Forrest wins! Forrest wins! Forrest wins!

Placeholder beat the clock post
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Top Five Friday: A Patriotic Edition

Ahhh... the 4th of July. The day where Americans gather together with families and friends to celebrate the birth of our nation and the freedoms we enjoy living in the greatest country in the world - as flawed as it may be.

Freedoms, you know?

Like... the freedom to use fireworks in areas where you're not supposed to use fireworks, threatening to start a massive fire because pretty lights make you happy.

Or perhaps the freedom to gorge ourselves on either badly under or overcooked hamburgers and hot dogs to the point of having our stomachs rupture, flooding the world with a sea of partially digested scorched animal flesh.

Here's a good one. The freedom to cheer on our favorite baseball team to victory despite their horrific record while playing in the worst [and most embarrassing] division in the league.

You've gotta love freedom. And you've gotta love America!

No, seriously, you do.

If you don't love America, the terrorists win, dammmit!

In honor of America, I proudly present...

The Top Five Songs Featuring The Word "America" Or "USA" In The Title In My ITunes Library

Honorable Mention: Neil Diamond's "America" - the sole reason it makes this list and probably the sole reason it doesn't make the Top 5 as well is some very vivid memories of a teacher in 4th or 5th grade trying to get us to perform this song at a school program with some fucked up arm gestures to "act out" the song. It was so bad, there was basically a class-wide mutiny which resulted in us getting to play our parents in a softball game instead. Good times.

5. American Girl - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
This is actually one of my favorite songs but it takes the bottom spot because it's more about the girl than America which was really the point of this whole exercise. It was also featured in Silence Of The Lambs when the Senator's daughter is singing along just before she gets grabbed. I'm not sure if that makes the song cooler or just creepy - you make the call!

4. Living In America - James Brown
The Godfather of Soul outdid himself in his comeback hit that was used as Apollo Creed's entrance music in Rocky IV. Of course - SPOILER ALERT! - Apollo got his melon smashed by Drago just moments later and died in Rocky's arms. But it was still a cool scene and an amazing song. Just all the crazy pomp and circumstance surrounding Apollo's entrance with James Brown himself made that death worthwhile. Besides, Drago got his in the end - JUST LIKE ALL EVIL COMMIE RUSSIANS DO! "And if I can change... and you can change... everybody can change!" Rocky Balboa making the world safer... one evil nation at a time.

3. America - Simon & Garfunkel
I'm not really sure what this song is about actually. Either I'm not deep enough or I've never been stoned enough, not sure. But I do know that the girly from She & Him in Almost Famous used it to explain why she was running away from home. Made sense to me. The song really soothes me actually. I like listening to it in the mornings usually - weekend mornings are even better. It's one of those, "Yeah, this world is cool" songs. Okay, now I sound like I've been stoned enough.

2. Real American - Rick Derringer
Hey! Fuck you! I know you're laughing at me for picking Hulk Hogan's theme song as one of my favorite songs with "America" in the title but come on... seriously... for someone who grew up in the midst of Hulkamania running wild, there was no song that made you feel more patriotic than "Real American." When the Hulkster was squaring off against some big, nasty foe from Russian or Iran or... France... and that music starting pumping and that big, vitamin-takin' genetic beast stormed out in the red and yellow with the American flag waving behind him, you knew America was about to get some payback, daddy!


1. Born In The USA - Bruce Springsteen
I really hate using this as #1 since it's not really a positive song about the United States but... well, I love it. It's funny because the song gets used by so many people trying to sell it as being patriotic [including the aforementioned Hogan before using "Real American"] but it's really a song about a young kid who gets drafted and sent off to fight in Vietnam and the shoddy way he's treated when he comes back home. All flowers, sunshine, and rainbows, huh?

And that's that. Enjoy your holiday, folks!

Holy Frakkin' Shit

Just finished Season 3 of Galactica.

Oh. My. God.

Man, that show knows how to do a cliffhanger right. Good grief. I can't believe I have to wait until... man, I don't even know what I have to wait until to see the next part of it. It just finished on TV so DVDs won't be out for... gah, I can't even think about it.

I have Entourage Season 4 sitting on my computer now but I'm having some DVD burner issues and really hate to watch stuff on the computer if I can avoid it.

Next up? Looks like it's going to be Prison Break.

RAMPAGE

I don't feel like writing so... in honor of this weekend's UFC show, one of my favorite MMA KOs from one of Saturday's PPV main eventers.

Times They Are A-Changin'

Four years ago, I went with some friends to Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's One Year Anniversary show called The Reason For The Season. One of the big draws on the show was local superstar Super Dragon's first one on one matchup with a rapidly rising East Coast indy superstar. Everyone was quite excited to see the match between these two and the feeling in the building was quite electric. Myself, a huge Super Dragon fan, decided to give the East Coast invader a little grief during the match by shouting out, "DRAGON'S GONNA FUCK YOU UP!" loud enough that it could be heard in the ring. A few moments later, the East Coaster had Dragon cornered, slapping him around and screaming, "FUCK ME UP, DRAGON! FUCK ME UP!" while glaring in my direction. Awesome. Fan interaction at its finest and one of the reasons I love indy wrestling shows.



Just short of four years later, that East Coast invader walked into Monday Night Raw in Baltimore last night with a briefcase in hand...



...and walked out as the World Heavyweight Champion.

It's always fun to see someone become the top of their profession, especially someone you've been watching and rooting for for a long, long time. So, when I look at the two top promotions in the wrestling industry and see two wrestlers who I've followed for years from the very bottom of the foodchain when they were wrestling in front of a hundred people in a little gym carrying the respective World Titles for their companies, it puts a smile on my face.

Congrats, CM Punk.

Shaken Not Stirred

Last week during training for my new job, one of the trainers and I were discussing 24 and the subject came up that he and his colleagues often debate the question - James Bond or Jack Bauer.

He went with the argument that Bauer was better because Bond is actually ordering a weak martini when he orders the "shaken not stirred" drink. I, of course, pointed out that President Bartlett made the same statement during an episode of West Wing back in the day which made the trainer scurry about to try to figure out what episode it was in.

I also said Bauer - but my argument was far simpler. He cut off a criminal's head and carried it around in a duffel bag for christ's sake. Not to mention that he bit out a terrorist's jugular.

Annnnyways... he may not be as cool as Jack Bauer but Bond is making a comeback. Check out the new trailer for his next flick, The Quantum Of Solace . Watch it while you can because I'm guessing it'll be gone soon.

What A Wonderful World

I work with interesting people.

Most people can't say that, I don't think. Most places I've worked, the people were quite drab... or at least, they played that role very well so that people thought they were "normal."

Here? There's very few that are "normal" - and they're quite proud of that fact. And why shouldn't they be? All corporations these days like to hold up "diversity" as a badge of honor while showing photos of carefully selected employees to represent all the ethnic colors of the rainbow. Odds are, they're probably not even real employees.

Side note - one of my former places of employ once decided that they wanted to put a photo up on the company website to put a human face on the voices that people got when they phoned into our call center. They ended up selecting a rep who was absolutely terrible at her job, had horrific attendance, and was generally someone to be held up as a "what not to do" example. Instead, they plastered her smiling face on the website because they though it would soften our image to have a smiling young lady's photo up. What a wonderfully fucked up world we live in.

Back to the matter at hand...

The next time your company tells you how diverse they are, take a look around you and see if they're full of shit. It's fairly easy to tell - but it'll give you a chuckle nonetheless.

Now the place I work? They can claim diversity with a straight face.

Got tattoos running up and down your arms and neck where everyone can see them? We want you.

Metal appendages hanging from lips, nose, eyebrows, ears, chin, etc? You're right up our alley.

Not white? You'll fit right in.

Not straight? Yep, you too.

Those are just skin-deep examples of diversity though.

Let's keep it real, yo. I work with a Ninja.

I'll give you a sec to let that sink in.

Yep, I work with a Ninja. A legitimate, actual Ninja. Someone who went to China, slept on floors in a dojo, and went through the full training requirements to be declared a legit Ninja.

One more time...

I work with someone who could theoretically put on their resume - Professional Ninja.

You want more?

I work with someone who ate a hissing cockroach to get to the front of the line at an amusement park.

More?

I work with someone whose life goal is to move to China and teach English to kids.

More?

Creativity is in the air - writers, film makers, artists, photographers, musicians. Everyone's got a dream they're chasing.

More?

They like to call me Optimus. Don't ask.

More?

Midgets. 'nuff said.

Ahhhh... midgets, freaks, and ninja, oh my.

I really do hate people - I do... but sometimes, just sometimes... I love the world we live in.