Cripes. The awesome folks over at MMAJunkie.com just posted a pretty swank article about BJ Penn getting ready for his UFC Lightweight Title fight against Joe Stevenson this weekend. I usually pick fights on a little research and a lot of gut instinct because I have a lot of gut to spare [wocka wocka wocka!]
I was leaning towards picking Joe Daddy for this weekend but this article is giving me pause. BJ's motivated? BJ realizes he's never in shape? BJ wants to win the title in every division?
BJ wants a rematch with GSP?
Ahhh... there's the BJ I know. Completely capable of dominating but always looking beyond the person in front of him.
I think my pick may be safe after all... but the Penn fan in me almost hopes I'm wrong.
SIDE NOTE: EliteXC signs Ken Shamrock. That could be interesting.
UFC picks post to come tomorrow.
2008-01-16
2008-01-15
2008-01-08
Wasting posts
You know, when you haven't written more than 3 blog postings in a calendar year, you really should probably save them when you get ideas for them. But I'm still awake and I was ranting about this earlier so...
My new UFC dream match is Mirko Cro Cop vs Brock Lesnar.
Now, why in the world would I be dying to see a guy who has lost two fights in a row take on a guy who hasn't even fought yet?
I love Mirko Cro Cop. Watching Mirko Cro Cop in Pride is one of the first things that got me hooked on MMA. And if you follow back the history of Cro Cop, you discover that one of the things that made him famous was his absolute domination of Japanese pro wrestlers who attempted to cross over into MMA. The Pro Wrestler Hunter-Killer. So, fast forward a bit and you've got Cro Cop struggling to adjust to the UFC with people saying he should hang them up.
Enter Brock Lesnar. Lots of hype, lots of potential. If he gets past Mir with any sort of good showing, I say book him against Cro Cop. If he wins, your big new project just knocked off one of the biggest name heavies in the world. If he loses, well, he was expected to lose and you get Cro Cop some credibility back.
And the cherry on top? Make this the main event for a UFC PPV in Japan!
Sure, it's a logistical nightmare but dammit, the Japanese LOVE Cro Cop. If you saw the vid clip of Cro Cop's pro wrestling appearance for HUSTLE on NYE, you saw them go apeshit for him and all he had to do was throw one kick.
Now imagine these same fans getting one more chance to see their hero knock off the biggest pro wrestling name to make the MMA jump ever.
Mirko Cro Cop vs Brock Lesnar in the Octagon... in Japan.
Make it so, Dana White. Make it so.
My new UFC dream match is Mirko Cro Cop vs Brock Lesnar.
Now, why in the world would I be dying to see a guy who has lost two fights in a row take on a guy who hasn't even fought yet?
I love Mirko Cro Cop. Watching Mirko Cro Cop in Pride is one of the first things that got me hooked on MMA. And if you follow back the history of Cro Cop, you discover that one of the things that made him famous was his absolute domination of Japanese pro wrestlers who attempted to cross over into MMA. The Pro Wrestler Hunter-Killer. So, fast forward a bit and you've got Cro Cop struggling to adjust to the UFC with people saying he should hang them up.
Enter Brock Lesnar. Lots of hype, lots of potential. If he gets past Mir with any sort of good showing, I say book him against Cro Cop. If he wins, your big new project just knocked off one of the biggest name heavies in the world. If he loses, well, he was expected to lose and you get Cro Cop some credibility back.
And the cherry on top? Make this the main event for a UFC PPV in Japan!
Sure, it's a logistical nightmare but dammit, the Japanese LOVE Cro Cop. If you saw the vid clip of Cro Cop's pro wrestling appearance for HUSTLE on NYE, you saw them go apeshit for him and all he had to do was throw one kick.
Now imagine these same fans getting one more chance to see their hero knock off the biggest pro wrestling name to make the MMA jump ever.
Mirko Cro Cop vs Brock Lesnar in the Octagon... in Japan.
Make it so, Dana White. Make it so.
Insomnia = Inspiration
What do you do at 3:30 AM when you can't sleep?
Count sheep? Drink warm milk? Drink warm vodka?
Lessee... I played video games [the "new" Fire Pro Wrestling for PS2] until about 1:30 AM. The game just plain smokes the majority of wrestling games out there. And the addition of the MMA characters and fighting system just makes it that much cooler. I spent the last 30 minutes with the CRITICAL frequency on high using Cro Cop and trying to see how long it would take to KO people. Cro Cop via high kick CRITICAL Andre The Giant in 1:08. That... fucking... rules.
I watched Mitt Romney speaking at the Timberland corporate offices on CSPAN for about 20 minutes. I didn't vomit so that's a good thing. There must be good in him since Chuck Norris is a supporter but I haven't found it yet. He spent a few minutes answering a question about the environment where he tried to sell that people who want the government to invest in clean, green technologies because they were trying to save the planet had the same ultimate goal as people who want us to invest in them because they want us to be energy independent. Not sure I buy that. He did a lot of shilling of nuclear energy [which scares me] and some kind of "clean coal" which to be perfectly honest, I know nothing about.
After he finished, they showed Barack Obama's speech at some opera house in New Hampshire. In all honesty, the night before the Iowa Caucuses, I had a similar sleeping issue. That night, I stumbled upon an Obama speech in Iowa that literally gave me goosebumps. The man is an eloquent, inspiring speaker and there's no surprise on my end that he's motivating people to vote who generally don't. For quite some time, I've been leaning my support in his direction and I've yet to see anything to change my mind on that. The speech tonight was sounding very similar to the Iowa speech so I turned it off to try and go to sleep.
I gave up after about fifteen minutes and decided it was a good time to try to write. My lovely wife [still not used to writing that] bought me Final Draft for X-Mas in hopes that it would kickstart my lazy ass into finally writing. So, after two weeks of procrastinating, I decided to attempt it tonight. I'm a few pages in... better than nothing, right? Decided to post on here as well to try and keep the momentum going.
In case anyone was wondering, I did actually make it to the PWG show on Sunday night. Very good show. It's odd because every time I leave a PWG show, I think it was completely worth my money. However, this show was the first I'd been to in a year and probably only the fourth or fifth I'd been to in two years. They're getting ready to start running shows a little closer to home so hopefully I'll get to a few more this year.
Nothing new on the job hunt front. I went into the week before Christmas thinking I had a good chance at getting two jobs. One of them I know was given to someone else and the other one... well, the HR person who was setting up my second interview has gone off the grid. No clue on that one.
Golden Globes got canceled. As an aspiring writer, I get a little bit of joy out of seeing the corporations get fucked by the strike. It's their own fault so I have no pity for them. I feel bad for the creative folks who won't get their very public credit for their work over the past year but not for the network who won't be able to cash in on them showing up to get that credit.
How's that for a wide variety of topics? Until next time.
WRITING: A screenplay based off a song - an idea I've been cultivating for almost a year
DRINKING: Water as I feel like I'm battling a sore throat
PONDERING: Volunteering for the Obama campaign
Count sheep? Drink warm milk? Drink warm vodka?
Lessee... I played video games [the "new" Fire Pro Wrestling for PS2] until about 1:30 AM. The game just plain smokes the majority of wrestling games out there. And the addition of the MMA characters and fighting system just makes it that much cooler. I spent the last 30 minutes with the CRITICAL frequency on high using Cro Cop and trying to see how long it would take to KO people. Cro Cop via high kick CRITICAL Andre The Giant in 1:08. That... fucking... rules.
I watched Mitt Romney speaking at the Timberland corporate offices on CSPAN for about 20 minutes. I didn't vomit so that's a good thing. There must be good in him since Chuck Norris is a supporter but I haven't found it yet. He spent a few minutes answering a question about the environment where he tried to sell that people who want the government to invest in clean, green technologies because they were trying to save the planet had the same ultimate goal as people who want us to invest in them because they want us to be energy independent. Not sure I buy that. He did a lot of shilling of nuclear energy [which scares me] and some kind of "clean coal" which to be perfectly honest, I know nothing about.
After he finished, they showed Barack Obama's speech at some opera house in New Hampshire. In all honesty, the night before the Iowa Caucuses, I had a similar sleeping issue. That night, I stumbled upon an Obama speech in Iowa that literally gave me goosebumps. The man is an eloquent, inspiring speaker and there's no surprise on my end that he's motivating people to vote who generally don't. For quite some time, I've been leaning my support in his direction and I've yet to see anything to change my mind on that. The speech tonight was sounding very similar to the Iowa speech so I turned it off to try and go to sleep.
I gave up after about fifteen minutes and decided it was a good time to try to write. My lovely wife [still not used to writing that] bought me Final Draft for X-Mas in hopes that it would kickstart my lazy ass into finally writing. So, after two weeks of procrastinating, I decided to attempt it tonight. I'm a few pages in... better than nothing, right? Decided to post on here as well to try and keep the momentum going.
In case anyone was wondering, I did actually make it to the PWG show on Sunday night. Very good show. It's odd because every time I leave a PWG show, I think it was completely worth my money. However, this show was the first I'd been to in a year and probably only the fourth or fifth I'd been to in two years. They're getting ready to start running shows a little closer to home so hopefully I'll get to a few more this year.
Nothing new on the job hunt front. I went into the week before Christmas thinking I had a good chance at getting two jobs. One of them I know was given to someone else and the other one... well, the HR person who was setting up my second interview has gone off the grid. No clue on that one.
Golden Globes got canceled. As an aspiring writer, I get a little bit of joy out of seeing the corporations get fucked by the strike. It's their own fault so I have no pity for them. I feel bad for the creative folks who won't get their very public credit for their work over the past year but not for the network who won't be able to cash in on them showing up to get that credit.
How's that for a wide variety of topics? Until next time.
WRITING: A screenplay based off a song - an idea I've been cultivating for almost a year
DRINKING: Water as I feel like I'm battling a sore throat
PONDERING: Volunteering for the Obama campaign
2008-01-06
The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly On The Plain
It's crazy outside right now. We could hear an insane amount of rain pouring down and when we opened the balcony door, it looks like we were trapped in a huge storm with rain pounding down and the wind blowing really hard.
I love the rain as long as I'm not stuck in it. I used to think I even loved the rain when I had to walk around in it until last year in Rome. Our first day out and about in Rome was absolutely miserable as we got drenched in rain, blown around by gusty wind, and generally got made cold and miserable by it all. So, yeah... now I think I love the rain as long as I don't have to walk around in it.
I hope it lets up some because I was planning to go to my first Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show in a year tonight. Driving in to LA through this mess doesn't sound like my idea of fun either so I really hope it lets up before I have to make a decision. The forecast is calling for "light rain" this afternoon so I hope it's right.
Rain, rain, go away... come again some other day.
Watching: Giants/Bucs NFL Playoff game [I'm addicted to football in HD. I've never watched as much football as I have this year.]
Wondering: If the person who was going to PWG with me is going to flake.
Reading: Just finished "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx and haven't started anything else yet
I love the rain as long as I'm not stuck in it. I used to think I even loved the rain when I had to walk around in it until last year in Rome. Our first day out and about in Rome was absolutely miserable as we got drenched in rain, blown around by gusty wind, and generally got made cold and miserable by it all. So, yeah... now I think I love the rain as long as I don't have to walk around in it.
I hope it lets up some because I was planning to go to my first Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show in a year tonight. Driving in to LA through this mess doesn't sound like my idea of fun either so I really hope it lets up before I have to make a decision. The forecast is calling for "light rain" this afternoon so I hope it's right.
Rain, rain, go away... come again some other day.
Watching: Giants/Bucs NFL Playoff game [I'm addicted to football in HD. I've never watched as much football as I have this year.]
Wondering: If the person who was going to PWG with me is going to flake.
Reading: Just finished "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx and haven't started anything else yet
A New Year!
So, it's a new year and as I look back to find I only did 3 posts on this blog in 2007, I'm a little annoyed. What a waste.
I also decided to let my web hosting lapse this year as I was barely using it so hopefully you managed to find your way back here.
For those who haven't "heard" from me lately, I'm unemployed once more having gotten laid off in November. So, you would think I'd be posting up a storm but I haven't just yet. I did just discover that I can post via my new Blackberry though so that's promising, right?
Ah well. No big New Year's Resolution to keep posting but I shall do what I can.
Happy New Year, all.
I also decided to let my web hosting lapse this year as I was barely using it so hopefully you managed to find your way back here.
For those who haven't "heard" from me lately, I'm unemployed once more having gotten laid off in November. So, you would think I'd be posting up a storm but I haven't just yet. I did just discover that I can post via my new Blackberry though so that's promising, right?
Ah well. No big New Year's Resolution to keep posting but I shall do what I can.
Happy New Year, all.
2007-08-02
Bored
So, I'm bored.
Yes, yes... what else is new, I know.
I'm a week removed from Day One of Comic-Con, my yearly half-week to indulge my inner geek and pretend the world revolves around Batman, the X-Men, and mostly what movies look sweet.
It also tends to be a source of great inspiration for me. A couple of years ago, I sat in on a panel where Brad Meltzer said that when he first starting writing, he made a commitment to himself to write at least an hour every day no matter what... no matter how tired, how hungry, how much he wanted to go out, whatever... an hour a day at minimum. I pledged on the spot to follow the same plan.
I'm pretty sure I lasted a day.
It's no secret that my career goal for several years has been to go back to school, get a teaching credential, and become a writer while teaching... yet I never seem able to get there. There's lots of easy targets to blame... getting old, too busy at work, don't want to look at a computer when I get home, wedding planning to do, blah blah blah.
Is this the year that I snap out of it?
The amount of people on panels this year who are probably just a few years removed from being where I am is astonishing. It truly does inspire someone to reach for the stars.
But those grounded feet always seem to get in the way.
Oh, side note... I also pledged to start using this as an entertainment blog to see if I could get into the Con next year as Media. Cross your fingers!
Yes, yes... what else is new, I know.
I'm a week removed from Day One of Comic-Con, my yearly half-week to indulge my inner geek and pretend the world revolves around Batman, the X-Men, and mostly what movies look sweet.
It also tends to be a source of great inspiration for me. A couple of years ago, I sat in on a panel where Brad Meltzer said that when he first starting writing, he made a commitment to himself to write at least an hour every day no matter what... no matter how tired, how hungry, how much he wanted to go out, whatever... an hour a day at minimum. I pledged on the spot to follow the same plan.
I'm pretty sure I lasted a day.
It's no secret that my career goal for several years has been to go back to school, get a teaching credential, and become a writer while teaching... yet I never seem able to get there. There's lots of easy targets to blame... getting old, too busy at work, don't want to look at a computer when I get home, wedding planning to do, blah blah blah.
Is this the year that I snap out of it?
The amount of people on panels this year who are probably just a few years removed from being where I am is astonishing. It truly does inspire someone to reach for the stars.
But those grounded feet always seem to get in the way.
Oh, side note... I also pledged to start using this as an entertainment blog to see if I could get into the Con next year as Media. Cross your fingers!
2007-01-28
Let's Get Ready To Rumble!
So, I did this last year and even though my WWE interest may be at an all-time low [I even gave up watching Raw since it conflicts with Heroes and 24]... I stick by my belief that even if I had given up watching wrestling altogether I'd still watch the Rumble and Wrestlemania every year.
And with that... my predictions based on the 30 wrestlers listed on WWE.com as participants:
No Chance... That's What You Got
---
Tommy Dreamer - Such a shame. You coulda been a contender, Tommy.
Chavo Guerrero - If you can't draw heat off your dead relative, you can't main event Mania.
Matt Hardy - No luck. He's gone right back down to the bottom of the barrel.
Gregory Helms - Nope. Not even JBL's hype job gets him a win here.
Chris Masters - Kinda a shame. He showed some potential before the Wellness Program kicked him down South. Since coming back, he's been booked like a joke.
The Miz - God no.
Sandman - Hopefully he gets to come in with the kendo stick. That'll make for a fun spot at least.
Kevin Thorn - Not even the curveball of the winner taking the ECW title shot makes him a contender here.
Viscera - King Mabel maybe. Viscera no.
Super Crazy - Only if Heyman gets brought back to book it.
Shelton Benjamin - Maybe a few months ago he'd be up one category... but not anymore.
Kenny Dykstra - In a couple years, perhaps... but not yet.
Slim Shot
--------
Carlito - Again, a few months ago I'd say he might have stood a shot. But I don't see him at the main event level yet... even in ECW.
Hardcore Holly - Could be, right? A fluke Royal Rumble winner for all those naysayers who say things are too predictable. Is Holly/Lashley for the ECW Title at Mania that unimaginable? Not really.
Kane - Not likely but always possible. Kane vs Batista would be alright. Kane vs Lashley would probably be fun.
MVP - Too soon for the rookie, I think but he's been getting a pretty big push so it's not completely impossible.
Sabu - I just can't see it. Gotta imagine a Money In The Bank is in his future.
Odds Are Slightly Better
---
Chris Benoit - Benoit being in a WM main event means it'll be worlds better than anyone else being in it. But I don't see it this time around as too likely.
Finlay - See above.
Jeff Hardy - Someone must have noticed that Jeff's been worlds better since his return, right? He just doesn't have a good match with any of the current champs. Turn on "Extreme Rules" and I can see a Lashley/Hardy match being fun. Do the title switch and Jeff vs Umaga would be fun as hell but probably not Mania main event material.
CM Punk - This is another one that would've been much more likely a few months ago. Now it seems like Punk is on the booking team's shitlist which makes it unlikely he'll get the green light yet.
Some Real Contenders
---
King Booker - No one wants another Booker/Batista match... but Booker/Cena? I'd buy that for a dollar. Booker jumping to Raw would give him an entire new slate of characters to run against. I don't see it as likely as much as I'd like to see it happen though.
Johnny Nitro - A real dark horse. I would love to see Nitro pick up the shocking win to reveal K-Fed as his trainer heading into Mania. K-Fed was a fun heel during his run and having him be part of the main program heading into Mania against Cena wouldn't hurt at all. Another one I'd really like to see but is super unlikely.
Ric Flair - With Rocky Balboa fresh in everyone's mind, it's the perfect year to run one last Flair For The Gold program. Especially if it was against Umaga. I'd love to see it but it seems to not be in the cards sadly.
Rob Van Dam - Rumor is that Vince is trying to keep RVD from jumping to TNA when his contract is up. Could a Rumble win and Mania match for the title keep him around? RVD/Cena would be fun again... not so fond of RVD/Lashley though.
The Great Khali - Khali/Cena would be a good way to pay tribute to Hogan/Andre but will they trust Khali to perform on that big of a stage. A guy who got pulled from one major PPV because of a lack of confidence in his skill seems unlikely to get the ball here.
The Cream Of The Crop
---
Edge - The MVP of Raw for 2006. He was robbed from his Mania main event last year and basically carried the entire brand as thanks. He was in almost every interesting program throughout the year. So, if you want to use the Mania main event as a "thank you", he'd be your guy. Edge vs Batista does nothing for me. Edge jumping to ECW with the title shot would boost that show a ton but would seem odd. Edge vs Cena has been seen a ton so there'd have to be a major twist to make it worthwhile again. I really like Edge so I'd love to see him win it but I don't know where you go with it.
Randy Orton - My fear. I like Orton to an extent but I have no desire to see him in any of the three title matches... nor do I have a desire to see Team RKO split up. Unfortunately, I have a bad feeling that he'll be your winner.
Shawn Michaels - Michaels vs Cena would be great. Michaels vs Batista would be... eh. Michaels vs Lashley... not so much. Michaels/Umaga would be a lot of fun though. He's gotta be an odds on favorite since the Rumble is in San Antonio and he's coming off the great performances on Raw lately. Probably who I would like to see win as there's the most possibilities of where to go with it.
Undertaker - All buzz shows Taker/Batista as the Smackdown main event so giving Taker the Rumble win he's never gotten would set that up perfectly. Can't say that I mind to see him winning here as long as he's winning at Mania as well.
Final results
---
Who should win: Shawn Michaels
Who will win: Randy Orton
And with that... my predictions based on the 30 wrestlers listed on WWE.com as participants:
No Chance... That's What You Got
---
Tommy Dreamer - Such a shame. You coulda been a contender, Tommy.
Chavo Guerrero - If you can't draw heat off your dead relative, you can't main event Mania.
Matt Hardy - No luck. He's gone right back down to the bottom of the barrel.
Gregory Helms - Nope. Not even JBL's hype job gets him a win here.
Chris Masters - Kinda a shame. He showed some potential before the Wellness Program kicked him down South. Since coming back, he's been booked like a joke.
The Miz - God no.
Sandman - Hopefully he gets to come in with the kendo stick. That'll make for a fun spot at least.
Kevin Thorn - Not even the curveball of the winner taking the ECW title shot makes him a contender here.
Viscera - King Mabel maybe. Viscera no.
Super Crazy - Only if Heyman gets brought back to book it.
Shelton Benjamin - Maybe a few months ago he'd be up one category... but not anymore.
Kenny Dykstra - In a couple years, perhaps... but not yet.
Slim Shot
--------
Carlito - Again, a few months ago I'd say he might have stood a shot. But I don't see him at the main event level yet... even in ECW.
Hardcore Holly - Could be, right? A fluke Royal Rumble winner for all those naysayers who say things are too predictable. Is Holly/Lashley for the ECW Title at Mania that unimaginable? Not really.
Kane - Not likely but always possible. Kane vs Batista would be alright. Kane vs Lashley would probably be fun.
MVP - Too soon for the rookie, I think but he's been getting a pretty big push so it's not completely impossible.
Sabu - I just can't see it. Gotta imagine a Money In The Bank is in his future.
Odds Are Slightly Better
---
Chris Benoit - Benoit being in a WM main event means it'll be worlds better than anyone else being in it. But I don't see it this time around as too likely.
Finlay - See above.
Jeff Hardy - Someone must have noticed that Jeff's been worlds better since his return, right? He just doesn't have a good match with any of the current champs. Turn on "Extreme Rules" and I can see a Lashley/Hardy match being fun. Do the title switch and Jeff vs Umaga would be fun as hell but probably not Mania main event material.
CM Punk - This is another one that would've been much more likely a few months ago. Now it seems like Punk is on the booking team's shitlist which makes it unlikely he'll get the green light yet.
Some Real Contenders
---
King Booker - No one wants another Booker/Batista match... but Booker/Cena? I'd buy that for a dollar. Booker jumping to Raw would give him an entire new slate of characters to run against. I don't see it as likely as much as I'd like to see it happen though.
Johnny Nitro - A real dark horse. I would love to see Nitro pick up the shocking win to reveal K-Fed as his trainer heading into Mania. K-Fed was a fun heel during his run and having him be part of the main program heading into Mania against Cena wouldn't hurt at all. Another one I'd really like to see but is super unlikely.
Ric Flair - With Rocky Balboa fresh in everyone's mind, it's the perfect year to run one last Flair For The Gold program. Especially if it was against Umaga. I'd love to see it but it seems to not be in the cards sadly.
Rob Van Dam - Rumor is that Vince is trying to keep RVD from jumping to TNA when his contract is up. Could a Rumble win and Mania match for the title keep him around? RVD/Cena would be fun again... not so fond of RVD/Lashley though.
The Great Khali - Khali/Cena would be a good way to pay tribute to Hogan/Andre but will they trust Khali to perform on that big of a stage. A guy who got pulled from one major PPV because of a lack of confidence in his skill seems unlikely to get the ball here.
The Cream Of The Crop
---
Edge - The MVP of Raw for 2006. He was robbed from his Mania main event last year and basically carried the entire brand as thanks. He was in almost every interesting program throughout the year. So, if you want to use the Mania main event as a "thank you", he'd be your guy. Edge vs Batista does nothing for me. Edge jumping to ECW with the title shot would boost that show a ton but would seem odd. Edge vs Cena has been seen a ton so there'd have to be a major twist to make it worthwhile again. I really like Edge so I'd love to see him win it but I don't know where you go with it.
Randy Orton - My fear. I like Orton to an extent but I have no desire to see him in any of the three title matches... nor do I have a desire to see Team RKO split up. Unfortunately, I have a bad feeling that he'll be your winner.
Shawn Michaels - Michaels vs Cena would be great. Michaels vs Batista would be... eh. Michaels vs Lashley... not so much. Michaels/Umaga would be a lot of fun though. He's gotta be an odds on favorite since the Rumble is in San Antonio and he's coming off the great performances on Raw lately. Probably who I would like to see win as there's the most possibilities of where to go with it.
Undertaker - All buzz shows Taker/Batista as the Smackdown main event so giving Taker the Rumble win he's never gotten would set that up perfectly. Can't say that I mind to see him winning here as long as he's winning at Mania as well.
Final results
---
Who should win: Shawn Michaels
Who will win: Randy Orton
2007-01-06
Back In... Blue?
So, I'm back again for another year of trying to do this blog thing right. I just renewed my website for another year so hopefully I can contribute a bit more to society with it! Apparently I made 56 blog posts in 2006... wow... that really sucks. Let's try and get that higher for '07, shall we?
Here's an easy waste of time...
Go to iTunes... do a Smart Playlist to show songs added in 2006... sort by play count and see your favorite songs that you listened to in '06. In true Casey Kasem tradition of keeping my feet on the ground and still reaching for the stars, here's my [our] Top 200 of 2006...
(NOTE: This does have a margin for error as some songs may be artifically inflated by merging two files into one play count.)
200. The Distance - Travis
199. The Beautiful Occupation - Travis
198. Happy - Travis
197. Re-Offender - Travis
196. Gigolos Get Lonely Too - The Time
195. If I Ever Fall In Love - Shai
194. Steady As She Goes [Acoustic] - The Raconteurs
193. Three Or Four - The New Pornographers
192. Sing Me Spanish Techno - The New Pornographers
191. I Wish I Had An Evil Twin - The Magnetic Fields
190. Enterlude - The Killers
189. I've Changed [Alternative Version] - Josh Joplin Group
188. Fawkes The Phoenix - John Williams
187. Happy (Reprise) - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
186. Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin
185. Heaven Adores You - Earlimart
184. 1st Instant/Last Report - Earlimart
183. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie
182. Brothers On A Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie
181. Stop! - The Bens
180. Fired - Ben Folds
179. The Wrong Girl - Belle And Sebastian
178. All I Want To Do Is Rock - Travis
177. Why Does It Always Rain On Me - Travis
176. Of Montreal - The Stills
175. Pick A Part That's New - Stereophonics
174. Solitary - Skye
173. Wildwood Flower - Reese Witherspoon
172. Army Reserve - Pearl Jam
171. Wasted Reprise - Pearl Jam
170. Song Beneath The Song - Maria Taylor
169. The River Is Wild - The Killers
168. Bones - The Killers
167. Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
166. Speed Trials - Elliott Smikth
165. I Wasn't Prepared - Eisley
164. The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
163. The New Year - Death Cab For Cutie
162. Marching Bands Of Manhattan - Death Cab For Cutie
161. Hang On To Yourself - David Bowie
160. Hey Now Now - The Cloud Room
159. Suspended From Class - Camera Obscura
158. Cross-Fire - The Bens
157. Carrying Cathy - Ben Folds
156. Sleep The Clock Around - Belle And Sebastian
155. A Century Of Fakers - Belle And Sebastian
154. I Fought In A War - Belle And Sebastian
153. Cherry Blossom Girl (Hope Sandoval Version) - Air
152. The City Lights - Umbrellas
151. Sing - Travis
150. Square One - Tom Petty
149. Still In Love Song - The Stills
148. Love & Death - The Stills
147. Whatever's Left - Snow Patrol
146. Gleaming Auction - Snow Patrol
145. Just You And Me - Rie Sinclair
144. Steady As She Goes - The Raconteurs
143. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Ts
142. Come Back - Pearl Jam
141. Comatose - Pearl Jam
140. Mexico - Jump, Little Children
139. Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
138. Feel So Free- Ivy
137. Fire Island - Fountains of Wayne
136. Brightly Wound - Eisley
135. Hold On, Slow Down - Earlimart
134. Bruised - The Bens
133. Rockin' The Suburbs - Ben Folds
132. Roy Walker - Belle And Sebastian
131. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor - The Arctic Monkeys
130. Everywhere [cover] - Yellowcard
129. Allison Krausse - The Stills
128. Break Your Mama's Back - Slow Runner
127. This Mess We're In - PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke
126. Parachutes - Pearl Jam
125. Time Bomb - Old 97s
124. Bling (Confessions Of A King) - The Killers
123. Is It Any Wonder? - Keane
122. Jackson - Joaquin Phoenix
121. Run Devil Run - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
120. Bright Future In Sales - Fountains of Wayne
119. Got You Where I Want You - The Flys
118. My Lovely - Eisley
117. Munich - Editors
116. Live And Learn - The Cardigans
115. Annie Waits - Ben Folds
114. Step Into My Office, Baby - Belle And Sebastian
113. Wrap Your Love Around Me - The Village Green
112. Side - Travis
111. Flowers In The Window - Travis
110. Elevator Love Letter - Stars
109. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking - Snow Patrol
108. Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
107. False Alarm - Sloan
106. Fidelity - Regina Spektor
105. Use It - The New Pornographers
104. My List - The Killers
103. The Big Guns - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
102. La La Lie - Jack's Mannequin
101. I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin
100. Hung Up On You - Fountains of Wayne
99. Steadier Footing - Death Cab For Cutie
98. Summer Skin - Death Cab For Cutie
97. Shine Like A New Pin - Camera Obscura
96. Blackout - British Sea Power
95. Sundress (acoustic) - Ben Kweller
94. I'm Waking Up To Us - Belle And Sebastian
93. Asleep On A Sunbeam - Belle And Sebastian
92. Rubber And Soul - Arie Brun
91. Marker In The Sand - Pearl Jam
90. These Are The Fables - The New Pornographers
89. Polyester Bride - Liz Phair
88. Exitlude - The Killers
87. When You Were Young - The Killers
86. Cocaine Blues - Joaquin Phoenix
85. Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin
84. Trolley Wood - Eisley
83. Memories - Eisley
82. Red Hot Drops - Chad Van Gaalen
81. This Modern Love - Bloc Party
80. Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
79. Chocolate - Snow Patrol
78. World Wide Suicide - Pearl Jam
77. Like U Crazy - Mates of State
76. I Don't Believe You - The Magnetic Fields
75. Lift Me - Madrugada feat. Arie Brun
74. Sam's Town - The Killers
73. Scratch - Kendall Payne
72. It Ain't Me, Babe - Joaquin Phoenix
71. Sgt. Major - Jet
70. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
69. Everyday Is a Holiday - Esthero w/Sean Lennon
68. The Hidden Track - Earlimart
67. Your Heart Is An Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
66. The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
65. Sometimes Always [cover] - The Brakes
64. I'm A Cuckoo - Belle And Sebastian
63. Hoppinpolla - Sigur Ros
62. Across The Universe - Rufus Wainwright
61. Get Through - Mark Joseph
60. I Think I Need A New Heart - The Magnetic Fields
59. Handle With Care - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
58. You Are What You Love - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins
57. Rise Up With Fists!!! - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
56. MFEO: Part 1 - Jack's Mannequin
55. OLE! - The Bouncing Souls
54. Losing Lisa Ben Folds
53. Gone - Ben Folds
52. The Model - Belle And Sebastian
51. Piazza, New York Catcher - Belle And Sebastian
50. Dear Catastrophe Waitress - Belle And Sebastian
49. Blood And Peanut Butter - Camplight
48. Somewhere Across Forever - Stellastarr*
47. Are You True? - The New Amsterdams
46. Sometimes The Sun - The Lashes
45. Why Do I Keep Counting? - The Killers
44. For Reason's Unknown - The Killers
43. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne
42. Golly Sandra - Eisley
41. How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol
40. Who I Am Hates Who I've Become - Relient K
39. From California (acoustic) - The New Amsterdams
38. Uncle Jonny - The Killers
37. The Charging Sky - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
36. Maybe Tomorrow - Goldenhorse
35. Baby's Been Bad - Goldenhorse
34. The Engine Driver - The Decemberists
33. I'm A Rocker - Bruce Springsteen
32. Wrapped Up In Books - Belle And Sebastian
31. You Don't Send Me - Belle And Sebastian
30. You Only Live Once - The Strokes
29. In The Sun - Michael Stipe w/Chris Martin
28. Hip Teens Don't Wear Blue Jeans - The Frank Popp Ensemble
27. Zak And Sara - Ben Folds
26. Rescued - Jack's Mannequin
25. Beautiful World - Colin Hay
24. I Hear The Bells - Mike Doughty
23. Read My Mind - The Killers
22. Sukie In The Graveyard - Belle And Sebastian
21. I Dare You - Shinedown
20. We Will Become Silouhettes - The Postal Service
19. High - James Blunt
18. Am I Just One - Carey Ott
17. We Are The Sleepyheads - Belle And Sebastian
16. Stay Loose - Belle And Sebastian
15. Forever Lost - The Magic Numbers
14. Jessica - Adam Green
13. Little By Little - Oasis
12. All You Need Is Hate - The Delgados
11. The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts - Sufjan Stevens
10. Flying High - Jem
9. I'm Gonna Make You Love Me - The Jayhawks
8. Kiss The Girl - Get Set Go
7. Drinking For 11 - The Mad Caddies
6. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
5. Why Does It Always Rain On Me - Travis
4. Adelaide - Old 97s
3. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
2. Precious - Depeche Mode
1. Sunset Soon Forgotten - Iron And Wine
And it's right HERE that I realize iTunes fucked me by including 16 songs tied for #200 at the bottom of the list. So. uh... well, you do the math!
15. Kill The Messenger - Jack's Mannequin
14. If You Find Yourself Caught In Love - Belle And Sebastian
13. Butterfly - Weezer
12. Peace - Weezer
11. It Must Be Summer - Fountains of Wayne
10. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (cover) - Elefant
9. Defying Gravity - Wicked Soundtrack
8. Saint Simon - The Shins
7. Hackensack - Fountains of Wayne
6. Lord Anthony - Belle And Sebastian
5. Mi Mancherai (Il Postino) - Josh Groban
4. Crown of Love - The Arcade Fire
3. The Luckiest - Ben Folds
2. Telescope Eyes - Eisley
1. If She Wants Me - Belle And Sebastian
Here's an easy waste of time...
Go to iTunes... do a Smart Playlist to show songs added in 2006... sort by play count and see your favorite songs that you listened to in '06. In true Casey Kasem tradition of keeping my feet on the ground and still reaching for the stars, here's my [our] Top 200 of 2006...
(NOTE: This does have a margin for error as some songs may be artifically inflated by merging two files into one play count.)
200. The Distance - Travis
199. The Beautiful Occupation - Travis
198. Happy - Travis
197. Re-Offender - Travis
196. Gigolos Get Lonely Too - The Time
195. If I Ever Fall In Love - Shai
194. Steady As She Goes [Acoustic] - The Raconteurs
193. Three Or Four - The New Pornographers
192. Sing Me Spanish Techno - The New Pornographers
191. I Wish I Had An Evil Twin - The Magnetic Fields
190. Enterlude - The Killers
189. I've Changed [Alternative Version] - Josh Joplin Group
188. Fawkes The Phoenix - John Williams
187. Happy (Reprise) - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
186. Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin
185. Heaven Adores You - Earlimart
184. 1st Instant/Last Report - Earlimart
183. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie
182. Brothers On A Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie
181. Stop! - The Bens
180. Fired - Ben Folds
179. The Wrong Girl - Belle And Sebastian
178. All I Want To Do Is Rock - Travis
177. Why Does It Always Rain On Me - Travis
176. Of Montreal - The Stills
175. Pick A Part That's New - Stereophonics
174. Solitary - Skye
173. Wildwood Flower - Reese Witherspoon
172. Army Reserve - Pearl Jam
171. Wasted Reprise - Pearl Jam
170. Song Beneath The Song - Maria Taylor
169. The River Is Wild - The Killers
168. Bones - The Killers
167. Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
166. Speed Trials - Elliott Smikth
165. I Wasn't Prepared - Eisley
164. The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
163. The New Year - Death Cab For Cutie
162. Marching Bands Of Manhattan - Death Cab For Cutie
161. Hang On To Yourself - David Bowie
160. Hey Now Now - The Cloud Room
159. Suspended From Class - Camera Obscura
158. Cross-Fire - The Bens
157. Carrying Cathy - Ben Folds
156. Sleep The Clock Around - Belle And Sebastian
155. A Century Of Fakers - Belle And Sebastian
154. I Fought In A War - Belle And Sebastian
153. Cherry Blossom Girl (Hope Sandoval Version) - Air
152. The City Lights - Umbrellas
151. Sing - Travis
150. Square One - Tom Petty
149. Still In Love Song - The Stills
148. Love & Death - The Stills
147. Whatever's Left - Snow Patrol
146. Gleaming Auction - Snow Patrol
145. Just You And Me - Rie Sinclair
144. Steady As She Goes - The Raconteurs
143. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Ts
142. Come Back - Pearl Jam
141. Comatose - Pearl Jam
140. Mexico - Jump, Little Children
139. Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
138. Feel So Free- Ivy
137. Fire Island - Fountains of Wayne
136. Brightly Wound - Eisley
135. Hold On, Slow Down - Earlimart
134. Bruised - The Bens
133. Rockin' The Suburbs - Ben Folds
132. Roy Walker - Belle And Sebastian
131. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor - The Arctic Monkeys
130. Everywhere [cover] - Yellowcard
129. Allison Krausse - The Stills
128. Break Your Mama's Back - Slow Runner
127. This Mess We're In - PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke
126. Parachutes - Pearl Jam
125. Time Bomb - Old 97s
124. Bling (Confessions Of A King) - The Killers
123. Is It Any Wonder? - Keane
122. Jackson - Joaquin Phoenix
121. Run Devil Run - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
120. Bright Future In Sales - Fountains of Wayne
119. Got You Where I Want You - The Flys
118. My Lovely - Eisley
117. Munich - Editors
116. Live And Learn - The Cardigans
115. Annie Waits - Ben Folds
114. Step Into My Office, Baby - Belle And Sebastian
113. Wrap Your Love Around Me - The Village Green
112. Side - Travis
111. Flowers In The Window - Travis
110. Elevator Love Letter - Stars
109. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking - Snow Patrol
108. Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
107. False Alarm - Sloan
106. Fidelity - Regina Spektor
105. Use It - The New Pornographers
104. My List - The Killers
103. The Big Guns - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
102. La La Lie - Jack's Mannequin
101. I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin
100. Hung Up On You - Fountains of Wayne
99. Steadier Footing - Death Cab For Cutie
98. Summer Skin - Death Cab For Cutie
97. Shine Like A New Pin - Camera Obscura
96. Blackout - British Sea Power
95. Sundress (acoustic) - Ben Kweller
94. I'm Waking Up To Us - Belle And Sebastian
93. Asleep On A Sunbeam - Belle And Sebastian
92. Rubber And Soul - Arie Brun
91. Marker In The Sand - Pearl Jam
90. These Are The Fables - The New Pornographers
89. Polyester Bride - Liz Phair
88. Exitlude - The Killers
87. When You Were Young - The Killers
86. Cocaine Blues - Joaquin Phoenix
85. Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin
84. Trolley Wood - Eisley
83. Memories - Eisley
82. Red Hot Drops - Chad Van Gaalen
81. This Modern Love - Bloc Party
80. Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
79. Chocolate - Snow Patrol
78. World Wide Suicide - Pearl Jam
77. Like U Crazy - Mates of State
76. I Don't Believe You - The Magnetic Fields
75. Lift Me - Madrugada feat. Arie Brun
74. Sam's Town - The Killers
73. Scratch - Kendall Payne
72. It Ain't Me, Babe - Joaquin Phoenix
71. Sgt. Major - Jet
70. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
69. Everyday Is a Holiday - Esthero w/Sean Lennon
68. The Hidden Track - Earlimart
67. Your Heart Is An Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
66. The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
65. Sometimes Always [cover] - The Brakes
64. I'm A Cuckoo - Belle And Sebastian
63. Hoppinpolla - Sigur Ros
62. Across The Universe - Rufus Wainwright
61. Get Through - Mark Joseph
60. I Think I Need A New Heart - The Magnetic Fields
59. Handle With Care - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
58. You Are What You Love - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins
57. Rise Up With Fists!!! - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
56. MFEO: Part 1 - Jack's Mannequin
55. OLE! - The Bouncing Souls
54. Losing Lisa Ben Folds
53. Gone - Ben Folds
52. The Model - Belle And Sebastian
51. Piazza, New York Catcher - Belle And Sebastian
50. Dear Catastrophe Waitress - Belle And Sebastian
49. Blood And Peanut Butter - Camplight
48. Somewhere Across Forever - Stellastarr*
47. Are You True? - The New Amsterdams
46. Sometimes The Sun - The Lashes
45. Why Do I Keep Counting? - The Killers
44. For Reason's Unknown - The Killers
43. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne
42. Golly Sandra - Eisley
41. How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol
40. Who I Am Hates Who I've Become - Relient K
39. From California (acoustic) - The New Amsterdams
38. Uncle Jonny - The Killers
37. The Charging Sky - Jenny Lewis And The Watson Twins
36. Maybe Tomorrow - Goldenhorse
35. Baby's Been Bad - Goldenhorse
34. The Engine Driver - The Decemberists
33. I'm A Rocker - Bruce Springsteen
32. Wrapped Up In Books - Belle And Sebastian
31. You Don't Send Me - Belle And Sebastian
30. You Only Live Once - The Strokes
29. In The Sun - Michael Stipe w/Chris Martin
28. Hip Teens Don't Wear Blue Jeans - The Frank Popp Ensemble
27. Zak And Sara - Ben Folds
26. Rescued - Jack's Mannequin
25. Beautiful World - Colin Hay
24. I Hear The Bells - Mike Doughty
23. Read My Mind - The Killers
22. Sukie In The Graveyard - Belle And Sebastian
21. I Dare You - Shinedown
20. We Will Become Silouhettes - The Postal Service
19. High - James Blunt
18. Am I Just One - Carey Ott
17. We Are The Sleepyheads - Belle And Sebastian
16. Stay Loose - Belle And Sebastian
15. Forever Lost - The Magic Numbers
14. Jessica - Adam Green
13. Little By Little - Oasis
12. All You Need Is Hate - The Delgados
11. The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts - Sufjan Stevens
10. Flying High - Jem
9. I'm Gonna Make You Love Me - The Jayhawks
8. Kiss The Girl - Get Set Go
7. Drinking For 11 - The Mad Caddies
6. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
5. Why Does It Always Rain On Me - Travis
4. Adelaide - Old 97s
3. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
2. Precious - Depeche Mode
1. Sunset Soon Forgotten - Iron And Wine
And it's right HERE that I realize iTunes fucked me by including 16 songs tied for #200 at the bottom of the list. So. uh... well, you do the math!
15. Kill The Messenger - Jack's Mannequin
14. If You Find Yourself Caught In Love - Belle And Sebastian
13. Butterfly - Weezer
12. Peace - Weezer
11. It Must Be Summer - Fountains of Wayne
10. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (cover) - Elefant
9. Defying Gravity - Wicked Soundtrack
8. Saint Simon - The Shins
7. Hackensack - Fountains of Wayne
6. Lord Anthony - Belle And Sebastian
5. Mi Mancherai (Il Postino) - Josh Groban
4. Crown of Love - The Arcade Fire
3. The Luckiest - Ben Folds
2. Telescope Eyes - Eisley
1. If She Wants Me - Belle And Sebastian
2006-12-12
2006-12-11
2006-11-22
Can't Be Witty Today
My friend who passed away earlier this year would have turned 30 yesterday.
...
I can't even begin to wrap my brain around that. It still seems completely unreal at times... almost impossible that someone I've known all my life is gone.
It's odd the things that'll spark him to memory though. Almost anything can do it.
I sat at the Bridge School Benefit watching Pearl Jam with a tear in my eye thinking how much he would have loved to be there.
I get e-mails from Master Replicas about their latest Star Wars collectible coming out and smile thinking how quickly he would have ordered it.
I see the Harry Potter trailer online and feel a bit of sadness that he'll never get to see how that story wraps up.
It's been a tough year for me... lots of changes personally and professionally. Turning 30 myself in about a month so that's always a... well, I guess "milestone" is a word to use.
But we continue to live. We smile, we cry... we perservere and live our lives the way we think is best. And hopefully the way he would have liked it.
We'll be getting together on Saturday night to play some poker and drink a whole hell of a lot, I'd imagine.
Just the way he would have liked it.
We miss you, buddy... and we'll never forget you.
...
I can't even begin to wrap my brain around that. It still seems completely unreal at times... almost impossible that someone I've known all my life is gone.
It's odd the things that'll spark him to memory though. Almost anything can do it.
I sat at the Bridge School Benefit watching Pearl Jam with a tear in my eye thinking how much he would have loved to be there.
I get e-mails from Master Replicas about their latest Star Wars collectible coming out and smile thinking how quickly he would have ordered it.
I see the Harry Potter trailer online and feel a bit of sadness that he'll never get to see how that story wraps up.
It's been a tough year for me... lots of changes personally and professionally. Turning 30 myself in about a month so that's always a... well, I guess "milestone" is a word to use.
But we continue to live. We smile, we cry... we perservere and live our lives the way we think is best. And hopefully the way he would have liked it.
We'll be getting together on Saturday night to play some poker and drink a whole hell of a lot, I'd imagine.
Just the way he would have liked it.
We miss you, buddy... and we'll never forget you.
2006-11-17
Think He'll Have Buyer's Remorse?
And no, I didn't Photoshop this. This was a legit eBay page at around 7 AM PST this morning.
2006-10-16
Tracy Morgan Is A Jedi!
So, I've got a few extra minutes in the day suddenly as I find myself working a 6AM-3PM shift for the next two weeks. Whatever shall I do with all that extra time at home.
...
Which brings us here.
Lots of stuff I could write about... lots of topics "in the news."
The Dodgers' season is tragically over... and I've got no real excuses for them other than, "Damn, the Mets are pretty good."
The Lakers' season is about to start... and half the team is injured already including the coach. Not a good sign.
Cinemax is showing all six Star Wars movies in order... AND IN HD! That's definite cause for celebration and likely a sick day if I had my druthers.
Kurt Angle in TNA? Weird.
Rich Franklin destroyed? Neat!
Ahhh... the new TV season. That seems Post-Worthy.
My viewing schedule is pretty cramped this season thus far... even without a few early drops [Smith, Jericho, Justice].
Monday is crazy... take a look...
How I Met Your Mother is off to a great start for their second season. You have to wonder in the back of your mind how long they can really go before introducing the mother but as long as NPH is there in his brilliant greatness, I'm along for the ride to find out.
The Class - What's this? A second CBS show on my viewing slate?! This one is... interesting. I haven't decided how much I like it yet but it's been good for a few laughs in the first few weeks.
Heroes - Sodding brilliant! I'm enjoying the hell out of this one so far. Curious to see where it leads.
Studio 60 - My absolute favorite new show of the season. It's a damn shame that the ratings suck because this truly is Sorkin's return to brilliance. It seems to be one of those "too smart for the mass populace" shows that die a painful and regretful death [see: Arrested Development] because the people who watched Everybody Loves Raymond for ten years can't keep up with it. Tis a shame. I think it's not long for this time slot at minimum... maybe not long for this world which will make me angry.
Weeds - Love it. Love, love, love it. I adore Mary Louise Parker to no end. Showtime could put on 30 minutes of her doing her nails and I'd be riveted. And in HD? Ohhhh, lawd have mercy.
And somewhere in there, I still manage to find time for Raw. When 24 comes back? We may have a problem. I'm running out of TVs. Oh, and I forgot What About Brian which made its return last week. A fun show but I'm going to have trouble squeezing it into the viewing pattern every week.
Tuesday
-------
Damn all of you! All of you fuckers not watching Veronica Mars religiously and making me afraid someone's going to rip it off my TV! WATCH! PLEEEEEEEASE! You so won't regret it. I promise. I swear. Would I lie?
Other than that, Tuesday is my "catchup" night to watch everything that I couldn't on Monday.
Oh, and ECW gets squeezed in there somewhere too usually to be watched in fast forward on the weekend.
Wednesday
---------
I watched 30 Rock last week. I was surprised at how funny it was. It bombed in the ratings though so I probably shouldn't get attached but any show that had an underwear-clad Tracy Morgan running through traffic with a lightsaber screaming "I AM A JEDI!" gets my support for the moment.
I DVRd 20 Good Years... haven't watched it yet. Don't know if I will.
LOST!! I'm still a Lost junkie. The first five minutes of this season absolutely floored me. I adore this show and a curse on all of those haters talking it down. If you're not watching Lost, you should be... you still should be.
The Nine has been DVRd twice... and hasn't been watched yet. Not sure it will either.
Thursday
--------
After giving up on Earl three eps in last season, I've decided to try it again. I haven't been disappointed so far. It's a funny bone tickler that warms me up for...
THE OFFICE! Whereas The Office won the "Funniest Show on TV" title last season sorta by default when AD went belly-up, it really earned it towards the last half of the season. This season has been great so far as well and is easily one of my most eagerly anticipated shows of the week.
Ugly Betty. Eh. It's okay.
Gray's Anatomy. Not really feeling this season of this. It's too much of a downer.
Six Degrees. This one's okay. It doesn't make me want to turn the TV off so that's a good thing, right?
The Ultimate Fighter. Oh, this season blows but Matt Serra makes me tune in every week for his comedy-filled cornerwork.
TNA Impact. Taped for a very, very, very fast forward later in the week.
Friday
-----
I tape Smackdown out of habit. I usually visually skim it very quickly on the weekend... but sometimes just end up deleting it. Lately, it seems like I've been watching wrestling out of force of habit moreso than any kind of enjoyment of it.
Saturday
-------
Nothing! It's catchup day.
Sunday
------
Desperate Housewives is it. It's been better than last year. Pretty entertaining.
And that's that!
...
Which brings us here.
Lots of stuff I could write about... lots of topics "in the news."
The Dodgers' season is tragically over... and I've got no real excuses for them other than, "Damn, the Mets are pretty good."
The Lakers' season is about to start... and half the team is injured already including the coach. Not a good sign.
Cinemax is showing all six Star Wars movies in order... AND IN HD! That's definite cause for celebration and likely a sick day if I had my druthers.
Kurt Angle in TNA? Weird.
Rich Franklin destroyed? Neat!
Ahhh... the new TV season. That seems Post-Worthy.
My viewing schedule is pretty cramped this season thus far... even without a few early drops [Smith, Jericho, Justice].
Monday is crazy... take a look...
How I Met Your Mother is off to a great start for their second season. You have to wonder in the back of your mind how long they can really go before introducing the mother but as long as NPH is there in his brilliant greatness, I'm along for the ride to find out.
The Class - What's this? A second CBS show on my viewing slate?! This one is... interesting. I haven't decided how much I like it yet but it's been good for a few laughs in the first few weeks.
Heroes - Sodding brilliant! I'm enjoying the hell out of this one so far. Curious to see where it leads.
Studio 60 - My absolute favorite new show of the season. It's a damn shame that the ratings suck because this truly is Sorkin's return to brilliance. It seems to be one of those "too smart for the mass populace" shows that die a painful and regretful death [see: Arrested Development] because the people who watched Everybody Loves Raymond for ten years can't keep up with it. Tis a shame. I think it's not long for this time slot at minimum... maybe not long for this world which will make me angry.
Weeds - Love it. Love, love, love it. I adore Mary Louise Parker to no end. Showtime could put on 30 minutes of her doing her nails and I'd be riveted. And in HD? Ohhhh, lawd have mercy.
And somewhere in there, I still manage to find time for Raw. When 24 comes back? We may have a problem. I'm running out of TVs. Oh, and I forgot What About Brian which made its return last week. A fun show but I'm going to have trouble squeezing it into the viewing pattern every week.
Tuesday
-------
Damn all of you! All of you fuckers not watching Veronica Mars religiously and making me afraid someone's going to rip it off my TV! WATCH! PLEEEEEEEASE! You so won't regret it. I promise. I swear. Would I lie?
Other than that, Tuesday is my "catchup" night to watch everything that I couldn't on Monday.
Oh, and ECW gets squeezed in there somewhere too usually to be watched in fast forward on the weekend.
Wednesday
---------
I watched 30 Rock last week. I was surprised at how funny it was. It bombed in the ratings though so I probably shouldn't get attached but any show that had an underwear-clad Tracy Morgan running through traffic with a lightsaber screaming "I AM A JEDI!" gets my support for the moment.
I DVRd 20 Good Years... haven't watched it yet. Don't know if I will.
LOST!! I'm still a Lost junkie. The first five minutes of this season absolutely floored me. I adore this show and a curse on all of those haters talking it down. If you're not watching Lost, you should be... you still should be.
The Nine has been DVRd twice... and hasn't been watched yet. Not sure it will either.
Thursday
--------
After giving up on Earl three eps in last season, I've decided to try it again. I haven't been disappointed so far. It's a funny bone tickler that warms me up for...
THE OFFICE! Whereas The Office won the "Funniest Show on TV" title last season sorta by default when AD went belly-up, it really earned it towards the last half of the season. This season has been great so far as well and is easily one of my most eagerly anticipated shows of the week.
Ugly Betty. Eh. It's okay.
Gray's Anatomy. Not really feeling this season of this. It's too much of a downer.
Six Degrees. This one's okay. It doesn't make me want to turn the TV off so that's a good thing, right?
The Ultimate Fighter. Oh, this season blows but Matt Serra makes me tune in every week for his comedy-filled cornerwork.
TNA Impact. Taped for a very, very, very fast forward later in the week.
Friday
-----
I tape Smackdown out of habit. I usually visually skim it very quickly on the weekend... but sometimes just end up deleting it. Lately, it seems like I've been watching wrestling out of force of habit moreso than any kind of enjoyment of it.
Saturday
-------
Nothing! It's catchup day.
Sunday
------
Desperate Housewives is it. It's been better than last year. Pretty entertaining.
And that's that!
2006-10-07
2006-10-06
Some Things Just Don't Need An Intro
Much love to ya, Markus.
"So I am watching the Yankees/Tigers game tonight and they have Ernie Harwell on the TV being interviewed. He used to be one of the broadcasters for the Brooklyn Dodgers and is the Tigers radio broadcaster.
As the interview goes on, they talk about the times when he broadcasted when Jackie Robinson was on the team and they mention a few other players.
During this time, Joe Morgan had to interject, "That was when they were the REAL Dodgers."
Now I know why you dislike all that is Joe Morgan. And that is why Joe Morgan is a Buttfucker."
"So I am watching the Yankees/Tigers game tonight and they have Ernie Harwell on the TV being interviewed. He used to be one of the broadcasters for the Brooklyn Dodgers and is the Tigers radio broadcaster.
As the interview goes on, they talk about the times when he broadcasted when Jackie Robinson was on the team and they mention a few other players.
During this time, Joe Morgan had to interject, "That was when they were the REAL Dodgers."
Now I know why you dislike all that is Joe Morgan. And that is why Joe Morgan is a Buttfucker."
2006-09-27
New Beginnings
I've gotta admit... this whole blogging thing never quite panned out as I had expected. I pictured myself posting everyday, enlisting a legion of shee- err, readers who would wander the earth to carry out my most evil of plots.
...
Or something like that.
But between the new job and other recent events, I just seem to push off my "writing hour" every night.
Yes, I'm supposed to have a "writing hour."
At Comic-Con this year, I went to a panel called "Fans Turned Pro"... supposed to be some kind of inspirational talk designed for inspiring writers to somehow glean something of great brilliance in a 60 minute panel.
What did I take away from it?
Brad Meltzer, while working a "day job", promised himself that no matter what he'd write an hour a night, just to keep sharp while working towards publishing his first novel. I really like Meltzer's comic work... his novel that I read wasn't too shabby either... so I thought this was a hell of an idea.
I adopted his plan, determined to spend at least sixty minutes writing every night. Be it on here... something more creative... whatever.
But so go the best laid plans of mice and men.
I think I've written one hour total since then maybe. Of course, I could give you the excuses... crazy project at work... really busy weekends... umm... uhhh...
Eh... I'm just lazy.
Go Dodgers!
...
Or something like that.
But between the new job and other recent events, I just seem to push off my "writing hour" every night.
Yes, I'm supposed to have a "writing hour."
At Comic-Con this year, I went to a panel called "Fans Turned Pro"... supposed to be some kind of inspirational talk designed for inspiring writers to somehow glean something of great brilliance in a 60 minute panel.
What did I take away from it?
Brad Meltzer, while working a "day job", promised himself that no matter what he'd write an hour a night, just to keep sharp while working towards publishing his first novel. I really like Meltzer's comic work... his novel that I read wasn't too shabby either... so I thought this was a hell of an idea.
I adopted his plan, determined to spend at least sixty minutes writing every night. Be it on here... something more creative... whatever.
But so go the best laid plans of mice and men.
I think I've written one hour total since then maybe. Of course, I could give you the excuses... crazy project at work... really busy weekends... umm... uhhh...
Eh... I'm just lazy.
Go Dodgers!
2006-09-24
2006-09-11
In Remembrance
A little over a month since my last post and unfortunately for those looking for something a little brighter in tone, this one's going to be a bit depressing.
When Brian called me to tell me about our friend's funeral, we had the same thought at the same time...
"What if they want us to say something?"
It's a reasonable concern. They say that people fear public speaking more than death itself. At one time, that probably would have been me as well... hasn't been that way for a long time though. I wasn't worried about that.
What freaked me out was the modern day trend of "open mic" eulogies... those funerals where they turn over the mic to the crowd and offer time for anyone who wants to say something.
Not that I was afraid to get up there really... I was concerned that I couldn't do it... that I'd be physically unable to get the words out.
But my greatest fear was no one doing it... was everyone sitting and staring. People don't like public speaking... there'd be no shame and not getting up to say your part on an emotional day.
But I wouldn't let it happen. Brian and I pledged we'd have something in our head... something to say if we needed to. Something to say... just in case.
It turned out not to be needed. They had one person speak and that's it. They didn't need to hear our words.
But somehow I've continued to keep mine in my head... somehow I think I need to "say" it.
So, in the hopes of one more step towards closure, I give you my eulogy to the best of my recollection.
***
I've known Danny for over twenty years... and yeah, I'm going to call him Danny. I never got used to the whole "Dan" thing. It's hard to change someone's name in your own head after such a long time.
Danny's been my friend for over twenty years... something that not a lot of people can say these days. These days most people change friends every few years... calling them "accquaintances" to make it somehow better. But Danny was my friend.
In a lot of ways, none of this seems real to me yet. For the past week, I've felt like that any second I'd snap out of it... that I'd wake up and find out it was all a really bad dream. I keep thinking I'll wake up and find myself back in high school, Danny rocking back and forth in a chair, beating me senseless in his latest video game he'd bought... or sitting in his living room getting mad at me for reading comics quicker than him. That's the Danny I'll remember.
But being here today, it's kind of a reality check. This really is all happening. This isn't going away. It's something we all have to find a way to deal with.
To me, Danny will always be the friend who was ready to do anything at anytime. I'm sure every group of friends has one... Danny was ours. He was the guy who would be driving around the desert in the morning, hear an ad on the radio, and drive all the way to San Diego for a concert that night. He didn't argue about it. He never had "better things to do." That wasn't Danny.
To me, Danny was the friend who was always there for me. I may not have realized it a month ago... but I do now. He was the one who I shared a locker with in high school... the one who offered to share his locker with me even though he'd gotten up early to get one and I had gotten there too late. He didn't care. He offered it and didn't hesitate. He was the one who I spent every Wednesday after school with for almost two years, racing down Main Street to the comic store, then going to his house to read everything we'd bought. He helped me move when we'd barely talked in months. He'd call to offer concert tickets when we hadn't seen each other in ages. No matter how many days, weeks, months it had been... he'd be there and he wouldn't hesitate to do it.
In my life, I was never lucky enough to have a sibling. I've always been a little jealous of that bond. But what I was lucky enough to have is a group of friends that I can't imagine being closer to if we were blood. Danny was one of those friends.
So, to me... today, I feel like I lost more than a friend. In a lot of ways, I feel like I lost a brother.
I was fortunate enough to see Danny a couple weeks ago while he was in the hospital. It was only for an hour and a half or so... but it felt like we'd never skipped a beat. We could just as easily have had the same conversation one day after high school... or on the way to a Pearl Jam concert... or hanging out around his dining room table playing poker. It wasn't the conversation you'd expect to have with someone in his situation. He was full of hope... his spirits were high. We talked about going to the Star Wars convention next May he wanted to go to so badly.
And just like that... it was over. Like I said, it just doesn't seem real.
One of the last things Danny said to me that day before I left was, "I hope if nothing else... what I'm going through makes you guys really live your lives."
And I believe he meant that. Even with all the pain he was in... with how afraid he must have been inside, he was thinking of us. He was hopeful that we'd see what he went through and realize that it really could have been any of us. I'm about one month younger than Danny... and trust me, that fact has not been lost on me over the past few weeks. It really could have been any of us.
So, I hope... I really hope that if you are going to take something away from this service today, I hope it's that. I hope that you take hold of that hope... that wish that Danny had. I hope you go home tonight and look at your life... and find that thing you've always wanted to do... that place you've always wanted to go. Find it... and do it. Go on that trip. Write that novel. Get married. Have kids. Whatever it is that you've been pushing off til later, do it... because if we've learned anything in this past month, there may not be a later.
I think the greatest gift... the greatest tribute that any of us could pay to Danny's memory would be to sit back a year from now... one year from today and examine your life. I hope that you all find something... anything... that you did that Danny inspired you to do. Something you wouldn't have done without that wish that we would all go and live our lives like every day is the last. I think... I believe that's the least we can do for someone who meant so much to all of us.
I'm going to let someone else come up here now and share their memories... but before I do, I've got one thing left to say to Danny... and a lot of people will laugh... but I do it because I know Danny would have loved it.
The Force will be with you, my friend... always.
***
When Brian called me to tell me about our friend's funeral, we had the same thought at the same time...
"What if they want us to say something?"
It's a reasonable concern. They say that people fear public speaking more than death itself. At one time, that probably would have been me as well... hasn't been that way for a long time though. I wasn't worried about that.
What freaked me out was the modern day trend of "open mic" eulogies... those funerals where they turn over the mic to the crowd and offer time for anyone who wants to say something.
Not that I was afraid to get up there really... I was concerned that I couldn't do it... that I'd be physically unable to get the words out.
But my greatest fear was no one doing it... was everyone sitting and staring. People don't like public speaking... there'd be no shame and not getting up to say your part on an emotional day.
But I wouldn't let it happen. Brian and I pledged we'd have something in our head... something to say if we needed to. Something to say... just in case.
It turned out not to be needed. They had one person speak and that's it. They didn't need to hear our words.
But somehow I've continued to keep mine in my head... somehow I think I need to "say" it.
So, in the hopes of one more step towards closure, I give you my eulogy to the best of my recollection.
***
I've known Danny for over twenty years... and yeah, I'm going to call him Danny. I never got used to the whole "Dan" thing. It's hard to change someone's name in your own head after such a long time.
Danny's been my friend for over twenty years... something that not a lot of people can say these days. These days most people change friends every few years... calling them "accquaintances" to make it somehow better. But Danny was my friend.
In a lot of ways, none of this seems real to me yet. For the past week, I've felt like that any second I'd snap out of it... that I'd wake up and find out it was all a really bad dream. I keep thinking I'll wake up and find myself back in high school, Danny rocking back and forth in a chair, beating me senseless in his latest video game he'd bought... or sitting in his living room getting mad at me for reading comics quicker than him. That's the Danny I'll remember.
But being here today, it's kind of a reality check. This really is all happening. This isn't going away. It's something we all have to find a way to deal with.
To me, Danny will always be the friend who was ready to do anything at anytime. I'm sure every group of friends has one... Danny was ours. He was the guy who would be driving around the desert in the morning, hear an ad on the radio, and drive all the way to San Diego for a concert that night. He didn't argue about it. He never had "better things to do." That wasn't Danny.
To me, Danny was the friend who was always there for me. I may not have realized it a month ago... but I do now. He was the one who I shared a locker with in high school... the one who offered to share his locker with me even though he'd gotten up early to get one and I had gotten there too late. He didn't care. He offered it and didn't hesitate. He was the one who I spent every Wednesday after school with for almost two years, racing down Main Street to the comic store, then going to his house to read everything we'd bought. He helped me move when we'd barely talked in months. He'd call to offer concert tickets when we hadn't seen each other in ages. No matter how many days, weeks, months it had been... he'd be there and he wouldn't hesitate to do it.
In my life, I was never lucky enough to have a sibling. I've always been a little jealous of that bond. But what I was lucky enough to have is a group of friends that I can't imagine being closer to if we were blood. Danny was one of those friends.
So, to me... today, I feel like I lost more than a friend. In a lot of ways, I feel like I lost a brother.
I was fortunate enough to see Danny a couple weeks ago while he was in the hospital. It was only for an hour and a half or so... but it felt like we'd never skipped a beat. We could just as easily have had the same conversation one day after high school... or on the way to a Pearl Jam concert... or hanging out around his dining room table playing poker. It wasn't the conversation you'd expect to have with someone in his situation. He was full of hope... his spirits were high. We talked about going to the Star Wars convention next May he wanted to go to so badly.
And just like that... it was over. Like I said, it just doesn't seem real.
One of the last things Danny said to me that day before I left was, "I hope if nothing else... what I'm going through makes you guys really live your lives."
And I believe he meant that. Even with all the pain he was in... with how afraid he must have been inside, he was thinking of us. He was hopeful that we'd see what he went through and realize that it really could have been any of us. I'm about one month younger than Danny... and trust me, that fact has not been lost on me over the past few weeks. It really could have been any of us.
So, I hope... I really hope that if you are going to take something away from this service today, I hope it's that. I hope that you take hold of that hope... that wish that Danny had. I hope you go home tonight and look at your life... and find that thing you've always wanted to do... that place you've always wanted to go. Find it... and do it. Go on that trip. Write that novel. Get married. Have kids. Whatever it is that you've been pushing off til later, do it... because if we've learned anything in this past month, there may not be a later.
I think the greatest gift... the greatest tribute that any of us could pay to Danny's memory would be to sit back a year from now... one year from today and examine your life. I hope that you all find something... anything... that you did that Danny inspired you to do. Something you wouldn't have done without that wish that we would all go and live our lives like every day is the last. I think... I believe that's the least we can do for someone who meant so much to all of us.
I'm going to let someone else come up here now and share their memories... but before I do, I've got one thing left to say to Danny... and a lot of people will laugh... but I do it because I know Danny would have loved it.
The Force will be with you, my friend... always.
***
2006-08-09
The Fragile
This one's gonna be a little different.
They say that creative people use their respective outlets as a way to express their emotions... a way to shine their happiness, to rage with their anger, to engage in war with their frustrations.
And I would imagine... to cry with their sorrow.
What do you do when you can't speak without your voice cracking... you can't blink without tears covering your face? When your heart is breaking apart and all the glue in the world couldn't stand a chance of healing it?
I can't speak. I can barely think. I feel like the entire world is crashing down all around me. It just doesn't seem real. It seems like I'm gonna get a jab in the ribs from B and told to stop talking in my sleep.
It seems impossible... that the day will simply shrink away and everything will be right again.
A friend has died.
It comes like a thunderstorm. A call from another friend... the ringtone alone sending chills down my spine. It was just a few short weeks ago that my friend sent a text "In the hospital. Have leukemia."
In a day when you read of people getting fired through texting, it seems almost unreal to use that medium to tell your friends that you've got cancer... but that was my friend. Always unique. Always doing things the way they shouldn't be done. My heart fell to my knees when I read it but there was still the gimmer of hope. The thought that maybe it wasn't as cold and chilling as it sounded. Leukemia.
It's the thing you always hear about with kids... never someone your own age. And then the feeling sets in. He's 29... he was months from turning 30. Just like me. And he's got cancer. Your entire perspective on reality shifts. "If it can happen to him then..." You start counting up the things you haven't done... the things you wish you hadn't done... the things that you've been pushing off "for later" and then it sinks in.
What happens when there's no more later?
It's selfish, I know... to drown in your own mortality while your friend is battling for his life in a hospital bed. But it's unavoidable. First, you feel frightened... then comes the guilt.
Why wasn't I a better friend? Why do I have to admit that we barely spoke outside of e-mails and text messages? Why do I have to freely admit that he was frequently the butt of jokes? It doesn't seem fair. It's some kind of cruel twist of fate.
A few days before we got the news, another friend of ours got engaged saying, "We needed a reason to all get together again." Upon parting that night, he commented that we only all get together at weddings anymore. I flippantly replied, "Soon it'll be funerals."
I've hated myself for that for three weeks now. It's that superstitious nature in us all that says somehow we contributed... somehow we said the wrong thing... we tempted fate and made someone else suffer for it. I know it's a ludicrous thought but I can't fight it off.
I was sick when I got the news. Emotionally sick, sure. But physically as well. I had a cold and couldn't risk making the situation worse by dragging my diseased self into his room. I called, of course... we all called. But somehow it just didn't feel like it was enough.
He sounded fine... great. I had a better conversation with him than we'd had in years. He was talking about future plans... about going to this event... going to do this and that. He was in high spirits even though he'd started chemotherapy. They told him they thought they caught it early... they told him that he had an eighty percent chance. It all sounded great. The glimmer grew stronger... a beacon of hope to keep us all from losing ourselves.
I finally got to see him a week or so later. Almost exactly a week ago. I'd heard from others who had gone. "He looks great... strong as can be." "He looks pretty bad but he seems in good spirits." You have to see it for yourself. I felt twisted inside. His parents were there... so full of high spirits. They were talking about him getting out this week... about buying him a new car... about having a poker night for him at their new house. It all seemed to be almost past us... like we had almost creeped over the darkness and all that was beyond us was light.
But it just wasn't right. He looked so pained... so uncomfortable. He wasn't him... but I kept thinking that he would be. That everything would be fine once he got back into the real world. He was a fighter... he's a tough son of a bitch. All the comforting words that people tell each other... I started to buy into it. I thought everything was bright and shiny. He talked a lot about things he wanted to do... about places he thought we should go. He wanted nothing more than to go to the Star Wars convention in LA with me next year. He was so excited about it... so enthused.
I left that day without a worry... without a drop of concern. Somehow I'd managed to convince myself that we were all going to be fine. It was just a blip on the radar... a hiccup in the game of life. He was going to be fine... we all were.
Another week went by. A few calls from friend to friend... asking if we'd heard anything... if we'd spoken to him. The calls grew a little more concerned by the end of the week when it seemed like no one had for a few days.
Then our world got rocked on Sunday. He had taken "a turn for the worse"... a phrase that I'll never be able to hear the same way again. All the joy was ripped out of me. I couldn't believe it. He was in intensive care and "it didn't look good." I couldn't understand... I couldn't wrap my brain around it. "But he was fine on Saturday! They were going to let him out this week!" No one could understand what had happened but we knew... we just knew.
I think I've been prepared since then. The optimist in me held out hope. A call on Monday morning from yet another friend made things darker as he believed they'd put him on life support. It was darkness. Total darkness.
Yet you try to live. You still have to work... you still have to live. The guilt hangs heavy throughout... like you shouldn't be laughing... hell, you shouldn't even be smiling. You batter yourself emotionally. "How the hell can I be laughing at some sitcom while my friend is fighting for his life?" I don't know. I can't answer that. It's just... somehow you have to. If you don't, you'll drown in the darkness. You just... you have to.
No word yesterday. Which almost seemed encouraging to me. I dreaded my phone ringing. I dreaded the news it might bring. Work-related calls brought me joy because they couldn't be what I feared.
And today? The gunshot to the heart.
"He passed away last night."
It rings... echoes through your brain. How? Why?
Especially why.
In a world so dominated by religion, belief, and fate... someone tell me why? Someone explain to me how this fits a divine plan... a holy vision.
How does it make sense for someone not even thirty with a family and friends who loved him... with nephews who adored him...
It's just not right.
I mocked him... relentlessly at times... but I always knew he was a good person. He had his moments where I wanted to strangle him... but never because he was a thoughtless, souless being.
He cared. He loved. He helped.
It's not... it can't be right.
This day can't be happening... it just can't.
Nothing in the world makes sense to me. Nothing stands up right. Everything is broken... twisted... shattered.
Mortality. Friendship. Belief. Emotion. Guilt. Love.
Nothing is the same as it was yesterday. Nothing is right.
The tears continue to roll. My eyes sting as I try to type. My mom was concerned about me... thought I was going to make myself sick as I could barely talk when I spoke to her. I was more concerned about her. Now she has to live with the thought that someone my age... someone she's known for most of his life has died. How can she spend the day not wondering what his parents must be feeling... what it must feel like to lose a child?
I had to call one of our friends to tell him. He sounded shocked... stunned. Like he couldn't believe it. And then he asks if I'm okay. My voice is cracking... I can barely think... my world is crashing and burning...
"Yeah, I'm okay"
I am, I suppose. Like I said, you have to... you just have to live.
Brain. Heart. Soul. It all hurts... and it probably will for a long, long while.
But you just have to live.
One of the last things he ever got to say to me is, "I hope if nothing else... what I'm going through inspires you guys to really live your lives."
You got it, my friend. For you... and all you meant to all of us... it's the least we can do.
We love you, man.
Rest in peace.
They say that creative people use their respective outlets as a way to express their emotions... a way to shine their happiness, to rage with their anger, to engage in war with their frustrations.
And I would imagine... to cry with their sorrow.
What do you do when you can't speak without your voice cracking... you can't blink without tears covering your face? When your heart is breaking apart and all the glue in the world couldn't stand a chance of healing it?
I can't speak. I can barely think. I feel like the entire world is crashing down all around me. It just doesn't seem real. It seems like I'm gonna get a jab in the ribs from B and told to stop talking in my sleep.
It seems impossible... that the day will simply shrink away and everything will be right again.
A friend has died.
It comes like a thunderstorm. A call from another friend... the ringtone alone sending chills down my spine. It was just a few short weeks ago that my friend sent a text "In the hospital. Have leukemia."
In a day when you read of people getting fired through texting, it seems almost unreal to use that medium to tell your friends that you've got cancer... but that was my friend. Always unique. Always doing things the way they shouldn't be done. My heart fell to my knees when I read it but there was still the gimmer of hope. The thought that maybe it wasn't as cold and chilling as it sounded. Leukemia.
It's the thing you always hear about with kids... never someone your own age. And then the feeling sets in. He's 29... he was months from turning 30. Just like me. And he's got cancer. Your entire perspective on reality shifts. "If it can happen to him then..." You start counting up the things you haven't done... the things you wish you hadn't done... the things that you've been pushing off "for later" and then it sinks in.
What happens when there's no more later?
It's selfish, I know... to drown in your own mortality while your friend is battling for his life in a hospital bed. But it's unavoidable. First, you feel frightened... then comes the guilt.
Why wasn't I a better friend? Why do I have to admit that we barely spoke outside of e-mails and text messages? Why do I have to freely admit that he was frequently the butt of jokes? It doesn't seem fair. It's some kind of cruel twist of fate.
A few days before we got the news, another friend of ours got engaged saying, "We needed a reason to all get together again." Upon parting that night, he commented that we only all get together at weddings anymore. I flippantly replied, "Soon it'll be funerals."
I've hated myself for that for three weeks now. It's that superstitious nature in us all that says somehow we contributed... somehow we said the wrong thing... we tempted fate and made someone else suffer for it. I know it's a ludicrous thought but I can't fight it off.
I was sick when I got the news. Emotionally sick, sure. But physically as well. I had a cold and couldn't risk making the situation worse by dragging my diseased self into his room. I called, of course... we all called. But somehow it just didn't feel like it was enough.
He sounded fine... great. I had a better conversation with him than we'd had in years. He was talking about future plans... about going to this event... going to do this and that. He was in high spirits even though he'd started chemotherapy. They told him they thought they caught it early... they told him that he had an eighty percent chance. It all sounded great. The glimmer grew stronger... a beacon of hope to keep us all from losing ourselves.
I finally got to see him a week or so later. Almost exactly a week ago. I'd heard from others who had gone. "He looks great... strong as can be." "He looks pretty bad but he seems in good spirits." You have to see it for yourself. I felt twisted inside. His parents were there... so full of high spirits. They were talking about him getting out this week... about buying him a new car... about having a poker night for him at their new house. It all seemed to be almost past us... like we had almost creeped over the darkness and all that was beyond us was light.
But it just wasn't right. He looked so pained... so uncomfortable. He wasn't him... but I kept thinking that he would be. That everything would be fine once he got back into the real world. He was a fighter... he's a tough son of a bitch. All the comforting words that people tell each other... I started to buy into it. I thought everything was bright and shiny. He talked a lot about things he wanted to do... about places he thought we should go. He wanted nothing more than to go to the Star Wars convention in LA with me next year. He was so excited about it... so enthused.
I left that day without a worry... without a drop of concern. Somehow I'd managed to convince myself that we were all going to be fine. It was just a blip on the radar... a hiccup in the game of life. He was going to be fine... we all were.
Another week went by. A few calls from friend to friend... asking if we'd heard anything... if we'd spoken to him. The calls grew a little more concerned by the end of the week when it seemed like no one had for a few days.
Then our world got rocked on Sunday. He had taken "a turn for the worse"... a phrase that I'll never be able to hear the same way again. All the joy was ripped out of me. I couldn't believe it. He was in intensive care and "it didn't look good." I couldn't understand... I couldn't wrap my brain around it. "But he was fine on Saturday! They were going to let him out this week!" No one could understand what had happened but we knew... we just knew.
I think I've been prepared since then. The optimist in me held out hope. A call on Monday morning from yet another friend made things darker as he believed they'd put him on life support. It was darkness. Total darkness.
Yet you try to live. You still have to work... you still have to live. The guilt hangs heavy throughout... like you shouldn't be laughing... hell, you shouldn't even be smiling. You batter yourself emotionally. "How the hell can I be laughing at some sitcom while my friend is fighting for his life?" I don't know. I can't answer that. It's just... somehow you have to. If you don't, you'll drown in the darkness. You just... you have to.
No word yesterday. Which almost seemed encouraging to me. I dreaded my phone ringing. I dreaded the news it might bring. Work-related calls brought me joy because they couldn't be what I feared.
And today? The gunshot to the heart.
"He passed away last night."
It rings... echoes through your brain. How? Why?
Especially why.
In a world so dominated by religion, belief, and fate... someone tell me why? Someone explain to me how this fits a divine plan... a holy vision.
How does it make sense for someone not even thirty with a family and friends who loved him... with nephews who adored him...
It's just not right.
I mocked him... relentlessly at times... but I always knew he was a good person. He had his moments where I wanted to strangle him... but never because he was a thoughtless, souless being.
He cared. He loved. He helped.
It's not... it can't be right.
This day can't be happening... it just can't.
Nothing in the world makes sense to me. Nothing stands up right. Everything is broken... twisted... shattered.
Mortality. Friendship. Belief. Emotion. Guilt. Love.
Nothing is the same as it was yesterday. Nothing is right.
The tears continue to roll. My eyes sting as I try to type. My mom was concerned about me... thought I was going to make myself sick as I could barely talk when I spoke to her. I was more concerned about her. Now she has to live with the thought that someone my age... someone she's known for most of his life has died. How can she spend the day not wondering what his parents must be feeling... what it must feel like to lose a child?
I had to call one of our friends to tell him. He sounded shocked... stunned. Like he couldn't believe it. And then he asks if I'm okay. My voice is cracking... I can barely think... my world is crashing and burning...
"Yeah, I'm okay"
I am, I suppose. Like I said, you have to... you just have to live.
Brain. Heart. Soul. It all hurts... and it probably will for a long, long while.
But you just have to live.
One of the last things he ever got to say to me is, "I hope if nothing else... what I'm going through inspires you guys to really live your lives."
You got it, my friend. For you... and all you meant to all of us... it's the least we can do.
We love you, man.
Rest in peace.
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