guy that made him look like a bodybuilder. It was through those magazines, long before the Internet was an instant news source, that I learned of Kerry's tragic motorcycle accident and recovery. When he finally made it to the WWF, albeit having to be billed as the "Texas Tornado," you couldn't help but be happy for him. Unfortunately, he was "battling his demons" as they constantly say in the business while knocked down tons of pills. Ric Flair has often been praised by saying he could have a good match with a broomstick and one night against Kerry, he almost proved it as Kerry was so doped out of his mind, he couldn't even lace his boots. Another sad Kerry story that comes to mind is him forgetting that he had his blade taped in his fingertape for his match with Jerry Lawler and promptly slashing his head open _before_ the match.
Kerry's the ultimate story of potential gone way, way wrong in the wrestling business. Amazingly, he wrestled for years on one foot as one of his feet had to be amputated after the motorcycle accident. No one ever knew.
His greatest moment on the "big stage" came when he beat Ric Flair for the NWA World Title in Texas Stadium as part of the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions show in Texas Stadium... yes, a memorial show for one of his brothers. Unfortunately, there's no video of this to be found online anymore since it's on one of the WWE commericial releases. So, here's something you might enjoy in it's place...
RIP Kerry Von Erich
The other person to remember today is Eddie Gilbert who died 13 years ago of a drug overdose. Eddie never achieved the worldwide fame that Kerry did but he was one of the best.
As a kid, my first exposure to pro wrestling was of course, the WWF. But there were so many territories running back then, you had tons of options to see. One of the first I stumbled upon was Bill Watts' UWF and one of the people who ruled the roost there was "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert. Gilbert was the ultimate chickenshit heel who was so tiny, you couldn't imagine he'd stand a chance in there with guys like Duggan and Steve "Dr. Death" Williams but he somehow always found a way to hang in there by cheating his ass off.
Eddie's greatest moment on the "big stage" is sadly not even really his moment. He had started a feud with World Champion Ric Flair and US Champion Barry Windham, the remnants of the Horsemen in either early '89. It looked like he might finally hit the big time by feuding with the champ... but it was just a setup. A mystery partner tag match was booked between Flair/Windham vs Gilbert/?. The "?" was Ricky Steamboat and the rest is history. But Gilbert's greatest moment is one that I've never even seen. Like I said, in the 80's, you got your wrestling news from the Apter mags... and one month, they broke the story that Eddie Gilbert had attacked his long-time rival Jerry Lawler in Memphis... WITH A CAR! He tried to run down Lawler and in the mark-filled Memphis territory, actually had the police called on him. Now _that_ is a heel.
Gilbert's greatest legacy is that he was the booker for ECW before Paul Heyman came to town. Gilbert's credited with being a creative genius by many in the business and many have wondered just how big of an impact he would have had in the industry on that side of the game.
And will you look at this? The car angle. Thank god for Youtube.
Did you see that bump by Lawler?! Good lord! No wonder they called the cops.
RIP Eddie Gilbert
Anyways... sadly, death of the stars of the 80's is a frequent happening and one that a fan of the business has to deal with. I just wanted to take a few minutes to give a tip of the cap to two of my favorite grapplers from my youth on the anniversaries of their deaths.
Spring Training Update - 2/18/08
Man, you guys are lucky today as I just keep finding things to write about. Some of you must have earned good karma over the weekend. Save a baby from a burning building... get an extra Blue post on Monday. Pay it forward, people... it's just that simple.
*** On Sunday, Sandy Koufax made one of his rare visits to Dodgertown. Just f'n awesome. It's Sandy Koufax! If he was not immediately mobbed by any pitcher within twenty square miles, the game is forever destined to die. The wealth of knowledge contained on his shoulders is immeasureable. It makes me so happy that the current ownership managed to bury the hatchet with him after years of discord because he is an important piece of Dodgers history and it was a real shame that he was on the outs with the franchise for so many years.
*** In the midst of the Jones and Kuroda signings, a minor league contract was offered to a familiar face to Dodger fans... Chan Ho Park. Chan Ho was a solid pitcher for the Dodgers in his first stint with them before moving on for greener pastures [and a much greener contract.] Since then, he's bounced around the league and accomplished little. So, now he's back with his first MLB team to try to recapture the magic. I'd like to see him make it because 1] you can never have too much pitching and 2] we might get a repeat of this...
ENZUUUUUGIRIIIIIIIII!
Ahem. Good luck, Chan Ho.
*** When the Dodgers split their squad this spring to go to China, it will be historic for more than one reason. Not only is it the first MLB game played in China but the team being left behind will be managed by Hall of Famer and baseball ambassador Tommy Lasorda! That's just beyond awesome for someone who grew up worshipping the ground Tommy walked on. I just hope he doesn't blow out any of our pitchers' arms in that week of work. Take it easy, Tommy! It's just spring training.
*** And just to make sure that you're all paying attention, I'll slip in a jab at one of our "rival" teams. Check out this gem from ESPN today. The man I affectionately refer to as a F-Rod... or Fraud... thinks he's gone from the Angels because he's not feeling the love. Read the article to see his artful dodge from "Yep, I'm guessing I'm out of here" to "Oh shit, you're not going to print that, right?" It's a beautiful ride.
*** On Sunday, Sandy Koufax made one of his rare visits to Dodgertown. Just f'n awesome. It's Sandy Koufax! If he was not immediately mobbed by any pitcher within twenty square miles, the game is forever destined to die. The wealth of knowledge contained on his shoulders is immeasureable. It makes me so happy that the current ownership managed to bury the hatchet with him after years of discord because he is an important piece of Dodgers history and it was a real shame that he was on the outs with the franchise for so many years.
*** In the midst of the Jones and Kuroda signings, a minor league contract was offered to a familiar face to Dodger fans... Chan Ho Park. Chan Ho was a solid pitcher for the Dodgers in his first stint with them before moving on for greener pastures [and a much greener contract.] Since then, he's bounced around the league and accomplished little. So, now he's back with his first MLB team to try to recapture the magic. I'd like to see him make it because 1] you can never have too much pitching and 2] we might get a repeat of this...
ENZUUUUUGIRIIIIIIIII!
Ahem. Good luck, Chan Ho.
*** When the Dodgers split their squad this spring to go to China, it will be historic for more than one reason. Not only is it the first MLB game played in China but the team being left behind will be managed by Hall of Famer and baseball ambassador Tommy Lasorda! That's just beyond awesome for someone who grew up worshipping the ground Tommy walked on. I just hope he doesn't blow out any of our pitchers' arms in that week of work. Take it easy, Tommy! It's just spring training.
*** And just to make sure that you're all paying attention, I'll slip in a jab at one of our "rival" teams. Check out this gem from ESPN today. The man I affectionately refer to as a F-Rod... or Fraud... thinks he's gone from the Angels because he's not feeling the love. Read the article to see his artful dodge from "Yep, I'm guessing I'm out of here" to "Oh shit, you're not going to print that, right?" It's a beautiful ride.
You Know She's No Good
Oooh! More posts! The day is aplenty with Blue thoughts!
So, I was sitting here watching an Amy Winehouse performance on MTV HD and I was struck by just how fucking good she is. I mean, I know I like the stuff of hers that I've heard and I dug the performance on the Grammys but damn, she really is fucking good. Her and her band put on one hell of a show.
Of course, she looks about as cracked out as she could possibly be.
And that's a sad thing... right?
Eh. I don't know. She's alive, right? She seems to be enjoying herself, right? She hasn't run down anyone on the streets in a cracked out rage, right?
So, why do I care exactly?
The [completely unable to prove] fact of the matter is that a large portion of the great music in history came from someone with fire in their veins or pure delight up their noses. The Doors... Hendrix... the Stones... Nirvana... GNR... so, so, so many more.
So, if we can squeeze a few albums out of her while she's dancin' with her demons, should we really lord it over her like she's the devil incarnate? As long as she keeps it to herself and doesn't just fuckin' die as a result, should we really care all that much?
Man, she's got skinny legs... and funky hair... and a lot of ink... and one of the most doped-up expressions on her face that I've ever seen.
But the people love her. And she rocks... and not in a crack rock type fashion either.
Keep on crackin', Amy! Keep it real, sista!
But remember... only street urchins work the pipe. Whitney knows what's goin' down in the world, sweetie.
That's right! CRACK IS CHEAP! CRACK IS WACK!
Come on, Amy... get with the program. You need to be chasin' the tiger... maybe indulging in some nose candy... hell, if worse comes to worse, you're in Europe... pay a visit to the Green Fairy, baby.
But not crack. Give Whitney a call. She'll be happy to discuss it with you... she's got nothing else to do.
Oh, and you can tell that Natalie Cole to get off your shit too for being cracked out and winning awards. Tell her it's better than winning awards by making people go, "Ohhh, how sweet. She's doing a duet with her dead father."
Rehab is for quitters, girlfriend. You keep tellin' 'em no, no, no.
So, I was sitting here watching an Amy Winehouse performance on MTV HD and I was struck by just how fucking good she is. I mean, I know I like the stuff of hers that I've heard and I dug the performance on the Grammys but damn, she really is fucking good. Her and her band put on one hell of a show.
Of course, she looks about as cracked out as she could possibly be.
And that's a sad thing... right?
Eh. I don't know. She's alive, right? She seems to be enjoying herself, right? She hasn't run down anyone on the streets in a cracked out rage, right?
So, why do I care exactly?
The [completely unable to prove] fact of the matter is that a large portion of the great music in history came from someone with fire in their veins or pure delight up their noses. The Doors... Hendrix... the Stones... Nirvana... GNR... so, so, so many more.
So, if we can squeeze a few albums out of her while she's dancin' with her demons, should we really lord it over her like she's the devil incarnate? As long as she keeps it to herself and doesn't just fuckin' die as a result, should we really care all that much?
Man, she's got skinny legs... and funky hair... and a lot of ink... and one of the most doped-up expressions on her face that I've ever seen.
But the people love her. And she rocks... and not in a crack rock type fashion either.
Keep on crackin', Amy! Keep it real, sista!
But remember... only street urchins work the pipe. Whitney knows what's goin' down in the world, sweetie.
That's right! CRACK IS CHEAP! CRACK IS WACK!
Come on, Amy... get with the program. You need to be chasin' the tiger... maybe indulging in some nose candy... hell, if worse comes to worse, you're in Europe... pay a visit to the Green Fairy, baby.
But not crack. Give Whitney a call. She'll be happy to discuss it with you... she's got nothing else to do.
Oh, and you can tell that Natalie Cole to get off your shit too for being cracked out and winning awards. Tell her it's better than winning awards by making people go, "Ohhh, how sweet. She's doing a duet with her dead father."
Rehab is for quitters, girlfriend. You keep tellin' 'em no, no, no.
LINKS GALORE!
I was hangin' 10 on the interweb this morning, brah, when I saw some things that made me think others might like to see them as well.
Then I closed the porn links and started looking for stuff that wasn't quite as "revealing."
Check it out, Agent Utah.
*** Who remembers Latrell Spreewell, infamous NBA choke artist, turning down a huge contract extension because he "had a family to feed" only to find himself sitting on the sidelines ever since because no one wanted to pay him what he wanted? Yeah, well... judging from this link, I'm guessing he wishes he had the money.
*** Who remembers Tony Gwynn Jr. essentially knocking his father's former club out of the postseason last year? Oh, I remember it all too well as my friend [and Padre fan] was far too happy to mock us poor Dodger fans as we pulled up to his apartment for my bachelor party, leaning off the balcony to yell "If you guys hurry, you can hear the Padres clinch the NL West." Oh, we heard something alright! We heard him whimpering like a small child when the man affectionately known as "Little T" crushed the Padres spirit [and apparently Trevor Hoffman's balls.] For all the glorious details, check it out, mang.
*** If paging through all my crazed rants isn't enough to kill your day at work, I present the next best thing. Yahoo! Bix. I used to manage to waste HOURS on this subsection of Yahoo which is presented as a series of polls such as "Which dog is the cutest?" with accompanying pictures. Since this is the Interweb, you are also treated to about a zillion "WHO IZ THA HODDEST CHIK ON THA PLANIT!?!" polls which are at least good for eyecandy. Enjoy!
*** On a quest to fulfill a challenge laid out for February's Mixtape Of The Month, I visited several music/mp3 blogs over the weekend. MP3 blogs are a hell of a drug as Rick James would say because you end up downloading a bunch of crap you don't need and ultimately probably don't want but who can say no to David Byrne covering Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" or Willie Nelson [or a faux-Willie Nelson] layin' it down on Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time?" I'll add two specific blogs to my links section later but for now, Google "MP3 blogs" and prepare to lose all sense of sanity.
*** While Bonnaroo has managed to piece together perhaps the greatest festival lineup since the second Woodstock, us poor bastards who can't afford to fly out there are stuck with making the best out of what we get. To some people in SoCal, that'd be Coachella. But fuck Coachella, ya gahdamn ravers! I refuse to wade through that many people on Ecstacy just to see Jenny Lewis. REFUSE, I SAY! So, the next best thing at the moment? Eddie Vedder solo tour!
Then I closed the porn links and started looking for stuff that wasn't quite as "revealing."
Check it out, Agent Utah.
*** Who remembers Latrell Spreewell, infamous NBA choke artist, turning down a huge contract extension because he "had a family to feed" only to find himself sitting on the sidelines ever since because no one wanted to pay him what he wanted? Yeah, well... judging from this link, I'm guessing he wishes he had the money.
*** Who remembers Tony Gwynn Jr. essentially knocking his father's former club out of the postseason last year? Oh, I remember it all too well as my friend [and Padre fan] was far too happy to mock us poor Dodger fans as we pulled up to his apartment for my bachelor party, leaning off the balcony to yell "If you guys hurry, you can hear the Padres clinch the NL West." Oh, we heard something alright! We heard him whimpering like a small child when the man affectionately known as "Little T" crushed the Padres spirit [and apparently Trevor Hoffman's balls.] For all the glorious details, check it out, mang.
*** If paging through all my crazed rants isn't enough to kill your day at work, I present the next best thing. Yahoo! Bix. I used to manage to waste HOURS on this subsection of Yahoo which is presented as a series of polls such as "Which dog is the cutest?" with accompanying pictures. Since this is the Interweb, you are also treated to about a zillion "WHO IZ THA HODDEST CHIK ON THA PLANIT!?!" polls which are at least good for eyecandy. Enjoy!
*** On a quest to fulfill a challenge laid out for February's Mixtape Of The Month, I visited several music/mp3 blogs over the weekend. MP3 blogs are a hell of a drug as Rick James would say because you end up downloading a bunch of crap you don't need and ultimately probably don't want but who can say no to David Byrne covering Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" or Willie Nelson [or a faux-Willie Nelson] layin' it down on Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time?" I'll add two specific blogs to my links section later but for now, Google "MP3 blogs" and prepare to lose all sense of sanity.
*** While Bonnaroo has managed to piece together perhaps the greatest festival lineup since the second Woodstock, us poor bastards who can't afford to fly out there are stuck with making the best out of what we get. To some people in SoCal, that'd be Coachella. But fuck Coachella, ya gahdamn ravers! I refuse to wade through that many people on Ecstacy just to see Jenny Lewis. REFUSE, I SAY! So, the next best thing at the moment? Eddie Vedder solo tour!
2008-02-17
Two Snaps, A Twist, And A Kiss
So, from my understanding and worldview, we have new readers. Welcome and I apologize in advance for anything you find offensive... and then I apologize for saying something even worse in the next paragraph after the one that offended you... and I _definitely_ apologize for the comment after that. I mean, seriously... Chelsea Clinton pimped out for use in a donkey show? Like that'd really happen!
We've been on a bit of a movie rental kick lately which is ironic in an Alanis Morissette kinda way as we barely used Netflix and/or Blockbuster Online for the whole time we had them. Both are canceled now and we suddenly find ourselves renting movies over the past two weeks. Who knew?
In honor of that and that pesky award show coming up next weekend where awards will be given to movies none of us have seen, actors whose names we don't recognize without crib notes, original songs sung by rodents [Come on, Enchanted!] and the phrase "Who are you wearing?" is used ten times per second and _not_ to a man named Buffalo Bill. But a shiny nickel if someone tucks and poses ala Jay from Clerks 2. Bonus points if Goodbye Horses is playing.
But I digress.
I shall now do my very best Siskel and Ebert impression which'll likely end up a lot more like when Howard Stern talks about movies...
Before I go into the rentals, let me talk about Eragon.
Ohhhh my, let me talk about Eragon.
You see, Eragon, as a novel, holds a special piece of inspiration for me. For those who don't know the story, the author Christopher Paolini, a home-schooled little bastard who lives in Bumfuck, Montana where there is nothing to do but smoke lots and lots of weed [come on, Phil Jackson "summers" there... girl, you know it's true] was all of fifteen years old when he wrote the first draft of Eragon upon "graduating from high school."
...
Let's let that sink in for a bit.
He was fifteen.
FIFTEEN.
Now, granted, living in Montana and being home-schooled, he must have felt like he was forty but HE WAS FIFTEEN!
According to the bio on his site, he "took a second year to revise." His family decided it was good and decided to self-publish. The book was sent to press and the first copies hit stores in November 2001... when he was eighteen.
That son of a bitch.
So, as you can see, for an aspiring writer like myself, that really toasts my balls. Or inspires me. Sometimes I can't decide which.
See, while I was eighteen and doing dumb shit like drinking on golf courses, this guy was a published author...
...but he was still living in Montana with his parents.
Hrmm.
Tossup, I guess.
BUT I DIGRESS!
Anyways, the book was goodish. It wasn't setting the world on fire but it was a solid read and I was looking forward to more. In between reading the first book and the second, I went through all of George RR Martin's "Song of Fire And Ice" saga that's been published so far which I can not imagine has a peer in the realm of sci-fi/fantasy writing so... I'm not all hot and bothered by Eragon anymore.
But I still dug it enough to be somewhat stoked when at Comic-Con a couple years ago, they announced that they were making an Eragon movie. It really was a book meant to have a movie made of it and coming fresh off LOTR and Potter being megahits, it seemed like it might be a chance for sci-fi/fantasy to make a huge comeback in the cinema which would rock my proverbial socks.
I didn't go see the movie in the theaters... sue me. I didn't even rent it on DVD. I felt bad! I really did!
Now that I've seen it on HBO last week? Not so much.
What a steaming pile of crap that was. I don't even know where to start about how bad it was. The acting was terrible. Some of the effects were just embarassing considerin the level of effects that are possible now. The action sequences were uninspiring. The story was rushed and barely clung to the original plot.
It was ass. Major stinky ass.
Oh, and the dragon! See, I'm going to spoil shit for you so don't read it if you really plan on watching or reading this but I would suggest doing neither because the second book [which I read a few weeks ago] basically pissed me off so DON'T GIVE THE LITTLE MONTANA BASTARD ANY MORE MONEY! The dragon "talks" to Eragon through their minds. Don't laugh, asshole. It's cool. But not when the dragon sounds like Angela Lansbury! GRRRARRRRGH!
Anyways... don't watch that movie. It sucked. If I was Roger Ebert, I would not give this movie a thumbs up. I wouldn't give it a thumbs down either. I'd track down the writer that adapted that screenplay, cut off _his_ thumb, and bury it deep in his rectal region.
So, after seeing that, I was reluctant to race into watching Stardust, one of the other movies we rented that I was really looking forward to.
We opted to start with Shoot 'Em Up.
Shoot 'Em Up was another movie we were pissed we missed in the theater because the footage they screened at the Con was amazingly cool. So, we were stoked at finally getting the chance to see it.
The action scenes were beautifully done... brilliantly choreographed. We had just seen Smokin' Aces [not a bad flick, btw] the week prior so it had some tough competition but came out like a champ. Clive Owen continues to look like a badass in every movie he's in. This could have just as easily been a continuation of his segment of Sin City. Paul Giamatti is perfect as the slimy, snarky, always-a-step-ahead villain. Monica Belluci is hot... well, she is, dammit! And really that was her only purpose in the movie so bravo, my lady, bravo! The plot's a little convoluted and flabby but it's really only window dressing for the action scenes anyways. It had a lot of Charlie's Angelsesque "Did he really just fucking do that?" action so go in prepared to put your disbelief under your chair for 80 minutes and enjoy. I'd give it a thumb to the side... nothing fantabulous but I didn't wish I'd had the hour and a half of my life back.
In showing true cinematic diversity, we progressed on to Ratatouille, Pixar-Disney's latest fling in computer animation.
Sigh.
What the fuck is with computer animation? I mean, I know they like it cause it's pretty. I know they can make things look "more real" with it. But what the hell is wrong with hand-drawn cel animation?! The stuff in Enchanted was the bombdiggity and gave me great hope that the heart and soul hadn't been ripped out of Disney's Animation department and replaced with that fucking clock the Tin Man got from the Wizard of Oz. Beauty And The Beast, Aladdin, Lion King... that's the good shit, baby. I love Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc, Nemo... so don't get me wrong, the computer stuff can be good too. But dammit... just give me someone with a pencil every now and again so my brain doesn't bleed. If you ever get a chance, check out a fantastic documentary called Dream On Silly Dreamer. We saw it at the Con two years ago and bought the DVD on the spot. It's about the "high times and tragic fate of Disney Feature Animation" according to the box. A beautiful and depressing as hell story. But we hold out hope, John Lassiter. Get 'er done.
What was I talking about? Oh, the rat movie.
It was alright. The wife liked it more than I did. She was all giddy for it and looked like she might cry at any moment which doesn't say much because I swear she may have cried at the end of Anchorman... true story! But not.
Anyways... rat movie was okay. It had some heart and looked pretty. I might like it more on a rewatch. Absolutely hated Nemo the first time I watched it and didn't even make it through my first viewing of A Bug's Life. On the grand scale of Pixar flicks, I'd slot it in above Cars [since I haven't seen it!] but... well, below everything else. It _might_ check in higher than Bug's Life. I'd have to rewatch that one too.
NEXT!
We went to watch Across The Universe but the DVD player suddenly decided it didn't want to play dialogue which makes watching a musical a little tricky. I swapped in Stardust to see if that'd work... it didn't. I fiddled with some cables for a bit and suddenly, we had sound. Beautiful! I AM A GENIUS! Actually, I just unplugged one of the audio cables so I only had Mono sound... but still, genius!
Stardust was... well, awesome. I don't have a single complaint actually. The acting was great, the effects were perfect, the plot was awesome [thank you, Mr. Gaiman and thanks adapters for not fucking it up... GO FIX ERAGON!], the music was incredible, and... well, yeah. I was stoked after it was over. Go out of your way to see this movie if you're any fan of sci-fi/fantasy at all. If you're not, give it a shot... you still might like it.
The one negative I took away from Stardust was simple. After seeing Stardust and Serenity both get absolutely destroyed at the box office, I have great fear for the future of the genre in the cinema. Now, obviously we can expect things like The Hobbit and the Potter movies to continue to get churned out and clean house but the smaller films seem to be suffering. Is it a matter of having too much of a niche audience? Is it bad marketing? It's not the movies, dammit, because they were both near flawless. Numbers, you say? Here are the numbers...
Stardust made a total domestic gross of almost 39 million. They tacked on another 96 or so worldwide for a total of 135 million. The production budget was estimated at 70 million and doesn't include marketing and such.
Serenity made 25.5 mil domestic and 13 and change worldwide for a total of about 39 mil on a 39 mil production budget. That makes me want to cry. I WEEP FOR THE WORLD!
And you know why I weep for the world?
Because Step Up 2 The Streets made 26 million dollars this weekend.
Because Eragon made 250 million dollars worldwide... and made me want to stab out my eyes and cut off my ears.
BECAUSE THE PACIFIER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS WORLDWIDE! VIN DIESEL AS A BABYSITTER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS!
I weep because shows like Arrested Development, Firefly, Wonderfalls, and Journeyman end up scrapped while we get treated to sixteen versions of CSI and Law & Order. I weep because crap like Air Bud 2 gets green-lighted while The Watchmen and Justice League sat in developmental hell for years. I weep because it makes national headlines when a reporter quips that Chelsea Clinton got "pimped out" and because Britney's dad hates her lawyer. I weep that trainwreck television like Celebrity Rehab is made... and that I somehow find myself watching it because it's so damn amazing to see former "stars" on the last rung of life.
Erm... I got carried away again.
BUT I DIGRESS!
Go see Stardust. You know what else you should see? Across The Universe. Well, let's make things really clear on that...
1] You should enjoy musicals. As was referenced this evening, I have "an affinity for musicals" [thanks Mark] - so I enjoyed this movie a lot.
2] You should at least have a mild interest in the Beatles' music. If you hate the Beatles, your money may be better spent on buying a copy of Eragon to use as a coaster if you run out in a crisis.
3] You should be able to least imagine you've been on a mind-altering drug at some point in your life - and yes, we'll include SEVERE doses of alcohol in this. If you've ever drank so much that you looked at your blurry hand and thought it was amusing that you had fingers, that'll do, donkey.
If you meet all three of these criteria, you will likely enjoy this movie.
Nice, clear, concise review! No rants there!
Although, I could discuss the insanity of the Beatles segment on the Grammys again if you'd like. No? Fine.
NEXT!
3:10 To Yuma.
I love me some Westerns. It's a genre that tends to get forgotten for lengthy periods of time and then gets rediscovered when someone knocks one out of the park. 3:10 To Yuma is a remake of a movie I've never seen... which makes it new to me! This movie rocked. Lots of moments of the Gladiator dude being cool. Lots of Christian Bale looking like a pansy-ass mofo... but somehow being cool while doing it. A couple fun cameos. Good shit! Westerns rock. Watch this one.
Concise! That's the keyword since this post is going to take the full length of the front screen and has taken me close to an hour to finish [which is awesome since it'll serve as my hour of writing for Sunday and keep my anti-laziness pledge.]
One last movie and it's one we just watched tonight...
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Lawd have mercy. A documentary about a subculture that is described as "competitive video gaming." For most of us, "competitive video gaming" was like Brian and I sitting under my mom's staircase playing Tecmo Bowl and using the Raiders so that you could run circles around everyone with Bo Jackson or dropping back to your own endzone for the 100 yard pass.
For these guys? It's an addiction, it's life and death [death threats are exchanged according to one player], and for some, it's really the pinnacle of their lives. You'll watch this and at times think it's got to be a show. It's got to be a mockumentary like Drop Dead Gorgeous or Best In Show but there's no Fred Willard to make me giggle every few seconds. There's just poor, sad souls that make you fill up with a mix of sympathy and a desire to mock.
It's a tough internal struggle that all viewers of this flick must endure.
At first, you feel sorry for the man who gets laid off the day he and his wife sign the papers for their new house. But that pity kinda goes in a different direction as his wife, friends, and family members go on and one about how he's never accomplished anything in life and how they just want to see him excel at something and be happy for once. And then when you find out what he's decided to excel in is breaking the world record for Donkey Kong? The pity goes yet another direction! And then to see the lengths he has to go to to try and accomplish that goal? This is really a masterfully done character piece. In wrestling terms, this guy is the ultimate babyface... even after his mother says she thinks he might be a little autistic while we're watching him play the drums on a 5 year old's drumkit.
On the other side of the coin, the current record holder is a dick... plain and simple. The pure ego this guy has for holding world records for a video game will make you want to kick the shit out of him and laugh at the same time. He is the ultimate heel, the perfect foil to our babyface. He uses political pressure to deny our hero, he faces allegations of cheating, he ostracizes, he challenges and then avoids. He basically turns into the perfect pussy heel that's just aching for the final showdown.
I don't want to spoil this one for anyone so... go watch it. It's one of the my favorite things I've seen lately.
Ok... I'm done. Hopefully for you new readers, you weren't too traumatized. The wife can't believe I used a donkey show reference in the first paragraph but as a very wise man once said, "I am what I am."
Pass the spinach cause I be out!
We've been on a bit of a movie rental kick lately which is ironic in an Alanis Morissette kinda way as we barely used Netflix and/or Blockbuster Online for the whole time we had them. Both are canceled now and we suddenly find ourselves renting movies over the past two weeks. Who knew?
In honor of that and that pesky award show coming up next weekend where awards will be given to movies none of us have seen, actors whose names we don't recognize without crib notes, original songs sung by rodents [Come on, Enchanted!] and the phrase "Who are you wearing?" is used ten times per second and _not_ to a man named Buffalo Bill. But a shiny nickel if someone tucks and poses ala Jay from Clerks 2. Bonus points if Goodbye Horses is playing.
But I digress.
I shall now do my very best Siskel and Ebert impression which'll likely end up a lot more like when Howard Stern talks about movies...
Before I go into the rentals, let me talk about Eragon.
Ohhhh my, let me talk about Eragon.
You see, Eragon, as a novel, holds a special piece of inspiration for me. For those who don't know the story, the author Christopher Paolini, a home-schooled little bastard who lives in Bumfuck, Montana where there is nothing to do but smoke lots and lots of weed [come on, Phil Jackson "summers" there... girl, you know it's true] was all of fifteen years old when he wrote the first draft of Eragon upon "graduating from high school."
...
Let's let that sink in for a bit.
He was fifteen.
FIFTEEN.
Now, granted, living in Montana and being home-schooled, he must have felt like he was forty but HE WAS FIFTEEN!
According to the bio on his site, he "took a second year to revise." His family decided it was good and decided to self-publish. The book was sent to press and the first copies hit stores in November 2001... when he was eighteen.
That son of a bitch.
So, as you can see, for an aspiring writer like myself, that really toasts my balls. Or inspires me. Sometimes I can't decide which.
See, while I was eighteen and doing dumb shit like drinking on golf courses, this guy was a published author...
...but he was still living in Montana with his parents.
Hrmm.
Tossup, I guess.
BUT I DIGRESS!
Anyways, the book was goodish. It wasn't setting the world on fire but it was a solid read and I was looking forward to more. In between reading the first book and the second, I went through all of George RR Martin's "Song of Fire And Ice" saga that's been published so far which I can not imagine has a peer in the realm of sci-fi/fantasy writing so... I'm not all hot and bothered by Eragon anymore.
But I still dug it enough to be somewhat stoked when at Comic-Con a couple years ago, they announced that they were making an Eragon movie. It really was a book meant to have a movie made of it and coming fresh off LOTR and Potter being megahits, it seemed like it might be a chance for sci-fi/fantasy to make a huge comeback in the cinema which would rock my proverbial socks.
I didn't go see the movie in the theaters... sue me. I didn't even rent it on DVD. I felt bad! I really did!
Now that I've seen it on HBO last week? Not so much.
What a steaming pile of crap that was. I don't even know where to start about how bad it was. The acting was terrible. Some of the effects were just embarassing considerin the level of effects that are possible now. The action sequences were uninspiring. The story was rushed and barely clung to the original plot.
It was ass. Major stinky ass.
Oh, and the dragon! See, I'm going to spoil shit for you so don't read it if you really plan on watching or reading this but I would suggest doing neither because the second book [which I read a few weeks ago] basically pissed me off so DON'T GIVE THE LITTLE MONTANA BASTARD ANY MORE MONEY! The dragon "talks" to Eragon through their minds. Don't laugh, asshole. It's cool. But not when the dragon sounds like Angela Lansbury! GRRRARRRRGH!
Anyways... don't watch that movie. It sucked. If I was Roger Ebert, I would not give this movie a thumbs up. I wouldn't give it a thumbs down either. I'd track down the writer that adapted that screenplay, cut off _his_ thumb, and bury it deep in his rectal region.
So, after seeing that, I was reluctant to race into watching Stardust, one of the other movies we rented that I was really looking forward to.
We opted to start with Shoot 'Em Up.
Shoot 'Em Up was another movie we were pissed we missed in the theater because the footage they screened at the Con was amazingly cool. So, we were stoked at finally getting the chance to see it.
The action scenes were beautifully done... brilliantly choreographed. We had just seen Smokin' Aces [not a bad flick, btw] the week prior so it had some tough competition but came out like a champ. Clive Owen continues to look like a badass in every movie he's in. This could have just as easily been a continuation of his segment of Sin City. Paul Giamatti is perfect as the slimy, snarky, always-a-step-ahead villain. Monica Belluci is hot... well, she is, dammit! And really that was her only purpose in the movie so bravo, my lady, bravo! The plot's a little convoluted and flabby but it's really only window dressing for the action scenes anyways. It had a lot of Charlie's Angelsesque "Did he really just fucking do that?" action so go in prepared to put your disbelief under your chair for 80 minutes and enjoy. I'd give it a thumb to the side... nothing fantabulous but I didn't wish I'd had the hour and a half of my life back.
In showing true cinematic diversity, we progressed on to Ratatouille, Pixar-Disney's latest fling in computer animation.
Sigh.
What the fuck is with computer animation? I mean, I know they like it cause it's pretty. I know they can make things look "more real" with it. But what the hell is wrong with hand-drawn cel animation?! The stuff in Enchanted was the bombdiggity and gave me great hope that the heart and soul hadn't been ripped out of Disney's Animation department and replaced with that fucking clock the Tin Man got from the Wizard of Oz. Beauty And The Beast, Aladdin, Lion King... that's the good shit, baby. I love Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc, Nemo... so don't get me wrong, the computer stuff can be good too. But dammit... just give me someone with a pencil every now and again so my brain doesn't bleed. If you ever get a chance, check out a fantastic documentary called Dream On Silly Dreamer. We saw it at the Con two years ago and bought the DVD on the spot. It's about the "high times and tragic fate of Disney Feature Animation" according to the box. A beautiful and depressing as hell story. But we hold out hope, John Lassiter. Get 'er done.
What was I talking about? Oh, the rat movie.
It was alright. The wife liked it more than I did. She was all giddy for it and looked like she might cry at any moment which doesn't say much because I swear she may have cried at the end of Anchorman... true story! But not.
Anyways... rat movie was okay. It had some heart and looked pretty. I might like it more on a rewatch. Absolutely hated Nemo the first time I watched it and didn't even make it through my first viewing of A Bug's Life. On the grand scale of Pixar flicks, I'd slot it in above Cars [since I haven't seen it!] but... well, below everything else. It _might_ check in higher than Bug's Life. I'd have to rewatch that one too.
NEXT!
We went to watch Across The Universe but the DVD player suddenly decided it didn't want to play dialogue which makes watching a musical a little tricky. I swapped in Stardust to see if that'd work... it didn't. I fiddled with some cables for a bit and suddenly, we had sound. Beautiful! I AM A GENIUS! Actually, I just unplugged one of the audio cables so I only had Mono sound... but still, genius!
Stardust was... well, awesome. I don't have a single complaint actually. The acting was great, the effects were perfect, the plot was awesome [thank you, Mr. Gaiman and thanks adapters for not fucking it up... GO FIX ERAGON!], the music was incredible, and... well, yeah. I was stoked after it was over. Go out of your way to see this movie if you're any fan of sci-fi/fantasy at all. If you're not, give it a shot... you still might like it.
The one negative I took away from Stardust was simple. After seeing Stardust and Serenity both get absolutely destroyed at the box office, I have great fear for the future of the genre in the cinema. Now, obviously we can expect things like The Hobbit and the Potter movies to continue to get churned out and clean house but the smaller films seem to be suffering. Is it a matter of having too much of a niche audience? Is it bad marketing? It's not the movies, dammit, because they were both near flawless. Numbers, you say? Here are the numbers...
Stardust made a total domestic gross of almost 39 million. They tacked on another 96 or so worldwide for a total of 135 million. The production budget was estimated at 70 million and doesn't include marketing and such.
Serenity made 25.5 mil domestic and 13 and change worldwide for a total of about 39 mil on a 39 mil production budget. That makes me want to cry. I WEEP FOR THE WORLD!
And you know why I weep for the world?
Because Step Up 2 The Streets made 26 million dollars this weekend.
Because Eragon made 250 million dollars worldwide... and made me want to stab out my eyes and cut off my ears.
BECAUSE THE PACIFIER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS WORLDWIDE! VIN DIESEL AS A BABYSITTER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS!
I weep because shows like Arrested Development, Firefly, Wonderfalls, and Journeyman end up scrapped while we get treated to sixteen versions of CSI and Law & Order. I weep because crap like Air Bud 2 gets green-lighted while The Watchmen and Justice League sat in developmental hell for years. I weep because it makes national headlines when a reporter quips that Chelsea Clinton got "pimped out" and because Britney's dad hates her lawyer. I weep that trainwreck television like Celebrity Rehab is made... and that I somehow find myself watching it because it's so damn amazing to see former "stars" on the last rung of life.
Erm... I got carried away again.
BUT I DIGRESS!
Go see Stardust. You know what else you should see? Across The Universe. Well, let's make things really clear on that...
1] You should enjoy musicals. As was referenced this evening, I have "an affinity for musicals" [thanks Mark] - so I enjoyed this movie a lot.
2] You should at least have a mild interest in the Beatles' music. If you hate the Beatles, your money may be better spent on buying a copy of Eragon to use as a coaster if you run out in a crisis.
3] You should be able to least imagine you've been on a mind-altering drug at some point in your life - and yes, we'll include SEVERE doses of alcohol in this. If you've ever drank so much that you looked at your blurry hand and thought it was amusing that you had fingers, that'll do, donkey.
If you meet all three of these criteria, you will likely enjoy this movie.
Nice, clear, concise review! No rants there!
Although, I could discuss the insanity of the Beatles segment on the Grammys again if you'd like. No? Fine.
NEXT!
3:10 To Yuma.
I love me some Westerns. It's a genre that tends to get forgotten for lengthy periods of time and then gets rediscovered when someone knocks one out of the park. 3:10 To Yuma is a remake of a movie I've never seen... which makes it new to me! This movie rocked. Lots of moments of the Gladiator dude being cool. Lots of Christian Bale looking like a pansy-ass mofo... but somehow being cool while doing it. A couple fun cameos. Good shit! Westerns rock. Watch this one.
Concise! That's the keyword since this post is going to take the full length of the front screen and has taken me close to an hour to finish [which is awesome since it'll serve as my hour of writing for Sunday and keep my anti-laziness pledge.]
One last movie and it's one we just watched tonight...
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Lawd have mercy. A documentary about a subculture that is described as "competitive video gaming." For most of us, "competitive video gaming" was like Brian and I sitting under my mom's staircase playing Tecmo Bowl and using the Raiders so that you could run circles around everyone with Bo Jackson or dropping back to your own endzone for the 100 yard pass.
For these guys? It's an addiction, it's life and death [death threats are exchanged according to one player], and for some, it's really the pinnacle of their lives. You'll watch this and at times think it's got to be a show. It's got to be a mockumentary like Drop Dead Gorgeous or Best In Show but there's no Fred Willard to make me giggle every few seconds. There's just poor, sad souls that make you fill up with a mix of sympathy and a desire to mock.
It's a tough internal struggle that all viewers of this flick must endure.
At first, you feel sorry for the man who gets laid off the day he and his wife sign the papers for their new house. But that pity kinda goes in a different direction as his wife, friends, and family members go on and one about how he's never accomplished anything in life and how they just want to see him excel at something and be happy for once. And then when you find out what he's decided to excel in is breaking the world record for Donkey Kong? The pity goes yet another direction! And then to see the lengths he has to go to to try and accomplish that goal? This is really a masterfully done character piece. In wrestling terms, this guy is the ultimate babyface... even after his mother says she thinks he might be a little autistic while we're watching him play the drums on a 5 year old's drumkit.
On the other side of the coin, the current record holder is a dick... plain and simple. The pure ego this guy has for holding world records for a video game will make you want to kick the shit out of him and laugh at the same time. He is the ultimate heel, the perfect foil to our babyface. He uses political pressure to deny our hero, he faces allegations of cheating, he ostracizes, he challenges and then avoids. He basically turns into the perfect pussy heel that's just aching for the final showdown.
I don't want to spoil this one for anyone so... go watch it. It's one of the my favorite things I've seen lately.
Ok... I'm done. Hopefully for you new readers, you weren't too traumatized. The wife can't believe I used a donkey show reference in the first paragraph but as a very wise man once said, "I am what I am."
Pass the spinach cause I be out!
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