The G.I. Joe Producer Speaks... INVISIBLE!

A new interview with G.I. Joe movie producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura hit the Interweb today. Let's see if he can soothe some of the butt hurt Joe fans out there... yours truly included.

Here are the highlights:

** When asked about the difference between producing Transformers and G.I. Joe -
"They’re completely different. I mean, to me I don’t look at them as toy properties... I look at them as mythologies. So, G.I. Joe is a really, really in depth mythology... The characters involved and intertwined nature and G.I. Joe it’s very funny how everybody’s very intertwined. It’s very different than in a lot of the comic book mythologies I’ve run into. The lines between good and evil are drawn differently. I think the Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes, it’s a great thing and is Storm Shadow evil? Well, some people think so. I don’t. Is Snake-eyes also righteous in this? I’m not so sure, he’s blaming his buddy for something he may or may not have done, you know, so it’s that interesting duality where the characters live in a world that’s good guys and bad guys but it’s also a gray area."

REACTION: Not a bad answer. He's done some homework at least. And I _really_ hope this means that the Snakes/Stormy/Hard Master storyline will be explored to some extent as the chief conflict between the two.

** When asked the very obvious question on a lot of fans' minds about having too many characters to introduce and flesh out -
"Well, it’s a hard question to answer. We think we’re going to deliver on all the characters. We think the script actually delivers really well and sets up each character. You’re going to understand the back-stories of virtually every major character and then you’re going to understand the roles of the ones you don’t. You may not know everything you know if you’ve read the comic book but you’re going to recognize them if you’ve read the comic book and you’re certainly going to want to know more about them by the end of it which is part of the tease. And there’s some character info that will be new to the comic fans."

REACTION: I don't buy it. There's just no friggin' way to cover that many characters unless they're breaking the two hour mark for the movie by a LOT of screen time. I'm glad they recognize this could be a problem but I just don't think there's a legitimate way to resolve it without a lot of these appearances being just cameos... which I'm fine with to some degree.

** On the level of violence and the rating and target demo and such -
"You know for us, we think the people who grew up with the comic book and the animated show are going to be our core audience. We think that the older audience that identifies with the pre-83 Joe is going to have some education to go through but are going to relate to the title because the values of it are the same. The storytelling is different but if you think about the values, they’re very similar, you know? Integrity, honesty, bravery, courage, you know things like that that I think you just associate with both versions of G.I. Joe. It’s an all audience movie. I mean, there are 2 really strong romances. There are a lot of things in there that’s going to appeal to people. It’s going to be PG-13. Look I’ve been involved with a lot of R-rated movies and a lot of PG-13. You just sort of begin to understand the difference and Stephen Sommers has no intention of making an R-rated movie and it would be silly to do so because you should appeal down to kids."

REACTION: This is all well and good. No one expect G.I. Joe to be like the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan, I don't think. It's a war story but largely, it's a comic book war story. I have no issue with this being PG-13. I am curious about the two romances though. It had better be Snakes/Scarlett and Baroness/Destro but I have an itchy suspicion we're going to get hosed on one of those for some romance that didn't exist in the comics or TV show.

** To address the photos of everyone in black leather -
"I would say each character has more than one outfit, by in large, other than of course Snake Eyes, but everybody else has multiple looks. I think our costume designer’s phenomenal and she’s just done a great job in delivering a very varied look. You know, Snake Eyes is a character in black so he would be in black and you know we looked through all the comic books and The Baroness and unless we’re missing something she’s always in black. Every character in the movie is not in black all the way through including - other than Snake Eyes - who has to be in black all the way through. So, you know, there’s multiple looks that for each of those characters that you’ll see them in different color schemes and in different attitudes I’d say."

REACTION: Good answer! If this is true, this eases my mind a bit. Although I really wish the interviewer would have asked about the god-awful Storm Shadow costume. I'm still hoping that's the costume he wears when he goes to a high school dance and slashes some U.S. government official's daughter's throat with a sword. Tell me that scene wouldn't rock your boat!

** When asked to compare the tone of the movie to the comics or TV show -
"That’s an interesting question. I guess it’s definitely a comic book movie and it’s definitely has a great sense of humor, so there’s a lot of humor and a lot of drama and a lot of action. I would say there’s an equal measure of all 3 of those things in the movie."

REACTION: That raises a bit of a red flag to me. The animated show had a ton of humor, for sure, but that's one of the reasons most people didn't like it as well as the comics. If they try to go too funny with this, it'll fall flat and hard.

** THE PIT!
"We built a couple of the levels of The Pit as Stephen has imagined it and Ed Verreaux, our designer, is really gigantic so you couldn’t really build all of it, but so some of it. But we built a full floor of it which is gigantic. I think everybody’s going to be really happy that we took The Pit very seriously and built it to fulfill anybody’s sense of fantasy of what it could be."

REACTION: Surprisingly, I really couldn't give a damn about what The Pit looks like. It's not like X-Men's Danger Room where it's an iconic part of the mythology and has to be done perfectly or people will be up in arms. I mean, I'm sure there are some people that will shit themselves if The Pit doesn't match the diagram that was in one of the old Marvel annuals but I'm not one of them.

** More on Snakes vs Stormy

"We’re really exploring the mythology and we hope that the mythology, if we’re lucky enough to get to a 2^nd film, we want to continue to explore the mythology of the two characters. It’s very rich and this movie explores a lot about how they met at first and how they fell apart. And yes we have shot a fight between the 2 of them and we hope that everybody’s going to agree with us that it’s going to be one of those great battles."

REACTION: Allow me a moment to give a warning that you, Mr. Bonaventura, will never read. If you fuck up this one part of the story, Snakes and Stormy, G.I. Joe fans will never forgive you. It's the one thing you can not afford to blow. You can probably get by with invisible Scarlett... you can probably get by with Destro wearing the mask because of injury... you can probably even get by with metrosexual Hawk... but if you FUBAR Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow's part of the story, you will never recover from it.

And that's that. I probably should've saved this post for tomorrow so I wouldn't have to think of a new topic but... eh, this is what I do for you! This is what I do!

And now you know...

...and knowing is half the battle.

They'll Fight For Freedom Wherever There's Trouble... Invisible Apparently

I tried, guys... you know I tried.

This morning before I start the arduous task of painting our kitchen, I wanted to find some good news about the G.I. Joe movie to share. I feel like I've been in the harbinger of sorrow for that flick for weeks now and it really is/was a movie that I was greatly looking forward to. There had to be some info out there somewhere to make me enthused, right?

Not so much as it turns out.

A site called Firstshowing.net posted their This Is Why You Should Be Excited About the G.I. Joe Movie based off of details from the latest script review. Let's see if I agree.

*** Accelerator Suits - These allow the G.I. Joe squad to "run faster, jump super-high, smash through walls, and shrug off bullets."

Huh? Why, exactly? Did I miss that special edition of G.I. Joe issue #100 where they all became Universal Soldiers with Van Damme and Bill Goldberg? This does not excite me. The Joes were average people with extraordinary abilities. They were not bit by radioactive spiders.

*** Nano-Bombs - A bomb that Cobra Commander is developing that launches a swarm of nanites that eat all non-organic material in the surrounding area including buildings and machinery but none of the people.

I guess this could be kinda cool. It'll be a visually cool scene at least, I'd imagine.

*** Neo-Vipers - A legion of ninja-like super-soldiers that are controlled by Destro that have been enhanced by nanotechnology to not feel any pain or remorse. They were created by a "mad scientist" known as the Doctor. Check out some photos of the old Neo-Viper figures here.

Sigh. Boy, they really like the nano technology stuff, I guess. If the "Doctor" is Dr. Mindbender or Dr. Venom, I lend my tentative support to this plan. Carry on.

*** Destro's Mask - Also created by the same Doctor is a mask made of nanites that Destro wears because his face is disfigured after a fight. This gives Cobra the ability to control his mind.

Boy, they _really_ like the nano technology stuff. I'm SO not enthused by this one. What was wrong with Destro being an international arms dealer who wears the mask out of family tradition because he has a warped sense of honor? Is that really such a difficult character to wrap your brain around? And mind control? Crikey, if you're gonna do mind control - I've got two words for ya - DR. VENOM AND THE FRIGGIN' BRAIN WAVE SCANNER! That might be more than two words.

*** Scarlett's Armor - You've already seen the photo, but apparently that armor allows her to become completely invisible for her missions, or so they say…

Sigh. This is a good thing? Really? I hope on August 9th, 2009, I can eat my words but right now Larry Hama looks like the biggest sell-out ever, brought in to feed the fans lines of crap about how the true fans will enjoy this movie while taking his check to the bank every week and knowing damn well the fans are going to shit a solid gold brick when they see Scarlett turn invisible to fight NANO NINJAS!