UFC Picks

Here goes nothing...

Just for review:
Picks Average For The Year: .500 (9 out of 18)
Money For The Year: +$57

Date: Feb. 2, 2008
Location: Las Vegas, Nev.
Venue: Mandalay Bay Events Center
Broadcast: Pay-Per-View

PRELIMINARY CARD
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Rob Emerson vs. Keita Nakamura
Odds: Nakamura -265, Emerson +205
Emerson carries a record of 6-6. He was riding a four win streak until the bizarre No Contest with Gray Maynard last June. 9 of his 12 career fights have gone the distance so don't look for a big KO in this one. Nakamura is 14-2-2 on his career. He's coming off a first round KO win but had two decision losses in the UFC before that. Maybe it's a cage thing?
PICK: Nakamura by decision
BET: No bet

Tim Boetsch VS. David Heath
Odds: Boetsch +210, Heath -270
Boetsch is 6-1 coming off his only career loss [a decision.] This is his UFC debut. Heath is 7-2 on his career and he's coming off the only two losses... one to Babalu and one to Lyoto... not bad.
PICK: Heath by RNC in Rd 2
BET: No bet

Marvin Eastman vs. Terry Martin
Odds: Eastman +160, Martin -200
Eastman is 14-7-1 and at 37 is on the downside of his career. He's the guy who got brought in and fed to Rampage in Quinton's UFC debut. That was his first UFC fight in years so it's obvious what his role is in the UFC's eyes. Martin is 16-3 coming off a loss to Chris Leben in that crazy Leben last minute KO a few months back. This is a match designed to get Martin back on track as he was on a bit of a roll before the Leben fight.
PICK: Martin by TKO in Rd 2
BET: No bet

Kyle Bradley vs. Chris Lytle
Odds: Lytle -600, Bradley +400
Wowsers. Steep odds there. That might be worth an upset bet. Lytle is 24-15-5 and is probably best known for losing to Serra in the TUF Finale and then taking Hughes to the limit. He does have a win over Pete Spratt on his resume but as my friend Poff and I were discussing last month, I think I might be able to take Pete Spratt. Bradley is 13-4 in his UFC debut... nothing much of note on his record. This is going to be one of those "pick one guy to win, bet on the other."
PICK: Lytle by triangle in Rd 1
BET: Kyle Bradley - $30 to win $120

Tyson Griffin vs. Gleison Tibau
Odds: Griffin -450, Tibau +300
More steep odds. Griffin is 10-1 and has been on a tear through UFC. Most of his fights have been going to decision but he's been putting on some of the most exciting fights which makes the UFC happy. Tibau is 15-4 on a four fight win streak. I think this might be closer than the odds would show.
PICK: Griffin by decision
BET: Gleison Tibau - $30 to win $90


MAIN SHOW
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Jeremy Horn vs. Nate Marquardt
Odds: Horn +185, Marquardt -225
Horn owns one of the craziest records I've ever seen at 79-16-5... good grief. But he really hasn't had a win of note since David Loiseau in 2004. Marquardt is 25-7-2 and was on a six fight win streak until Anderson Silva cut that shit short back in July.
PICK: Marquardt by decision
BET: No bet

Ricardo Almeida vs. Rob Yundt
Odds: None
Almeida has a career record of 8-2 but hasn't had a fight since 2004. Yundt is 6-0 making his UFC debut. Jeez, no wonder they're not taking action on this one.
PICK: Yundt by TKO in Rd 1
BET: No bet

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Tim Sylvia (for interim heavyweight title)
Odds: Nogueira -165, Sylvia +135
Sad, sad, sad. Nogueira vs Couture would have rocked my fuckin' socks but instead, the MMA cockroach Tim Sylvia survives to be in another title match again. Minotauro is 30-4-1 with wins over some of the best in the MMA game [Barnett, Werdum, Cro Cop, and a ton more.] He won his UFC debut over Herring but it wasn't a dominating performance. Maybe the Pride Curse? Maybe the cage? Who knows. Sylvia is 24-3 with some of the most boring [but effective] fights ever. He's the eternally hated heavyweight champ/challenger and I can very easily imagine him using his reach to keep Nogueira off the mat, clinching whenever Minotauro gets close, and just doing enough to stall out a decision win. I really, really, really hope Nogueira can finish Sylvia and I'm sure the UFC does as well. But how can you not imagine Sylvia winning the belt and wearing it everywhere forever? I'm gonna split my pick again.
PICK: Nogueira by submission in Rd 3
BET: Sylvia $20 to win $27 but I feel fuckin' dirty doing it.

Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir
Odds: Lesnar -150, Mir +120
The rumor is that the oddsmakers put Lesnar as the favorite because they figured that's where the money was going to come in anyways, not because they think he'll win. Lesnar is 1-0 in MMA with an impressive win over a unimpressive opponent. We know he can wrestle, we know he's strong as a fuckin' beast, and we know he weighed in at 265... the upper limit for heavyweights. Big motherfucker. Mir is still riding the comeback trail and this is his chance to get right back in line for that title shot. In fact, if Mir pulls off a win here, I bet he gets the next title match. If Brock does... not as sure. Mir is 10-3 in his career but really hasn't been the same since the accident. He's a dangerous opponent for Brock though. Brock's All Access was impressive with his workout but I didn't see him working on his jiu-jitsu like he told us he was. If he's not prepared on the ground, he's gonna be in trouble. My heart doesn't know who to pick here either. Part of me wants to see Brock lose for a lot of reasons. He walked out on the company that made him so he could go play football and when he failed at that, he went to get a paycheck to pro wrestle in Japan... then bailed on them [with their title belt] to sit at home to hold out for more money... _then_ he went to MMA. So don't buy their bullshit that he left the WWE for "real competition." This is a moneygrab and he went to the last option he had left after the WWE turned him down when he wanted to come back. Part of me wants to see Brock win just to see the MMA snobs eat their own asses that a pro wrestler came in and handed a former champ his ass. And I still have that dream of Cro Cop kicking his fucking skull off in Japan [although I hear they're talking of doing a UFC show in Croatia which would have to main event the Pro Wrestler Hunter-Killer.] Sigh. What to do.

PICK: Brock Lesnar by decision [don't think he'll have the tools in place to finish him but he's strong enough to pull a Sylvia against the fence and hold him down on the ground]
BET: Mir [$20 to win $24]

Check back on Monday for the results.

OHHHH LAKER FANS!!!

Just heard the rumor that apparently this Gasol deal is going down. Kwame/Javaris/picks for Pau friggin' Gasol.

That's amazing. Incredible. Awe-inspiring.

We haven't won anything yet but that's a hell of a big step to take towards that.

Mitch should win an award instantly and for Laker fans around the world, it's time to start drinking to celebrate!

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

I will be doing my UFC picks for tomorrow night's PPV later tonight or tomorrow but right now, there are a handful of topics I wanted to drop a few quick thoughts on.

NEWS: Lost is back and the beginning of the end started last night.
THOUGHTS: After a lonnnnnnnng wait, we have seen the last of the final 48 episodes and may I say... Ho. Lee. Shit. This show, admittedly, has had some rough spots in its' history but last night may have been one of the greatest season premieres of any show ever. When it's all said and done, I think we will look back on Lost as one of the greatest series of all time and one that we should feel honored that we got to see in our lifetimes. Now if only the congloms would give the writers' a fair deal and send them back to work!

NEWS: John Edwards, Rudy Giuliani drop out of the race
THOUGHTS: I don't usually post much on politics as that's not really something I want to drone on and on about on this blog buuuuut... I liked Edwards. I don't know if I liked him enough to vote for him in the California primary next week but I liked him. I thought he had a good message, a good heart, and I believed he truly did care about the working class of this country. Rudy? Well, maybe he can talk about 9/11 in his next job interview and see if it puts him over the others.

NEWS: UFC goes negative
THOUGHTS: On the Countdown show for UFC this week, they took the approach to hyping the Lesnar/Mir match that I knew was coming but was hoping they'd avoid. As a lifelong pro wrestling fan, hearing one of my favorite forms of sports and entertainment derided for an hour as being fake is not exactly my idea of fun. But to see the utter audacity of Dana White in using pro wrestling shows to hype his PPV... by openly admitting he's hoping to draw in pro wrestling fans... and then to spend an hour trashing that business? It's disrespectful and low-class.

NEWS: Pau Gasol on the market
THOUGHTS: Buzz on the street is that the Grizz are looking to shed contracts as they're hoping to sell the team in the near future. Their hope is that a buyer will be more intrigued by a team with little salary commitments in the future. Further buzz speculates that if they decide to go this route, they might be willing to part with Gasol for Kwame Brown, Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic, and Coby Karl. Pardon me? Did I hear that right? Mitch, make sure it's Pau Gasol we're getting and not trading for Marc Gasol who we already have. In the words of Laker fans everywhere, DO IT MITCH!

NEWS: American Idol goes soft
THOUGHTS: Typically, I watch a few of the audition shows and then bail out but this year, they've managed to keep me through the whole process. The main reason is obviously the writers' strike. There's nothing else to fucking watch so I've been roped into things like Celebrity Apprentice [did you see that fucking show last night? Awesome!], Pros vs Joes, Rock of Love, and I even caught an episode of Celebrity Rehab. Back on topic, as someone who has watched Idol for several years now, it strikes me as very noticeable this year that they seem to be going softer on the shitty tryouts. Simon has yet to quip about needing a bigger stage when someone fat... and I mean Orca fat... walks into the room and he's had plenty of chances. He hasn't bashed a mentally ill child this year... already a plus over last year. Do you think they finally heard the criticism over their treatment on these shows? Amazing. If they really want to punish the bad auditioners though, they should shove them in a room to listen to the new Paula Abdul song. I love me some Paula but dear god, where is MC Skat Kat when you need him?

NEWS: Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the night that The Radicals [Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and He Who Shall Not Be Named] made their WWE debut
THOUGHTS: Man, that seems like an eternity ago. I was so happy that night as some of my favorite in-ring performers had jumped to my company of choice. I remember my mind going nuts with all the possible matchups we were going to see. Of course, it was all pissed away in mere days as the Radicals went heel but eventually we got memorable moments from all four men. Unfortunately, two of them provided memorable moments that we wish we could forget... and I'm not talking about Moppy or the Dean/Lita angle.

Get the gators ready!

With American Gladiators on the air once more [and am I the only one who finds it hard to watch?], the question must be asked...

Whatever happened to Rollergames?

I mean... seriously... Rollergames and the original American Gladiators came on the air at roughly the same time. What makes AmGlads [my new shorty for it!] so damn special?

Rollergames had it all. It had some crazy figure 8 track with a banked wall that got you more points if you skated higher up it. It had a jump that got your more points if you jumped further. It had the awesome owners cutting promos on each other. It had hot girls in spandex. Come on! It was perfect!

And if that wasn't enough, anyone remember Lita Ford performing at half time? Or Warrant? Rollergames these days could have like... Lita Ford... or Warrant performing on it because everyone knows you wouldn't want jackasses like My Chemical Romance or the like on there.

I still remember the premiere of Rollergames when the hype started coming towards the end of the game. It was a close game and they kept teasing that if a tie happened, they would have to go to sudden death. But this was no normal sudden death period... SOMEONE MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE! You see, if they dared to end regulation tied, they would have to "GET THE GATORS READY! WE'RE GOING TO SUDDEN DEATH OVERTIME!"

Do you get that? They took live alligators and threw them in this pit on the side of the track. Whoever got shoved in the pit first lost... a limb potentially.

The perfect idea for all sports! Hockey? Screw the shootout. Get the gators ready! That tennis match that went on forever recently? A gator gnawing on Federer's ass would have popped the ratings for sure.

With AmGlads a major disappointment for a fan of the original, I'm calling for it now. The writer's strike is still on. You still need programming. Put Nannies Swapping Partners on hold and bring back Rollergames!

And don't forget the gators.

Mixtape Of The Month!

Oh yeah, baby!

Due to absolutely no demand at all, the Mixtape Of The Month returns! Longtime readers of this blog remember that I used to do a monthly mixtape with an explanation of why I chose the songs in question.

It's back... and it's back with a vengeance!

Enjoy the mixtape for January.


Are Ya Havin' A Laugh?

The title is inspired by the catchphrase for the main character on Extras' show-within-a-show. Make sense? I don't fucking care.

1. The New Year - Death Cab For Cutie
I couldn't not have Death Cab on here and since it's a New Year... well, duh. I really have no other reason for this song to be on here other than it sounds fucking amazing the two times I've heard it live. You should all be swearing by Death Cab even if you can't stand how often they get played on the radio now. One of the only reasons I'd drag my ass out to Coachella this year.

2. Ole! - Bouncing Souls
This is a great, fun song. I don't see how anyone can listen to this song and not smile instantly. Not your traditional punk/ska stuff but it rocks your socks. It's also the theme song for indy wrestling megastar El Generico.

3. Rooftops - Lost Prophets
I originally bought this song because they played it on the most recent Jeff Hardy highlight video but it's actually a pretty catchy tune. I've been very prone to getting it stuck in my head recently. Give it a listen, I think you'll dig it.

4. World Over - Edna's Goldfish
An acquaintance got me into Edna's Goldfish about eight years ago right in the middle of my punk/ska phase. I really dug the band but at some point several years ago, I deleted most of their mp3s from the computer to save space. I stumbled back upon them recently and rediscovered how awesome they are. Check it out.

5. Care Of Cell 44 - The Zombies
This one comes to us thank to Michael Cera's Celebrity Playlist on iTunes. How can you not like Michael Cera? Have you seen Juno? Have you even watched Arrested Development? It's George Michael Bluth, dammit! Go listen to this because it's fucking great just like Michael Cera.

6. Rich Girls - The Virgins
I think we determined that this song came from this year's TV guilty pleasure, Gossip Girl. I've picked up far worse songs than this from GG though so be happy it's this one. I still find the job of Music Supervisor to be incredible and I wish I could figure out how the hell you get that job because I think I'd rock at that.

7. A Bitchslap - Sebastian Bach
Thanks to the wonders of iTunes, I recently discovered that Sebastian Bach actually has a new album out. Coincidentally, I was at a Guns And Roses show with Skid Row opening in late 2006. When Bach came out to perform with GNR, he mentioned that he thought he had just signed a record deal... and apparently he had. This track actually features Axl on backing vocals which makes it even cooler. Close your eyes and drink a lot... you could imagine this actually as a GNR song.

8. Let's Duet - John C. Reilly & Angela Correa
Anyone who didn't see Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story is missing out. A truly great parody of flicks like Walk The Line and Ray, it succeeds where dreck like Meet The Spartans fails and falls on it's pathetic ass. It was tough to pick which track from the soundtrack I wanted to use so I picked the one that I first heard at Comic-Con last year that made me think this might be a fun flick. Go watch the movie, buy the soundtrack... YOU DON'T WANT NONE OF THIS SHIT, DEWEY!

9. Accidents Can Happen - Sixx A.M.
If you check out the side of the blog, you can see what books I've read this year. The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx was an amazing read and gave tremendous insight into the life of a rock star/drug addict. I found out before I had read the book that Nikki Sixx had created a soundtrack for the book with his new band. This is one track off that soundtrack. It's a shame that the bands of today can't truly rock and we have to resort to seeing what Nikki Sixx and Sebastian Bach are doing these days.

10. I Was Made For You - Rivers Cuomo
Usually discs of B-Sides and demos are pretty soft... there's a reason they are B-Sides and Demos after all. But the new album by Rivers Cuomo of Weezer fame may have permanently changed my tune on this. This song is awesome... the album sounds great from what I've heard... beautiful stuff. Oh, and check out the Eels demo/b-side album too.

11. Believe - The Bravery
I don't know where I got this, I don't know why, I don't even really care for the band that much. But.. uh... I like it. So try it.

12. Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
One of the other reasons I'd drag my ass out to Coachella. One of the best shows I've ever seen featured Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins... which is also Rilo Kiley in case you're looking for relevance. I found this song by... well, looking for more songs by Rilo Kiley that I'd like. This one fits that bill. If you're not listening to Jenny Lewis, you're a sad, sad panda.

13. Umbrella - Marie Digby
Longtime readers know my passion for interesting covers. So, when you take a wildly popular pop song... mix it up a bit... and give a different take that makes it sound actually soulful, I'm in like Flynn. Game on, baby!

14. Dreamgirls - Dreamgirls Sdtck
Yeah, yeah, yeah... let your mocking begin. What can I say? I'm a sucker for musicals... both screen and stage. As a lover of music, I'm fascinated by the ability to tell a full two to three hour story solely through song. Amazing. I didn't really care for Dreamgirls the first time I saw it even though I found the music to be catchy. But I've watched it a few times this month on HBO and I've developed a new appreciation for it. I chose the title track for this mixtape just because!

15. Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, Pt. 1 - The Flaming Lips
I can never decide if I really like the Flaming Lips. There are songs of theirs that I adore and no, it's not "She Don't Use Jelly" but there are songs that I can't stand to hear. Kinda like Sonic Youth. This is one of those I stumbled upon recently while putting this tape together that I just found a certain kind of magic in that I couldn't bear to part with.

16. Birds And Bees - Ben Lee
Oh. My. God. Is there anyone who works harder at being hot as Mandy Moore? Come on, she had that performance in American Dreamz [which kinda sucked but is oddly a movie I can't usually turn off when it's on], she did a stint on Scrubs, and now she's doing duets with Ben Lee? Laaaaaawd have mercy.

17. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
It was on a commercial before Christmas... I can't remember which one. Catchy little ditty that's almost worked itself out my head so I thought I'd include it before it falls on the "I really don't want to hear this anymore" list.

18. That's How You Know - Amy Adams
From the Enchanted sdtck... yeah, well... fuck you too.

19. Du Og Meg - Of Montreal
Can't remember where I found it or why... but enjoy!

20. This Woman's Work - Kate Bush
Absolutely haunting tune from Kate Bush that made it's way onto the Extras series finale that I just got to watch finally. Was an absolutely amazing scene. The song is depressing as shit but so was the finale. The song still stays strong in my head though.

21. Rise - Eddie Vedder
Or should I say Golden Globe winner Eddie Vedder? This soundtrack smokes all too. I'm on a soundtrack kick lately and I still need to pick up the Sweeney Todd and Juno soundtracks in the near future. You should own the Into The Wild soundtrack... seriously... go buy it... NOW!

22. Now That We're Done - Metro Station
No idea. But it's awesome and a very different song than I usually listen to.

23. Lookin' Out My Back Door - Credence Clearwater Revival
I've been watching Lebowski quite a bit lately and the scene where he almost lights his cock ablaze features this song with him providing rhythm section on the roof of his car. Awesome. It gets stuck in my head everytime I see the scene so there you go.

24. Tea For The Tillerman - Cat Stevens
The end credits song for Extras. I've loved this song since the first time I heard it but just never did anything about it. Finally figured out what it was and picked it up. It seemed fitting to end the first mixtape of the year with the song that wrapped up every episode of Extras.

Booking The Rumble

I couldn't get the Rumble out of my head last night after my picks post. So, I decided I'd write up a little bit of fantasy booking for the 2008 Royal Rumble. This'll probably get pretty lengthy so bear with me...

Show opens with the traditional hype piece putting over the Rumble and all the people who've gone on to win the World Title at Mania after winning the Rumble.

Pyro and ballyhoo!

MVP vs Flair kicks off the show. It's a sprint with a lot of near falls by MVP before a ref bump. Matt Hardy runs in, Twist of Fate, Flair gets the pin to avoid having to retire in about 12 minutes.

Backstage bit with Jeff and Matt Hardy. Matt tells Jeff to take the title from Orton for him and reminds him that he gets the first shot. Jeff promises to "take it to the extreme" to win the gold. Edge walks in on the brothers and makes a few negative comments before excusing himself for his title match.

Smackdown Title Match - Edge vs Rey Misterio Jr.
This should be a great match. The story of the match should be Edge using the Edgeheads to his advantage and Rey Jr. fighting a numbers game. Vickie should also be at ringside. At a key point about 3/4 through the match, Rey should go for a big dive onto the Edgeheads... who spill into Vickie, taking her out too. The Edgeheads take Vickie to the locker room, leaving it one on one. Lots of Rey Jr. nearfalls culminate in a ducked 619 turned into a schoolboy with the feet on the ropes for an old school heel victory in about 19 minutes.

Backstage piece with Vince in Flair's locker room. Flair looks exhausted. Vince congratulates him on his win over MVP but informs him that he's signed another Career Threatening match for him for tomorrow night on Raw... against a mystery opponent. "So, I hope you're feeling up to it after tonight. Cause you see, there's still a few spots left in the Rumble... and one of them is yours. But don't worry. Your career's not on the line in the Rumble... just what's left of your body."

Backstage piece with people drawing numbers. Santino makes Maria pick for him and seems happy with his pick. Holly and Rhodes make their picks and Holly slaps him hard on the chest with a "See you out there, partner." Chuck Palumbo makes his pick, Noble charges in and jumps him. Total brawl in the picking room knocking over the number holder as we cut back to ringside.

JBL/Jericho hype piece.

Chris Jericho vs JBL
Super elaborate JBL entrance. Total brawl from the get-go. All over the place. The ref "uses discretion" to let it go. JBL gets the camera cable to "hang" Jericho again but Chris fights back, gets the cable, and gets the DQ when he won't let go of JBL. Jericho has to be dragged off of JBL to end the match in about 11 minutes.

Backstage piece with Vince screaming at the GMs about being unable to control their talent. Points out the Palumbo/Noble brawl and what just happened with Jericho as evidence. He's ranting and raving... Triple H enters. Triple H makes his pick and smirks... insulting Vince as he leaves. HBK enters, rinse and repeat. Ron Simmons makes his pick as does Foley and Batista, both who take verbal shots at Vince before the leave which gets us a "DAMN!" before we go back to the ring.

Raw Title Match - Randy Orton vs Jeff Hardy
One of the most eagerly anticipated title matches in a long time should live up to the hype. We should see Orton dominate the majority of the match after a missed high-risk move. But Jeff should just keep kicking out. RKO... foot on the ropes. Head kick avoided for a rollup, etc. In the end, Jeff should hit the Twist of Fate, hit the Swanton, but Randy pops a shoulder out just in time. Jeff goes to the floor, pulls out a ladder. JR/King question the legality of a ladder being used if he doesn't hit Orton with it. Jeff leaps off the ladder for a Swanton, comes up empty. Randy throws an arm over him to barely escape with the World Title. I really want Jeff to win but I'll sacrifice it for what's to come. [SIDE NOTE: I'd have Orton declare on Raw the next night that Jeff Hardy is a menace to society and that he will never receive another World Title shot at Orton. This should lead nicely to Hardy continuing his hot streak and being the obvious top challenger but having to win Money In The Bank to get his title shot (which he would of course)]

Backstage, Vince is giving Hornswoggle a "peptalk" when Finlay enters. Finlay reminds Vince of their deal - Vince flips his shit. Khali comes to make his pick, leaves. Henry/BDV come to make their pick, Hornswoggle hides behind Finlay. Vince says it's going to be an interesting night. Finlay/Hornswoggle leave. Regal rushes in to tell Vince that "he's here... Triple H doesn't stand a chance now." Vince gets the big grin and says, "It's going to be a VERY interesting night."

RUMBLE!

Fink goes over the rules, both feet touch the floor, over the top, etc. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! And the man who drew #1...

#1 - Bob Holly
JR/Tazz are the announcers for it. JR puts over how tough Holly is and if anyone could go "coast to coast", it would be him. Tazz points out that people have won it from the #1 spot before.

#2 - Cody Rhodes
Cody looks exciting but a little nervous as Holly starts pacing the ring. The tag champs square off and Cody offers a handshake as the bell rings... only to get chopped down to the mat. Holly beats down Cody for a bit but Cody fires back. They trade near eliminations as the countdown starts.

#3 - The Miz
Miz walks right into a beatdown from the Raw tag champs. No offense at all from the Miz but he manages to avoid being eliminated as the countdown starts.

In The Ring: Holly, Rhodes, Miz

#4 - John Morrison
JR questions the wisdom of the slo-mo entrance when his tag partner is about to be eliminated. Morrison eventually reaches the ring and helps the Miz. A nice little squareoff between the two tag champs is a stalemate as the countdown starts up. Tazz speculates that someone will tip the balance here.

In The Ring: Holly, Rhodes, Miz, Morrison

#5 - Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer races in and true to "Every man for himself" take a shot at each of the four men in there. JR questions the wisdom of that strategy. Tommy working over the Miz in the corner as Rhodes/Holly works on Morrison, trying to push him out.

In The Ring: Holly, Rhodes, Miz, Morrison, Dreamer

#6 - Kane
The Big Red Machine hits the ring, immediately throws out Tommy and The Miz. Holly follows shortly after. Cody/Morrison working together to try and toss Kane as the countdown starts.

In The Ring: Rhodes, Morrison, Kane

#7 - Mark Henry
Henry joins the fray, tossing Rhodes/Morrison aside to beat down Kane. The two big men beat the hell out of each other as Morrison bumps all over the place making Cody look like a king.

In The Ring: Rhodes, Morrison, Kane, Henry

#8 - Big Daddy V
BDV makes an immediate impact, tossing both Rhodes and Morrison to the floor. Henry/BDV working over Kane with big power moves.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV

#9 - Ron Simmons
Simmons gets a brief power rally, even hitting the spinebuster on Henry but gets leveled from behind by BDV, gets an elbow dropped on him and tossed to the floor. Big splash on Kane as the time ticks down.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV

#10 - The Undertaker
Crowd goes apeshit for Taker as he hits the ring, working on both Henry and BDV. Kane eventually rallies to his feet and the Brothers of Destruction tee off on Striker's boys.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker

#11 - Snitzky
Snitzky joins in on the side of Striker's boys, helping work over Kane and Taker.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker, Snitzky

#12 - Ric Flair
Flair walks into the lion's den with so many big bodies in the ring. JR talks about how Flair went the hour in the past but Tazz points out how long ago it was. Flair looks weary already but he goes immediately into action with chops on any open chest. Gets caught by a big boot from Snitzky to cut off the offense as time ticks down.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker, Snitzky, Flair

#13 - Sgt. Slaughter
Slaughter gets a huge pop as he slowly makes his way to the ring, immediately hitting offense on the heels. Hooking the Cobra Clutch on Snitzky... Flair tosses them both from behind. Turns around to a goozle from Taker... Flair drops to a knee and low blows Taker.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker, Flair

#14 - Mr. Kennedy
Kennedy takes a shot at anyone standing, totally disregarding any potential allies. Suddenly, he finds himself ganged up on by all five. Kane chokeslams, Henry powerslams, BDV drops an elbow, Flair drops a knee. Taker picks up for the Tombstone as the countdown starts.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy

#15 - MVP
MVP sprints to the ring and goes after Flair. Everyone pairs off for a while with Henry/BDV trying to push Kane over the top.

In The Ring: Kane, Henry, BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy, MVP

#16 - CM Punk
Punk goes after MVP, saving Flair, some offense on MVP and Kennedy but gets caught from behind by BDV as Taker saves Kane. Taker/Kane double-up on Henry, throwing him from the ring with a double chokeslammish move.

In The Ring: Kane, BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk

#17 - Shawn Michaels
Michaels tears into action, hitting SCM on Kane to eliminate him. Hits one on MVP to knock him over the top but he skins the cat to get back in. Kennedy clips him from behind, beating him down. As the countdown starts, Taker and Punk are working on BDV, Kennedy's working over HBK, MVP and Flair are going at it.

In The Ring: BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, HBK

#18 - Finlay
Finlay enters the ring as a house of fire, saving Flair and sending MVP out to the floor. He helps Taker/Punk with BDV as the countdown starts.

In The Ring: BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy, CM Punk, HBK, Finlay

#19 - Great Khali
Khali levels people with the big chop until he's standing all alone. He tries to toss HBK but Punk and Flair help. Taker and BDV working each other over again. Kennedy tries to help Khali but gets thrown aside for his help.

In The Ring: BDV, Taker, Flair, Kennedy, CM Punk, HBK, Finlay, Khali

#20 - Triple H
HHH is in a fury as he hits the ring, immediately drills everyone in the ring save HBK and Flair. HBK grabs a wobbly Kennedy and hurls him over the ropes to the floor. Triple H and Khali going at it as the countdown goes.

In The Ring: BDV, Taker, Flair, CM Punk, HBK, Finlay, Khali, HHH

#21 - Carlito
Carlito struts down the aisle, steps in, gets popped by HHH and goes back out for a super quick elimination. HBK hits a SCM on Khali to knock him back against the ropes. He sets for another one but Kennedy reaches back in, drags him over the top to eliminate. Kennedy beats down HBK very badly on the floor, smashing his knee with the steel steps repeatedly. HBK is stretchered out. HHH/Taker toss BDV and then square off. They're about to go at it when Khali hooks the vice grip on HHH from behind.

In The Ring: Taker, Flair, CM Punk, Finlay, Khali, HHH

#22 - Shelton Benjamin
Shelton struts down the aisle, springboards for a fancy entry, gets caught on the shoulders of Punk who delivers the Go To Sleep that sends Shelton back over the ropes to the floor. Flair low blows Khalit to break the vice grip. Finlay and Khali square off. Taker and Punk square off in a striking battle. Taker gets the best of it and has Punk near elimination when two masked guys [Edgeheads] hit the ring and toss both Taker/Punk over the ropes, eliminating both of them. Flair/Finlay/HHH trying to take out Khali.

In The Ring: Flair, Finlay, Khali, HHH

#23 - Chuck Palumbo
Palumbo tries to help eliminate Khali, Khali shoves them all off. Khali almost tosses Flair but he manages to stay on the apron. Khali battering Flair on the apron, trying to knock him to the floor. HHH makes the save.

In The Ring: Flair, Finlay, Khali, HHH, Palumbo

#24 - Mick Foley
Foley hits the ring as the house of fire, taking down everyone... and getting the head chop from Khali to lay him out. Khali standing tall alone in the middle of the ring.

In The Ring: Flair, Finlay, Khali, HHH, Palumbo, Foley

#25 - Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle takes his sweet time getting down the aisle as Khali is the only one standing. Eventually, Khali's translator charges out and hurls the midget into the ring. Khali towers over him, grabs him in the double choke. Foley and Finlay with a double low blow on Khali. They work over the big man... trying to eliminate with double clotheslines.

In The Ring: Flair, Finlay, Khali, HHH, Palumbo, Foley, Hornswoggle

#26 - Jamie Noble
Noble hits the ring, eliminates Palumbo, then eliminates himself chasing after Palumbo. Regal and Vince make their way down to the ring, "cheering on Hornswoggle" as he gets the chance to kick Khali a few times. Finlay goes for a running clothesline on Khali, Regal pulls down the ropes to eliminate him. Hornswoggle looks scared to death as Finlay/Regal brawl to the back.

In The Ring: Flair, Khali, HHH, Foley, Hornswoggle

#27 - Umaga
Umaga hits the ring and destroys everyone but a dazed Khali and Hornswoggle. Moving in on Hornswoggle, Khali moves in as well. The two meet in the middle with Hornswoggle cowering between them... and actually end up brawling over who gets to beat up Hornswoggle. Vince loses his shit outside the ring.

In The Ring: Flair, Khali, HHH, Foley, Hornswoggle, Umaga

#28 - Batista
JR talks about what a good position Batista is coming in at. With Umaga and Khali brawling by the ropes, Batista somehow manages to upend them both over the ropes for the double elimination. Foley and Hornswoggle are laughing at Khali and Umaga... Umaga storms back in, hits Foley with the Samoan Drop and Samoan Spikes him over the ropes to the floor for an elimination.

In The Ring: Flair, HHH, Hornswoggle, Batista

#29 - Big Show
Big Show is announced by Vince as his "guarantee" that HHH won't be in the main event of Wrestlemania. Show hits the chokeslam on HHH... hits one on Flair... hits one on Batista... Vince screams for him to grab Hornswoggle. He hooks Hornswoggle... biiiiiiig chokeslam. Dumps him over the ropes like trash. Vince is ecstatic, mocking his son... then screaming for Show to finish off HHH as well. Show picks up HHH and sets for another chokeslam... Flair with a crawling low blow to save HHH.

In The Ring: Flair, HHH, Batista, Show

#30 - Santino Marella
Santino is cocky as fuck as he strolls the aisle, slides in, and starts stomping Flair. HHH/Batista doubleteaming the Show. Santino picks up Flair... and gets poked in the eyes before being tossed to the floor. HHH/Batista/Flair working on the Show... Evolution trying to toss the Big Show.

Orton makes his way out on the stage... as does Edge and Chavo, waiting to see who will be the Rumble winner. Taker attacks Edge on the stage, Punk goes after Chavo, chasing them both off. A battered Jeff Hardy staggers out on the stage, Orton backpedals down the aisle. Taker/Edge brawling at ringside. Batista gets distracted, screaming at them both, Flair tosses him over. Batista pulls Flair out, busts open his head on the ringpost. Flair barely moving on the floor, soaked with blood. JR says he hasn't been eliminated but he can't get back in the ring.

Show/HHH working each other over. Show hooks for the chokeslam... HHH goes low, hooks for the Pedigree... gets backdropped over the top to the floor. HHH eliminated! Show's music plays, Vince celebrating in the ring with him but a bloodied Flair rolls back in, chops down Vince. Chops on the Show, backing him down... Show hooks for a chokeslam... HHH rolls back in, sledge hammer to the back of the head. Flair pulls down the top rope and heaves...

FLAIR WINS THE RUMBLE!

A bloodied Flair celebrates with HHH in the ring as Vince fumes over his unconscious "guarantee" and we fade to black with JR screaming, "RIC FLAIR IS GOING TO THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA AND FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE NIGHT, HE _IS_ THE MAN!"

Fade out.