Eh... what the hell? I can't think of anything else to write about and I haven't actually watched Raw in a while.
My DVR was taping something else so it starts a little late. Jericho is in the ring, mouth all busted up from his ladder match with Shawn Michaels last night. No Mercy sounds like it was a hell of a show and I should probably check it out at some point. Apparently, Jericho is playing the role of GM for the night as he announces HBK vs Lance Cade in an "anything goes" match [I think that's what he said at least.] He says he's done with HBK and has nothing left to prove to him. Cue Batista.
You know, for someone who is presumably a pretty tough guy, Batista looks quite metrosexual in his tank top. Oh, but he's got a wallet chain. Back to the tough guy status for sure. He'll kick anyone's ass. The crowd goes wild for Batista's entrance but really seem like they couldn't give a shit after he gets to the ring. Batista's challenging Jericho for the title since he won the #1 contender match last night. I like Jericho as the champ but I don't know if I care about Batista as his challenger.
Oh, and Batista's sunglasses don't do him any favors either.
This promo is awful. Jericho holds up his end but when Batista speaks, my hand creeps towards the remote. Oh god. He spinebustered Jericho and yelled, "You mess with the bull, you get the horns." Wow.
Matt Hardy/Rey Rey vs Mark Henry/Kane is hyped for later in the show. I really have no desire to see that.
Recap of the Batista spinebuster. I never understood why they show so many "moments ago" recaps. So, during the commercial, Jericho announced that Batista will defend his #1 contendership against JBL. Alllllright. That makes zero sense. JBL lost the first time in five minutes. Jericho hates JBL and wouldn't want him to be the #1 contender either so... oh, Jericho's going to ref. Well, that'll suck.
Regal's at ringside. Cue Jamie Noble and Mickie James for a mixed tag match. I'm super-stoked that Noble is getting so much TV time lately And in a feud with Regal no less. YES! This mixed tag is against Glamarella. This just became worlds better. Santino's got a mic so the segment just got a thumbs up in my book. Santino apparently has been criticized for being "too ethnic" so he has adopted a new favorite NBA team - the Oklahoma City Thunder. I'm guessing they're in Seattle from the boos. Not my favorite Santino promo but still worlds better than most of what we'll get on this show.
Santino's wearing the OKC Thunder t-shirt under his singlet - awesome. Glamarella wins with a Santino schoolboy when Noble was distracted by Beth. Didn't get enough time to be worth a damn unfortunately. That could've been a lot of fun, I think. Regal/Noble brawl at ringside. Awesome. It kinda reminds me of that really cool Val Venis/Rikishi feud a few years ago that really came out of nowhere but just rocked the midcard for a month or so.
HBK promo with Todd Grisham. Uh oh. It's serious HBK. He's got his silly cowboy hat in his locker that says HBK on it. Tee hee. Clenched teeth promo - that's when you know HBK means business. He says he's going to show everyone he still has gas left in the tank. That's good but unless Cade's getting a huge push, I'm not sure what's next for HBK.
Kofi Kingson out next. He has been kinda stuck in a rut since losing the IC Title. Here comes Priceless. So, apparently even though Cole said it's a tag match, it's going to be Dibiase vs Kofi. I really like the second generation stable but they really could use something to make them stand out a little more and not make them look like mini-Ortons. Here comes CM Punk... I guess he's going to be in Kofi's corner. Whatever.
Kofi always looks like he's having so much fun in the ring. You would think that with the popularity of Punk, Bourne, and Kofi, the WWE might get the idea that the fans don't want everyone's wrestling style to be the same. Heeeey! Dibiase with a double stomp off the middle rope. Nice. Anyone else think Kofi could be a Tito Santana for this generation? Occasional IC champ, maybe a tag champ once in a while. Can pretty much always lose and never lose heat. Dibiase wins with the Million Dollar Legsweep which I kinda enjoy. I'm not sure about Manu yet. I don't even know if I've seen him wrestle. He can't play the Wild Samoan thing though which hurts him, I think.
ECW Main Event: Punk/Kofi/Bourne/Ortiz vs Rhodes/Dibiase/Morrison/Miz. Holy crap. That might be the best thing I've heard in ages. That could be a ton of fun.
Jericho backstage with Orton. Did Orton get more ink done during his injury? Jericho says he's going to "put Orton to work." Ooooh - mysterious.
John Cena health update. They're making the Cena/Batista match from Summerslam look like some kind of epic war. I don't remember if it was any good or not. Batista's putting over that he fucked up Cena's neck with the powerbomb but that Cena was still able to get up. Cena's doctor! I love these. They always remind me of that nutty looking guy they had do Steamboat's injury updates during the Savage angle. Showing Cena in rehab. 3-4 months the doctor says. So, that means Cena will be back next week, right?
Kane! Mark Henry! TONY ATLAS! WHO GOT A CELLA PHONE? Dolph Zigler might. He introduces himself but no one cares - probably no one at home either.
Rey Rey on his way to the ring. Here comes that tag match that I really think might blow ass. And I'm going to predict that it'll be Kane who fucks it up. Cause Mark Henry throwing Rey Rey around? Golden. Mark Henry bitchbeating Matt Hardy? Amazing. I don't really get the Kane/Rey feud - I guess it's the mask but... eh, whatever. Matt Hardy comes out. Man, Mark Henry has come a long way from fucking around with Mae Young and Chyna. Plus, he's got Tony Atlas with him. TONY ATLAS! Here comes Kane with quasi-new music. I'm guessing he's had that for a while and I just never noticed. Rey adjusts his mask while Kane stalks down the aisle. I wonder if that was intentional because it's kinda cool psychology.
Oh! Enzugiri seemed to catch Kane in the cheek. Matt Hardy in there with Kane and I feel safe in betting no one will mention their prior feud. Sekshul Choklit in the ring. Double dropkick on Kane makes me wish Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson were still around.
Awesome. We came back from commercial in a chinlock. That'll put asses in the seats. Crowd's pretty hot for this one. Some nice legwork on Henry. Beautiful clothesline by Henry. He really has settled into the big man bully offense so well. Rey Rey with a weird springboard legdrop on Henry. Tony Atlas has a shirt with no sleeves and a tie. I think they may be bringing back the Right To Censor. Yeah, Kane's in the ring and this match just went downhill in a hurry. Okay, Henry's headbutt just looked so much better than Kane's. How is that possible? The crowd stayed hot but Kane and Henry won when Kane pinned Matt Hardy. I have no idea how that makes any sense at all. Okay match, I guess.
Pete Rose getting Tombstoned is your 24/7 moment.
HBK vs Cade is next. It's odd how Cade and Kendrick started getting pushes at the same time. How pissed do you think Paul London is? I always thought Lance Cade had potential but even with this recent push, I haven't seen it. Spinebuster through a table in about two minutes. I'm hoping this ends soon or that was just silly. Cade's got a chair. This would be a good time for Paul London to save HBK and defend his honor against Cade for a couple months. Nope. HBK fighting back. Chairshot on Cade. Chair beatdown on Cade. Way to sell that table spot, Shawn. And that's that. Horrible. Absolutely horrible.
Shawn beats him down some more with the chair after the match. He's got a mean look on his face. HBK heel turn? The fans are going batshit for him though. The announcers are still hyping a Jericho/Michaels feud. Really? The ladder match isn't the end of it?
They announce that Smackdown last week was the highest rated show in the history of MyNetworkTV. Well, that's really not saying much, is it? HHH vs Show for the gold on Friday. Might be cool.
Lawler in the ring announcing that Santino is going to be defending the IC Title at Cyber Sunday against a fan-picked opponent. Roddy Piper, Goldust, HONKY TONK MAN~! are your choices. Personally, I'm going for HTM. Goldust might be a better match but I'm still waiting for Dustin to come back and feud with Cody over the way he talks about Dusty.
Great Khali is here. Announcers talking about Johnny Knoxville. Is that one of the Jackass guys? Khali promo time. The crowd yelling, "WHAT?" which actually is accurate for the first time probably ever. They're showing the Knoxville clip now. So, Khali got pissed because Knoxville implied Khali's junk is small. Wow. This better be leading to a feud with Val Venis. More Khali promo. Where's a "HELLLLLLO LADIES" when you need it? Aw christ. Khali wants Knoxville to come to Raw next week. Okay... Khali is hosting the Kiss Cam. That's kinda funny. The camera showed Lilian who then got one laid on her by Khali. Man, I hope she gets paid well. First, the world's greatest love machine Viscera and now Khali.
Miz and Morrison sitting in on commentary. Awesome. Jillian singing Kurt Cobain. Not so awesome. Miz says he's losing the will to live - and cue Kelly Kelly. Kelly is looking more and more like Trish every week. Probably the goal. Cryme Time coming out too - they're going to be on commentary too. This is fantastic. Morrison yells, "I'm SORRY I have great abs!" They should let these four commentate on every match. This is the greatest segment in history. Morrison said, "Your dad is so nerdy, he wears his pants higher than HBK. Your mom is so fat, she has to borrow Mark Henry's belt extender." Morrison and Miz are owning this verbal showdown. I wonder how much of this is ad-libbed. I heard a "Vanilla Ice ain't got nothin' on me" in there too. Kelly won but the commentary saved a bowling shoe ugly match.
Batista's warming up. Yay.
Another video putting over Cena. What the hell? They've got HBK, Mickie, Batista, HHH, Maria all putting him over for going to the TV taping the same day as getting his surgery done. He must be coming back soon. This is a bit too much hype for weeks down the road.
Here comes Jericho. JBL's in. And cue the shenanigans. Regal is the guest timekeeper. Orton is a guest commentator - who actually gets a bit of a face pop when he's announced. And I hate to say it, but I think Orton's music is growing on me.
Typical guest ref booking. Jericho with slow counts for the face. Fast counts for the heel. Batista's going after the leg for some reason. Ric Flair mention for a Batista Figure Four. Orton hasn't said a word since he was asked a direct question early. Kinda cool. Regal works over Batista while Jericho "admonishes" JBL. Adamle sends in a new ref when Jericho gets bumped to the floor. Batista Bomb for the three count. Pretty solid match.
Adamle on the mic. Shane and Steph want things "shaken up." Adamle announces Jericho vs Batista for Cyber Sunday with the fans picking the guest ref. I'm guessing this is where Austin fits in. Choices are: Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, or Steve Austin. Another wasted Austin appearance, it sounds like.
Show's over. It was... okay. Nothing that I would've been bummed that I missed for sure. Oh well - it's just another manic Monday.
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