Top Five Friday: It's A Beautiful Day For A Ballgame

Top Five Friday will not be airing in it's normal time so we can bring you the Wonderful World Of Sleeping.  By the way, whoever created the 1-10 PM shift on a Friday is a cruel, evil, heartless son of a bitch who I wish a world of mysterious rashes and "that's never happened to be me before" on.

One day late, indeed, but I thought I'd bring you a taste of Thursday's Dodger game in photos.  Without further adieu...

My Top Five Favorite Photos From Thursday's Game

5.  The Manny Dreads
You've gotta love capitalism when it rears it's head.  So, not only do the Dodgers get Manny's offensive production for the rest of the season for the low, low price of free... not only do they get to soak up all the incredible publicity and marketing opportunities for the not so inexpensive cost of nothing... but they get to sell these wonderful bandana/dreadlock combos for $25 each - and yes, they were selling like crazy.  We had to resist buying them - I may not be so lucky the next time.  "For only $25, you too can spend a warm day roasting under a cheap bandana and fake hair!  SIGN ME UP!"

4.  Different Strokes To Rule The World
Okay, so I don't really know who or what this is.  We had difficulty decoding if he/she was a man/woman.  There were really no identifying signs that made us comfortable in making  a final decision.  But crazy blond hair?  Glove on your head?  Big ass sunglasses?  Oh, you're making the Top Five, sweetheart.  To top this story off, we saw him/her with a female friend after the game being "detained" by security - or at least that's how it appeared to me.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

 

 3.  Put Me In Coach - I'm Ready To Play... Todaaaay

The Dodgers have instituted this awesome new program where two hours before the game on game days, you can go onto the field in center field and shag batting practice flyballs.  The kids love it - and the "kids at heart" aren't far behind them.  We didn't get there in time for batting practice but we did get there in time to go the field and take a few photos.  This is a black and white [mostly] shot from centerfield that I thought turned out pretty groovy.  Highlight of this section of the day?  A big group of sorority girls from SC were at the game as a group.  During this period, they were screaming at all the people playing catch to toss a ball to them.  Someone finally did - and they scattered completely as the ball came smashing down in the middle of them.  Way to work it out, ladies.

 2.  A Deeper Shade Of Soul
So, our camera has this cool little feature that we get obsessed with from time to time.  You should see our San Francisco photos - lots of black and white with splashes of color.  Basically, the way it works is you can pull all the color out of your photos except for one color that you set.  So, I decided it would P-I-M-P to only feature Dodger Blue.  This is the result of that shot.  Oh, that guy in the foreground was part of a trio of fans that ended up being pretty cool that we chatted with on and off throughout the game - topics ranging from Vin Scully and throat-slitting, a discussion of my throwing arm versus Juan Pierre's, and life in Iraq and the taste of camel meat.  Yeah.  That really could be it's own post - should be, in fact.  Stay tuned for more on that!

1.  Check 'Em Out, Angel Fans
That's right, baby.  There's six of them there.  I thought I'd provide a quick count because we all know Angel fans can't count!  Ohhh!  Sick burn!  I figure if I insult the Angel fans enough here, I might get picked up by another Angel message board and send my traffic through the roof for a few days.  Angel fans suck!  Yeah!  Uhhh!  Take that!  So, I played with iPhoto to jazz this one up a bit this morning and I really liked the end result.

  Honorable Mention
We thought this guy was pretty rad considering Snoop was throwing out the opening pitch and the guy had a matching pimp hat and shirt.  He turned out to be even more rad than we ever could possibly imagine when during James Loney's homerun, the guy started doing some weird finger-pointing and fist-pumping dance that just made me wish I had video of it to share with the class.  Let's just say that some stereotypes were shattered on this day.

That's all, folks.  Hope it was worth the day delay!

I'm not a former POW but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night

I'm sure this will offend some people but I found it amusing.

Dodgers Win!

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He Steals!

Manny just "legged out" a groundball error and then stole second!

Be on the lookout for locusts and other signs of the apocalypse that I'd know if I went to Sunday School.
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Would you wear this?

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It's tiiiiiiiime for Dodger Baseball!

In a weird twist of fate, the Dodgers now play the same music to announce the starting lineup that the Missus and I used to be introduced at our wedding reception.
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Fo shizzle

Snoop Dogg just threw out the first pitch. Fo'reals tho'!

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Game on!

You've gotta love the midweek day game.

I was thinking this morning about this song they used to play before the games on the radio and I was wondering if they still do. I haven't listened to a full game on the radio in years.

With the game about a half hour away, sure enough the song started to play over the PA. If I could, I would post an mp3 but since I can't...

It's a beautiful day for a ballgame
For a ballgame today
The fans are out to get a kick in or twi
From Walla Walla Washington to Kalamazoo
It's a beautiful day for a homerun
But even a triple's okay
We're gonna cheer and boo and raise a hullabaloo
At the ballgame today

Play ball!
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The Creative Process: The Fork In The Road

As I get closer to narrowing down my choices for my next attempt at a screenplay, I've come across a quandry.  While there are still a few other contenders, I've basically narrow my choices down to two.

The first is something that came into my head in the past couple months and spent a lot of time there.  I've got a pretty good idea of what most of the major characters are like, I know the basic details of the plot, and I can play some parts of it on the "3-D IMAX of my mind."  This one would be considered "the safe choice."  I think it has quite a bit of potential and really could be a large step forward for me as a writer because it's very different than my first screenplay.

The second is something that I just had a glint of an idea for very recently.  I've spent practically no time working on it save for the past few days when it's been dominating my thoughts.  At this point, I've got a basic idea of the two characters, I have a very broad, overreaching idea of the plot without much in terms of detail, and while I can play out a few scenes in my mind, there are a lot of very large holes in the plot that I'm not sure what fills in those gaps.  This one is a genre that I have always loved and always wanted to do something in - but this one's risky.  I love the basic premise of it but I'm afraid I won't be able to flesh it out in time.  I can see a ton of potential in it and it would really challenge me as a writer because it won't be easy at all to pull it off.

So, there lies the fork in the road...

With a deadline approached, do I walk the road more traveled and knock out the one that's been dancing around my brain for a couple months?  Or do I take that more deserted path that has a lot of roadblocks on it but a more satisfying "end of the trail" moment?

Suggestions are welcome!

A little more on Kent

Just watching the Dodger pre-game show and as they were going off the air, they pointed out Kent's production increase hitting in front of Manny and then started mocking him for his "look at my career numbers" stuff. Beautiful. They also pointed out that his "career numbers" in the three hole also include his stint hitting in front of Bonds which I can't remember if I referenced but I know it was buzzing around my brain when I writing.

Kevin Kennedy also said, "Don't mess with Vinny" as Steve Lyons remarked "He's barking up the wrong tree with that one." That's what I like to hear.

I'm sure Vinny will take the high road and let it go but I'd sure love to hear him rip Kent a new one at some point. Maybe Vinny will write a book some day and all will be spilled.

Jeff Kent Is An Asshole

Once a fucking Giant...

The title pretty much says it all, no?

It's not like it's earthshattering news either. The guy has been a prick for the majority of his baseball career and got a free pass for a lot of it because it was aimed in a bigger prick's direction. I mean, how can you hate Jeff Kent compared to Barry Bonds? When Kent got into it with Milton Bradley, how could you not take his side when Bradley's a plastic bottle away from a meltdown at any moment?

But on a day when Dodger fans should be celebrating because the magnificent Greg Maddux is on his way back to town - a move I've supported for weeks, by the way - to hopefully steady a starting rotation that is hurting with Penny going back down to injury... we're having to deal with Jeff Kent running his mouth about Vin Scully.

I have little doubt that Jeff Kent greatly overestimates his value to Dodger fans but if he has any hope not to suffer the same fate as Andruw Jones, I think he might want to apologize... and in a hurry.

Vin Scully is not just a Dodger treasure - he's a baseball treasure.

Very few would say the same about Jeff Kent.

So, Mr. Kent, when Vin Scully says you're benefitting from hitting in front of Manny Ramirez, Dodger [and baseball] fans are going to believe no matter how much you throw your lifetime stats in our faces to try to prove him wrong.

I don't know if it's an ego thing or what but it's fairly obvious that you're hitting better in front of Manny than you were without him so just give him the nod of credit, suck it up, and play the game you're paid to play. And don't waste your time running down our legendary announcer trying to make yourself look better.

I've long held the belief that this team and franchise will find itself worlds better when Jeff Kent moves on - whether it's to retirement or another team. I've been hopeful it's been coming for a couple years but we haven't gotten lucky yet. Yes, it will be difficult to replace his production in another second baseman but I hold a firm belief that it will greatly improve team morale and chemistry to not have his grumpy ass polluting the air.

My stance on booing our own players is well-known so I will not be booing Jeff Kent when I [hopefully] go to the game on Thursday afternoon. I will cheer for Jeff Kent, the player, to help my team to victory.

But Jeff Kent the person?

Well... someone wise said earlier...

Jeff Kent Is An Asshole.

The Creative Process: It Begins Anew

I'm not sure if any of you would actually care about this or not but I thought it might be a fun thing to have down on "paper" to look back at after the fact. A few days ago, I did a post mentioning that I need to start writing a second screenplay here shortly. What I thought would be kinda cool is to take y'all through the step-by-step process of that - or as step-by-steppy as I can get without enlisting Patrick Duffy's aid.

"It all began with a mouse..."

That's a quote that a lot of Disney fans like to use over and over. It's a quote attributed to Walt as something he used to say to keep his employees humbled and centered - something to show them that despite the growing empire they were developing, it all started with a simple idea. One character that carried them to a level none of them ever could imagine.

In this case, it all begins with an idea.

It doesn't have to be something terribly complicated and quite frankly, it can come from pretty much anywhere. The first screenplay I wrote can credit it's "creative spark" from a song I heard, listened to the lyrics, and decided it'd make a hell of a story on the big screen. The first sitcom I ever tried to pen was based on an experience that my brother-in-law had at work.

It all begins with an idea.

So, that's the stage I find myself in right now. Over the years, I've start-stopped a lot of novels, teleplays, screenplay, comic book ideas in some sort of scribbled shorthand. I dug through an old notebook the other night and uncovered a lot of them. Some of them I just had filed away mentally, adding a few "notes" to the file from time to time. But all of them had some kind of development done to them - however minor.

From there, I took 16 ideas and put them down on paper - a working title if I had one along with a short description of the plot/theme. If I had originally conceived it as something other than a screenplay, I noted that as well. 16 ideas - all incredibly solid in my oh-so-humble opinion and all completely worthy of making print/press/publish/etc.

At this point, I turn to my partner-in-crime, Mrs. Blue. She was my sole editor for the first script so this time, I involved her a little earlier. She got all 16 ideas in their written form and I told her to narrow it down to eight that deserve stronger consideration.

We're down to the Elite Eight. It's a diverse list - ranging from sci-fi to fantasy to western to an almost 80's style action flick. All of them have some serious potential. Now comes the time to narrow the list down a little bit more.

We're making progress, people - one step at a time.

I recently helped a customer at the store a couple weeks ago who, in the course of smalltalk, revealed that he was a screenwriter. After probing a bit to try and find out more details (he clammed up,) I mentioned I had just finished my first screenplay. His words of wisdom?

"Congratulations. That's the tough part. Everyone in the world can start one."

Amen, brother. Amen.

And this "everyone" is one step closer to starting his second.

Stay tuned, folks, it only gets more interesting from here.

Summerslam

This one is by "popular" demand.

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of Summerslam, the WWE's end-of-summer extravaganza. It is arguably their 2nd biggest PPV of the year and almost always has moments and matches that fans will remember for quite some time to come.

With that in mind, a hastily put together barrage of matches and moments I recall...

Top Five Friday: There's Something Wrong With The Kids In My Neighborhood

I was working on something else for Top Five Friday when this popped to mind. So, the other thing may have to wait for a Top Five Sunday or some suchness. I suppose I could have held this one back until next week but some stuff just needs to be said.

First off, much props to NOFX for the title of this post - I think they'd be pleased with the words I'm about to spew forth.

A few months ago when the Missus and I were at the Kate Nash concert, we saw some things that... well, really just kinda annoyed us. But the more we discussed it in the days to follow, I noticed a trend following fans of the music industry that seemed a little more than annoying - I think it seriously threatens the musical world as we know it! [how's that for melodrama?]

With that in mind...

The Top Five Things Music Fans Do That Concern Me

5. "NO TICKET!"
One of the first things we noticed at the Kate Nash show was the amount of kids [yes, I suppose they're kids to me now - I feel old] clutching sheets of paper in their hands instead of actual tickets. What the fuck's up with that? Ticketmaster has been offering this TicketFast shit for a while now, I guess, but I've never used it. I want a god damn ticket. And if that makes me cruel to the environment, well, fuck that noise. Do you know how depressed those kids are going to be in ten years when they're going through shit while cleaning the house and not finding ticket stubs to remind them of the shows they went to in the past? I LOVE my ticket stubs! How else would I remember that I saw Reel Big Fish at the Hollywood Palladium in 1998 and then recall that we left before RBF actually took the stage? Those old faded ticket stubs are like boosts of ginkogaloba to make me remember shit. These kids with their sheets of paper will never remember anything. Fuck them.

4. Cellphones - Fucking Cellphones
Don't get me wrong. If you've got an iPhone, you rock. You may not deserve it and I may ponder what would happen if I kicked your ass behind the dumpster and stole it from you - but you rock for owning it. But when you don't rock is when you clutch your iPhone in your sweaty hand and snap pictures the entire night long with the 2 Megapixel camera. Do you really think that shot is going to turn out? And even if it does, are your friends going to swoon when you show them your blurry, pixelated shot of the flavor of the week? And what about you fuckers who decide it's a good idea to text ALL NIGHT LONG?! Hey, it's cool if you want to do it during intermission. Occasionally, I find it okay to do it too. And while it's completely disrespectful to do it during a band, if it's a shitty band [fuck you Modest Mouse!], you have my permission too. But during the band you came to see? Seriously? What could you possibly have to say that's so important at that point? "omg! they r so TOTALLY playing that that's me in the corner song!! its so 80s! lawl!" Do us all a favor and wait. And yes, I could write an entire post on those fuckers who do this in the movie theater too.

3. Mid-Show Conversations
If it's superloud and no one can hear you, go for it. But if it's during a slow song or it's a small venue, I really couldn't give a shit if Billy give you the crabs or not so don't bother to tell your friend next to you - since EVERYONE ELSE CAN HEAR IT TOO! You paid good money [maybe your parents but... well, that's another story] to see the band perform so fucking watch them perform. Apparently you like this band for some reason so show them a little respect.

2. God, I Feel Old
Kids go to shows. I get that. The music industry, for the most part, is aimed at the kids who have lots of [their parents'] disposable income to pour down a rathole on shitty music they'll be embarrassed to own at some point - New Kids Christmas album, I'm lookin' right at you. But that's okay. Your youth is the time period when you're allowed to like music you shouldn't like. It's when it's okay to have a drawerful of cassette singles like Snap, Dino, and Pebbles. But keep that shit in a drawer. Kids are going to shows at far too young of an age these days. That means that someday you'll have to openly admit that your first show was at age 9 seeing the Jonas Brothers. You want to know how that feels? Go ask the people whose first show was Hanson. See, my first show wasn't until I was 16 or 17 which means I get to tell people my first show was Stone Temple Pilots. My second show was Metallica. My third show was Live and Weezer. Fourth was Aerosmith. Sensing a trend? I've got nothing to hide in shame over. But all these kids going to shows will someday live to regret it when they have to recite a list of one hit wonders for their first shows.

And the #1 problem facing music fans today...

1. What's An Album?
The death of the album in modern music is a tragic thing. I'm as guilty of this as anyone but can anyone really recall the last full album they knew from front to back and everywhere in between? Remember the good ol' days with Ten and Nevermind where you knew every nook and cranny of that album? Remember when you even knew the really bad gimmick songs like "Bugs" that PJ would slip onto an album? Now everyone only knows songs - and worse, a lot of people don't even call them "songs" anymore. Now they're "tracks." And they probably have been tracks for a long time but dammit, that needs to change. I'm going to bite my lip until it bleeds the next time I catch myself call it a track. But back on point, the death of the album is a horrible thing. While it's great to have the option to buy songs individually, it's led to a world where no one knows an album anymore. It was bad enough when CDs came out and people would say shit like, "Oh, I really like Track 5" but it just gets worse with time. That's why I've been on this crazy kick for a while now to buy a record player, fill our shelves with vinyl, and re-live the glory days of music. So many bands are putting stuff out on vinyl again, I think it could be a renaissance of music for me personally. Just sitting with headphones on listening to an entire album - yeah, I can dig it. I wonder if they still do that radio show "The Seventh Day" where they would play a bunch of albums all the way through. God, that shit was great. We've gone from a world of b-sides and "deep cuts" to whatever is in the Top 10 on iTunes. Things need to change.

Anyways... my soapbox is worn out. Until next time...

Bridge School Benefit

Ahhh, the time of year is drawing near for the wild Bridge School Benefit rumors to start flowing.

For those of you not familiar with it, the Bridge School Benefit is an annual benefit show that Neil Young and his wife Pegi put on at the Shoreline Ampitheatre. The Bridge School is a special needs school that assists children with severe physical impairments and complex communication needs [thanks Wiki!] The shows have been going on for about 20 years now with one year being skipped for a reason I didn't bother to track down.


It's a very special show as Neil Young pulls out all the stops in bringing the best lineup to town that he can and traditionally - but not always - the bands all perform acoustic which can create some very interesting scenarios. Over the years, the show has seen bands like R.E.M., Springsteen, the Pumpkins, the Chilis, and many, many others perform.

Mrs. Blue and I went to the 2006 edition which had a lineup of Devendra Banhart, Gillian Welch, Death Cab For Cutie, Trent Reznor (yep, acoustic), Foo Fighters, Brian Wilson, Pearl Jam, the Dave Matthews Band, and of course, Neil Young himself. It was an amazingly diverse show with such memorable moments as Reznor stealing the show with acoustic versions of many NIN songs, the Foo Fighters absolutely rocking the crowd (especially on their "cover" of Nirvana's "Marigold,") Brian Wilson tearing the house down by sailing through all the Beach Boys songs no one expected him to do, and well, of course there's Pearl Jam who never disappoints. Tradition has Neil invite everyone back onstage at the end of the show for a group singalong that had Eddie and the boys join him for "Rockin' In The Free World." Even the shitty performance of DMB couldn't drag that show down.

We decided that we wanted to attend this year so I've been keeping an eye out for rumors of who would be performing this year - or if there would even be a show at all (no dates have been announced yet but I can't imagine the show not going on.)

Here's the "word on the street" so far:

Neil Young - of course. And honestly, I enjoyed his set a lot more in '06 than I thought I was. Despite the fact that it was late and freezing, the man knows how to put on a show still.

Pearl Jam - seems to be some debate on this. A band member told some people earlier in the year that they were definitely playing Bridge School this year but told some other fans a couple weeks ago that they definitely weren't. The plot thickens!

Wilco - just a rumor right now but that'd be a lot of fun as I was telling the Missus last weekend that I would like to see Wilco in concert

ZZ Top - this is one of those bands that you wouldn't expect on the bill but would make perfect sense. Apparently they're opening for the Foos on Oct 26th in SoCal so it would be possible... and I wonder if that makes the Foos rumored as well.

Other bands in California in the last couple weeks of October that might make sense:
Santana - playing Shoreline on 10/11
Randy Newman - in SF the weekend of the 10/17, has a new album
Conor Oberest - in SF the weekend of 10/24, has a new album
The Kooks - in SF on 10/25
Tina Turner - has both poss. weekends open and in California/Arizona area

So, there's a start of some more rumors for ya!

Anyways, assuming the show happens, anyone within range of car/bus/train/plane should make an effort to see it at least once because it's a fun time and a lot different than most festival-type shows you could attend.

Screenplay: Take Two

Curse those little details.

As the submission deadline grew near last week for my screenplay, Mrs. Blue was assisting in getting the submission materials together and pointed out one tiny little detail that I had happened to miss in the several months leading up to this.

Apparently if I'm declared a finalist in the competition, I have to submit a second "sample of work" - also known as a second screenplay.

Say it with me now.

"Oh fuck."

Now, sure the odds are slim that I'll be declared a finalist and thus are slim that I will need a second screenplay completed by December. But... well, as I always seem to say on here...

You've gotta believe.

I have a handful of ideas on what to do next so I expect to narrow that down over the next couple weeks and get down to it.

Stay tuned for more details as this story develops - no pun intended!

Superman Returns... Again

Earlier today, I posted an article on the sidebar with three major comic book writers talking about how they would "reboot" the Superman movie franchise. It's been a topic under a lot of discussion lately as it was comic writer Mark Millar who implied that he had been asked for his pitch by the studios. Until then, it was all but assumed that JJ Abrams would helm any possible next Superman movie with Brandon Routh resuming the role.

Now? All bets seem to be off.

It's interesting because something about Superman Returns always bugged me a bit. There were elements of it that I liked a lot and some that I didn't care for too much but all in all, I thought it was a decent attempt. Superman is a tough character to write for in any medium so it's tough to have high expectations for it, I think - somewhat similar to Hulk in that respect.

I can still remember the debut of footage from the movie at Comic-Con in 2005. The footage was cut together so beautifully. When the John Williams score started up and the Brando voice was heard, the place went nuts. So nuts in fact that they had to show the footage a couple of more times before all was said and done. It was the perfect example of a director showing up at Comic-Con and saying the right things and showing the right cut of footage to whip people into a frenzy.

Unfortunately, the end product fell a little flat. And as I was reading the article, Mark Waid hit the nail on the head finally as to what bothered me the most about it.

If you’re making the movie in a vacuum, and there will be no other Superman movies ever again, go ahead and give him a son. But otherwise, that’s a staggeringly awful idea. What are you going to do next? Either the kid has to be a part of his life, or get superpowers, which no one wants to see

Exactly! And it's not just the kid that missed the mark. As I thought about it more and more throughout the day, more and more things about the movie bothered me.

-- One sequence with Ma Kent. Her son was gone for years and that's all we get?

-- Lois is married with a kid? Yeah, everyone REALLY wants Superman to be a homewrecker. The kid thing is just wrong. It was the number one thing that bugged me about it when I left the theater.

-- The "death" of Superman. This essentially killed off any chance of doing the Doomsday story which has the potential to be an awesome piece of work if the franchise can get back on its feet.

So, there's those among others.

In the end, I think Waid nailed it. If it's made in a vacuum, it becomes a better movie. But as the relaunch point for a new franchise, it falls flat.

Now the question becomes will Warner Bros have the cajones to admit it and let someone pull a Batman Begins/Incredible Hulk "reboot" on it.

We shall see.

Quick Baseball Notes

Just a few quick thoughts before I head off to sleep...

-- D-Backs Land Dunn
Obviously this is Arizona's response to the Manny deal - looking for a power boost to carry them through August/September.  I don't know if it'll work or not.  Dunn is very much a feast or famine hitter.  He'll hit a lot of home runs but he'll have a lot of rally-killing Ks as well.  It's interesting though because a lot of experts were projecting Dunn as the hot free agent next winter - the guy that all the teams might target instead of big money deals for Tex or Manny.  This'll give the D-Backs a bit of an inside track if they're aiming to keep him.

-- Manny To Yanks?
In typical East Coast biased reporting fashion, almost none of the news outlets picked up on Manny's (possibly temporary) desire to retire as a Dodger.  Instead, all we've seen is rabid speculation about the Yankees signing him to spite the Sox.  With Manny being Manny, who knows if he'll really feel the same way about the Dodgers in three days, let alone three months - but it'd be nice to see the "journalists" at the big sports sites at least acknowledge the possibility.

-- Lucchino to Dodgers?
I found this one interesting.  Reports of Larry Lucchino butting heads with Theo Epstein are in the air again and this time, instead of Theo's resignation/re-hiring, it looks like it might be Larry leaving town.  Speculation says he might end up in LA to serve as the team president.  Personally, despite McCourt's obsession with all things Sox, I don't really see it.  The Dodgers have enough trouble keeping the front office in order - why add another layer of red tape to it?

-- No Sale
Apparently Nolan Ryan wants to buy the Rangers from Tom Hicks but has been shut out so far - isn't it ironic, don'tchathink?  I'd like to see this happen.  Hicks has forever earned the ire of baseball fans for giving out the original A-Rod contract that threw the sport's finances for a loop.  Not to mention the deal he gave Chan Ho Park. 

-- Another Win, Another Day Of Mediocrity
The Dodgers knocked off the Phillies tonight - after nearly suffering another bullpen collapse.  I'm not sure what's up with the Dodgers' pen but it's a weakness they can't afford going into the home stretch.  They should have taken first place over the weekend and instead find themselves still a game out.  The end of the schedule is growing near so the time to "flip the switch" is now.

In Memory...

This post should have gone up yesterday but I just never found the time to do it right so I waited.

Yesterday, August 9th, marked the two year anniversary of the day my friend Danny died. I tried to read the post I wrote that day a few days ago, knowing the anniversary was approaching, and I still couldn't do it. I'm not sure I've actually ever re-read it, to be honest, because it's just too painful for me.

I use the word "died" as opposed to "passed away." I'm not a fan of that term. It's too gentle, too easy. Death is not a gentle and easy thing. Even for those who died peacefully or even those deaths you've "been expecting" for a long time, the actual end is not gentle and easy for those left behind. It's a jarring and brutal experience to have someone you care about torn from your life. It's probably a selfish way to look at it - but there it is.

I still have difficulty believing that he's gone. It still just doesn't seem real sometimes. As a non-religious person, you often hear people preaching that everything is part of "His plan." That's fine to believe that but I've still had no one explain to me what this divine plan is that involved taking my friend. If there's a reason for it, I'd love for someone to clue me in.

I try not to feel guilty anymore about our friendship. I wasn't always the best friend. He wasn't either. We both had our issues with one another that often had us go weeks or months without exchanging so much as an e-mail - nothing serious, just differences in personalities. But when we did get together, it always felt like just another day. At any given moment, you could expect a phone call with "an extra ticket" to some show - it seemed like Danny always had an extra ticket for something. In fact, the last conversation we had before he got sick involved him trying to get me to go see Pearl Jam with him and ditch out on the tickets I already had with someone else - that sounds mean, I know, but to his friends, it would almost be expected. It's just the way he was - one of those little personality quirks that put us on opposite pages at times.

I often wonder how people who have lost several friends early in their lives manage to wrap their heads around it. I find one to be overwhelming and can't imagine it when people tell me how they've lost several.

I said it once before on this blog that it's the little things that make me think of him and get angry "for him." I can still remember our friend Phil's bachelor party and Danny and I being geeky sitting outside a strip club discussing the Harry Potter book that had just come out. When the final book came out, I felt resentful that Danny would never get the chance to know how the story ended. It's the little things like when I saw Pearl Jam in '06 - just a few months after he died and I got teary-eyed during their set knowing how much he would have loved to be there. Danny was my fellow geek in comicdom - so I sit here loving this summer of comic book movies with a tinge of sadness because I can imagine just how much he would have loved Iron Man and the Dark Knight - not to mention how excited he would have been about the Star Wars movie coming out this week.

I guess over time that kind of thing fades but for now, I treasure it. I love getting e-mails about all the latest Star Wars collectibles coming out and smiling, thinking about how Danny would have immediately ordered it. I can still remember so vividly getting the text message from him that he was in the hospital sick with leukemia. Our first conversation after that had him obsessing about how he was going to miss Comic-Con and he needed someone to pick up his pre-ordered crap there. I was in shock that he was sick and stunned that that was the first thing on his mind. But again, that was just the way he was.

I still have trouble processing how it happened. He was in such good spirits when I last saw him in the hospital. He seemed like he was getting out of the hospital soon - his family certainly seemed to think so. He was so excited about the Star Wars convention coming to Los Angeles in '07. He was wanting to plan a poker night right away. And he kept laughing at me because with the "germ mask" (what the hell is that thing called?) on my face, he said I was breathing like Darth Vader and I kept fogging up my glasses. I was so surprised to hear he had taken a turn for the worse and words can't do justice the way I felt days later - although I imagine my blog posts over that period might shine a little light on it.

So many things have happened that he had to miss. Brian's wedding. My wedding. So many little get-togethers that he would have loved. I guess our circle of friends is somehow closer now - maybe it takes something like that to make that happen. It shouldn't - but sometimes I guess it does.

I'm rambling, I know. But this time, I think you'll excuse me for it.

One last thing...

I'm fairly sure I said this before on this blog but it's worth saying again. That last visit in the hospital had one moment that I doubt will ever leave my mind. Memories fade and all that jazz but I think this one'll stick. It was during a bit of a lull in the conversation when he said out of nowhere - "I hope if nothing else what I'm going through really makes you guys live your lives." I didn't think much of it at the time but I've thought a lot about it since then. I've often wondered if he knew he was in worse shape than he was letting on - it seems like such an odd thing for him to say. Danny was never one for that kind of talk but in this case, he was right. It's far too easy in this world to let life pass you by because you always think you'll have tomorrow.

But for some of us, tomorrow never comes.

Kind of a downer way to end this, I know, so let's pick a different finish.

Wherever you are, buddy, I hope you somehow know that we're trying - we're all trying to live up to what you hoped we'd learn.

And we still miss you, old friend.

More from the movies

When did JC Penny's start selling Nirvana shirts? Courtney Love should be dragged through the streets by rabid wolves before being beaten by Kurt's graveside.
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