Blue's Reviews: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

SCREENPLAY PAGE COUNT: 53
Yes, it's still at 53 but it's a solid 53 and I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the next step. It should increase in the next couple of days.

But until then...

The reason I waited so long to write a review of the new Indiana Jones movie is that it'a hard one to review without some pretty major spoilers involved so I wanted to give everyone a decent amount of time to see it. I'm going to attempt to keep major spoilers out of it but I make no promises.

With that in mind, some spoiler space to give you room to flee the scene.





If you're still with me, I'm assuming you've seen the movie or just don't give a damn about what you know about it going in.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull [or IJATKOTCS - for "short" going forward] is definitely an Indiana Jones movie in every sense of the word. What do I mean by that? If you look back at the Indiana Jones movie in retrospect, they follow a pretty standard formula.

1. Indy has minor unrelated - but sorta related - adventure to start the movie. This one actually started with something more related to the main plot than any of the others so far - something that caught me a little offguard but was surprisingly effective.

2. Indy finds out about major item he must pursue. This is the scene from Raiders when the government approaches him or in TOD when the tribe tells the story of the stones. Usually, this scene consists of Indy not really wanting to pursue the item in question but ultimately he has some kind of major personal entanglement that draws him into it - be it Abner Ravenwood, the kid dying in his arms in Temple, the news about his father in Last Crusade, or an old friend gone missing in this one.

3. Indy is skeptical about the "power" of the item he's chasing. This always happens. He mocks the Ark, he makes fun of the "magic rocks", he belittles his father chasing the Holy Grail. This is no different in Crystal Skull.

4. Indy starts to believe as he draws closer.

5. The power of the item and Indy's ultimate belief in it saves the day.

Crystal Skull follows the formula to a tee - and therefore, is definitely an Indiana Jones flick in every way.

There were definite fears that people had coming into this movie
-- Harrison Ford is too old? FALSE! Indy looked fantastic and Ford played him with the perfect mix of self-deprecating realization of his age and the swagger that Indy carries with him.
-- Shia will tank it. FALSE! Having watched this before I watched Transformers, I was actually surprised at how well the kid pulled off being in this big of a movie. He's there but never overbearingly so. He has little quirks and charms about him that make you laugh. Would I pay to see him star in his own Indy movie? I'd give him a shot at it, sure.
-- Lucas will kill it. FALSE! This fear comes from those who run around screaming that George raped their childhood - fuck those guys. With the exception of a couple scenes that looked like George having fun with his CGI toys, I didn't see anything that struck me as George going crazy.

Did the movie have its faults? Sure. There are a couple of cringe-worthy moments that I wish hadn't been put in there - but there are far, far more charming Indy moments that fit in perfectly.

Where the majority of fans will draw the line on whether they love or hate this movie is on the central plot... and here's where the big spoilers kick in...

The central plot of this story involves alien life.

Got that?

Flying saucers, hive minds, collective thought, psychic reading and projections, the full nine. The Crystal Skull in question is an actual alien skull that must be returned to a Mayan temple [or was it Aztec?] that aliens actually came down to help build.

Still with me?

Does that sound like a movie you would want to see?

Honestly, if I'm writing it, it's probably not the direction I go. But I had no issue with the subject matter. I had no problem with the central plot being about alien life on Earth. I'm a sci-fi geek - why would that possibly bother me?

But it will bother some people - I recognize that.

In fact, this is the key sticking point in the discussion [let's call it a "discussion " to be civil] with the wife over this movie. You see, she's one of the people who didn't like it and didn't like it for this exact reason. She couldn't buy into the alien aspect of it. She found it silly and not realistic.

I argued that, depending on your point of view, it's no less realistic than the word of God ripping the flesh off people in Raiders or someone living forever by chugging out of the Grail - but that's a whole other debate.

Three Things I Didn't Like:
1. The Tarzan scene - Shia swinging from the vines like a monkey [and leading a monkey army no less] was definitely cringe worthy and really should have been cut from the movie.
2. Indy/Marion - I would have liked to see a little more of them together in a non-action movie scene. There was a story that needed to be explored a little bit more there that got shoved aside. I understand that you don't want a huge love story chat in mid-action movie but...
3. The alien plot - I know, I know. I didn't love it - wouldn't have been the direction I would have gone. I thought it was fine and didn't have a problem with the realism or any of that stuff. My issue was more with it didn't live up to the quality of the central plot in the other three.

Three Things I Did:
1. Indy/Marion - while I would have liked to see more of it, there's something very magical about those two characters on screen together. Indy's one liner about all the women "not being her" was enough to make the whole movie worth seeing [for a diehard anyways.]
2. The standard crazy Indy action. Chases through the jungle. Killer ants. Atomic bombs going off. It's over-the-top crazy action but still damn fun after all these years.
3. The music. I swear, they could set 120 minutes of those monkeys throwing shit at Indy and if they set it to John Williams' music, it'd be all good in my book.

Well, this was quite the disjointed review.

But in the end, I really wanted to love this movie - and while it may not be up there in my head with the others, I think it's definitely a worthy part of the series.

If you like the other Indy movies and if you can get past the alien stuff in your head, go check it out for sure.