First pic from the GI Joe set

Just ran across this and thought you all might be interested.

This is the first pic of Sienna Miller as the Baroness - well, I'd guess not _quite_ as the Baroness.

Doesn't show us much but if it makes you feel better, I read an interview with her earlier in the week where she described that she's been working hard learning to shoot with live ammo and "running around in tight, thigh-high leather boots." Now _that's_ the Baroness.



And this... is Duke.

...

He kinda looks like John Cena. Maybe Cena should've played Duke if that's what they wanted.

Top Five Friday

On a gloomy Friday morning with Encore Love Stories doin' a brotha a solid and showing High Fidelity, one of my favorite movies, I decided to pay a little tribute to the flick by doing a Top 5... which was actually something I was thinking of making a regular Friday feature on here anyways. So, with that in mind and with the screenplay idea I've been kicking around for a few days [one that actually kept me from sleeping earlier in the week], I propose...

The Top 5 movies I always wanted to see a sequel to.

5. ET
An odd choice for sure and one that I don't even think I'd want to see anymore. But as a impressionable youth, I always remember a lot of talk about a sequel where we would get to see ET's home planet. Now, as a kid, that sounded like the coolest fucking thing in the world to me. As an adult, I think I'd rather see the Predator's home planet... or an entire flick based on Planet Spaceball. I mean, seriously... what the fuck could you do on ET's home planet once you got there? As an adult [or as close as I may get], I envision an entire race of ETs going to war to defend their planet. How about the Predators invading ET's home planet? Now that might work out. ET's glowing healing finger vs the Predator's spear of death... and I don't mean that in a sexual way. Maybe that's the ticket.

4. Fletch
Yes, I am aware they made a sequel to Fletch [which actually is pretty kickass... go watch it.] But they need more. Fletch should have been an entire franchise. It could've spanned decades with its total greatness. It could have been like the Bond movies where when Chevy Chase got too old, you just swapped in a new actor. Apparently they tried to relaunch this series a few years ago with Kevin Smith at the helm... but Kevin Smith really wanted Jason Lee to play the lead and at the time, the studio had no fucking clue who he was. Isn't it ironic... don'tcha think? I don't know if I would have cast him either. He seems too over-the-top to play insurance agent Harry S. Truman or John Cocktoseorn. I'm not sure who I would sub in in that spot. Maybe that's a good Top 5 for next Friday.

3. Tango And Cash
Oh, fuck you too. Tango And Cash is a criminally underrated action flick. Kurt Russell and Sly with a scorching hot Teri Hatcher?! Sign me up! I mean... we got sequels to a ton of crappy action flicks from the 80's and 90's so why can't we get some sequels for the good ones. It's been a long time since the original came out but it's not like Stallone's doing anything but making sequels to his old shit right now. And Kurt Russell hasn't done anything of note since Tombstone. Come to think of it, neither has Val Kilmer. Maybe we need a Tombstone seq- wait, that won't work. TOMBSTONE PREQUEL! BOOK IT, HOLLYWOOD!

2. Friday
Yes, I realize there was a Friday sequel... maybe two or three of them at last count. BUT... there's never been a _true_ Friday sequel. They whored out that series for a few fucking dollars instead of treasuring the utter brilliance and charm of the original. I saw that movie countless times during my freshman year of college and it is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of my favorites. I want another Friday. I want another day where you ain't got no job and you ain't got shit to do. I want Ice Cube and Chris Tucker sitting on a fucking porch, smoking weed, and watching a day in the neighborhood. How hard is that? Is that too much to fucking ask? I'm irritated by this one... don't mind me.

And the #1 sequel that I want to see...

1. The Goonies
HEEEEEY YOUUUUU GUYS! Okay, what is it with long-rumored sequels from my youth? For ages, we've heard about a sequel to this being made. Several months ago, I stumbled upon a script online that someone claimed was _the_ official pitched script for the Goonies 2 movie that seemed to follow Sean Astin in interviews during the LOTR media blitz. It was golden. It was incomplete... but golden. It starts with a flashback of One Eyed Willie torturing some poor bastard who wants to join his pirate crew. Then we get Chester Copperpot's son trying to buy the map from the original from Mikey who owns a... I think it was a pawn shop. Mikey and some chick are getting married and we get to see the reaction of grownup Data, Chunk, and Mouth as they receive the invitation. So, the basic gist is that they're all going to get together at Mikey's wedding and ultimately have another adventure. IT'S GOLD! IT'S BRILLIANT! I WANT IT ON MY LOCAL CINEPLEX SCREEN TOMORROW! MAKE IT SO!

And that's that. Enjoy your weekend.

100th Post

When I discovered the other day that I was about to hit the 100th post in the history of this blog, I thought I'd do something special for it. So, this is my idea of special. I'm going to take a look back at some of the other "milestone" posts so far and see what we can see. This should be... well, interesting... maybe. Let's see!

Post #1: Grand Opening!

Ahhh, memories. January 6th, 2006 saw the very first post in this blog's history. It was the first thing I did after the wife [who no longer wants to be referred to as "the wife" in these but yet doesn't want her name on here either so henceforth we shall use "Mrs. Blue" or "B" if I'm feeling nice] bought me web server space and my own URL for a birthday gift. On my first post, I ranted a bit about how I came up with the URL because I hear it so frequently... and then I wept a little bit as the guy who played Blue in Old School had died the night before. I said it then and I say it now... that was a cruel fucking twist of fate... and not like the cool Matt Hardy version [fuck Jeff Hardy's... go find your own finisher... stop holding your brother down, that shit ain't right, sucka.]

Post #10: Livin' On The Edge

Huh. This was actually my post encouraging the WWE to not take the World Title off of Edge at the Royal Rubmle. The post was Tuesday, January 24th, just days before the Rumble. I suggested that no one wanted to see HHH/Cena as the Mania main event... and dammit, I think I was right. Oddly, we find ourselves in the same position this year where everyone was really rooting against the tide in hopes that Jeff Hardy would win the World Title at the Rumble so we'd get something unique at Mania... and no, Orton vs Cena vs HHH doesn't count as unique to me. So, twice I've pushed for the underdog to win... and twice I've been denied. Fuck you too, Vince... fuck you too.

Post #25: The Thirty-Something Malaise

Posted on Thursday, February 23, 2006... man, I sound depressed in this. It was about a month before I left my Customer Service job... actually about two weeks before I gave my notice. In here I reference that I felt days away from getting fired which turns out to be ironic because they actually offered to take me back after my layoff last November... whatever. A couple things I found really amusing in this post is the Clerks 2 reference that I'm pretty sure I used here recently. Some things really don't change, huh? The other thing I found funny was a drop-in line about Eragon being a fun read and that it's probably make a really good movie. In light of my recent angry review of said movie, this little exercise in turning back the clock proved enlightening!

Post #50: Tracy Morgan Is A Jedi!

Posted on October 16, 2006, I was apparently pretty bored because I was working a 6AM to 3PM shift and found myself with too much time on my hands because for some god-forsaken reason, I DISCUSSED MY ENTIRE TV WATCHING SCHEDULE. Good lord have mercy on those who bothered to read this in 2006. My apologies... but I'll probably do it again at some point because I'm a sadist. Uhhh, take that... who's your favorite New Kid... call me Joey... please don't go girl.

Fuck you. Go watch Mallrats and stop judging me.

This one is so lengthy, I'm looking for good lines... let's hope I had some...

In reference to Studio 60, "It seems to be one of those "too smart for the mass populace" shows that die a painful and regretful death [see: Arrested Development] because the people who watched Everybody Loves Raymond for ten years can't keep up with it." It's funny cause it's true! My mom watched Everybody Loves Raymond and quotes it to tell life lessons... a lot. That should be enough to tell you to spend your time watching Blue-approved television.

30 Rock reference, "It bombed in the ratings though so I probably shouldn't get attached but any show that had an underwear-clad Tracy Morgan running through traffic with a lightsaber screaming "I AM A JEDI!" gets my support for the moment." So, so true. And I'm so, so happy that it somehow managed to pull in enough viewers to stay alive. It's because the Democrats are taking over, you know. No Republicans are watching 30 Rock. The Black Crusaders are who are putting Obama in office, baby. Oprah and Bill Cosby. Remind me to post about the 4 Blackmen Of The Apocalypse that I coined the other night.

In reference to Smackdown, "Lately, it seems like I've been watching wrestling out of force of habit moreso than any kind of enjoyment of it." And that was _before_ the Benoit situation. After that went down, it was very hard for me to watch it and enjoy it for quite a while. I finally worked my way through it to the point where I generally enjoy it when I watch it... even TNA sometimes... but it took a while. To all those people who claim George Lucas raped their childhood, I counter with Chris Benoit... Chris Benoit forcibly sodomized my childhood.

And in the comments section, Mark made fun of me for documenting my TV watching schedule... fittingly so. I'm going to make plans to do it again in October just to punish you all. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! PROFESSOR CHAOS STRIKES AGAIN!

Post #75: Get The Gators Ready!

To demonstrate what a shitty job I did in posting in 2007, the 75th post checked in on January 30th, 2008... well over a year since #50. In this one, I looked back through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia at RollerGames.. which Dave Melter reported as the biggest roller derby in flop in history the other day. Damn him. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GATORS?! THE WALL?! THE JUMP?! LITA FORD?! Although, to my excitement, Meltzer also reported that the producer of that version of RollerGames is looking to get a revamped version of it back on the air! EXACTLY WHAT I SUGGESTED IN MY POST! With any luck, we'll be marking out over a new version of the Los Angeles T-Birds sometime in 2008.

And that's that.

It's been a fun first hundred posts and hopefully it won't take anywhere near this long to get to the next hundred.

Or as my good friend, Poff Daddy, would say...

"It's been a great hundred posts... here's to a hundred more!"

Amen, amigo. Amen.

99th post!

This angle popped into my head today and the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia made me think it was great.

Was it? Judge for yourself.

In Memory...

So, the ever-useful Dave Meltzer at Wrestling Observer points out that today is a very sad day in wrestling history as we mark the anniversaries of the deaths of two very special wrestlers.

It's the 15th anniversary of the death of Kerry Von Erich by suicide. Hard to believe it's really been that long. Kerry was the most famed son of the Von Erich family, a family that is now in tatters as nearly every son of the legendary Fritz Von Erich has ended up dead in one fashion or another. The only one left is Kevin Von Erich out of five brothers. Amazing.

As a kid, Kerry Von Erich was the always the "next Hulk Hogan" to me. In the old Apter magazines like The Wrestler and Pro Wrestling Illustrated, they constantly published photos of this guy that made him look like a bodybuilder. It was through those magazines, long before the Internet was an instant news source, that I learned of Kerry's tragic motorcycle accident and recovery. When he finally made it to the WWF, albeit having to be billed as the "Texas Tornado," you couldn't help but be happy for him. Unfortunately, he was "battling his demons" as they constantly say in the business while knocked down tons of pills. Ric Flair has often been praised by saying he could have a good match with a broomstick and one night against Kerry, he almost proved it as Kerry was so doped out of his mind, he couldn't even lace his boots. Another sad Kerry story that comes to mind is him forgetting that he had his blade taped in his fingertape for his match with Jerry Lawler and promptly slashing his head open _before_ the match.

Kerry's the ultimate story of potential gone way, way wrong in the wrestling business. Amazingly, he wrestled for years on one foot as one of his feet had to be amputated after the motorcycle accident. No one ever knew.

His greatest moment on the "big stage" came when he beat Ric Flair for the NWA World Title in Texas Stadium as part of the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions show in Texas Stadium... yes, a memorial show for one of his brothers. Unfortunately, there's no video of this to be found online anymore since it's on one of the WWE commericial releases. So, here's something you might enjoy in it's place...



RIP Kerry Von Erich

The other person to remember today is Eddie Gilbert who died 13 years ago of a drug overdose. Eddie never achieved the worldwide fame that Kerry did but he was one of the best.

As a kid, my first exposure to pro wrestling was of course, the WWF. But there were so many territories running back then, you had tons of options to see. One of the first I stumbled upon was Bill Watts' UWF and one of the people who ruled the roost there was "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert. Gilbert was the ultimate chickenshit heel who was so tiny, you couldn't imagine he'd stand a chance in there with guys like Duggan and Steve "Dr. Death" Williams but he somehow always found a way to hang in there by cheating his ass off.

Eddie's greatest moment on the "big stage" is sadly not even really his moment. He had started a feud with World Champion Ric Flair and US Champion Barry Windham, the remnants of the Horsemen in either early '89. It looked like he might finally hit the big time by feuding with the champ... but it was just a setup. A mystery partner tag match was booked between Flair/Windham vs Gilbert/?. The "?" was Ricky Steamboat and the rest is history. But Gilbert's greatest moment is one that I've never even seen. Like I said, in the 80's, you got your wrestling news from the Apter mags... and one month, they broke the story that Eddie Gilbert had attacked his long-time rival Jerry Lawler in Memphis... WITH A CAR! He tried to run down Lawler and in the mark-filled Memphis territory, actually had the police called on him. Now _that_ is a heel.

Gilbert's greatest legacy is that he was the booker for ECW before Paul Heyman came to town. Gilbert's credited with being a creative genius by many in the business and many have wondered just how big of an impact he would have had in the industry on that side of the game.

And will you look at this? The car angle. Thank god for Youtube.



Did you see that bump by Lawler?! Good lord! No wonder they called the cops.

RIP Eddie Gilbert

Anyways... sadly, death of the stars of the 80's is a frequent happening and one that a fan of the business has to deal with. I just wanted to take a few minutes to give a tip of the cap to two of my favorite grapplers from my youth on the anniversaries of their deaths.

Spring Training Update - 2/18/08

Man, you guys are lucky today as I just keep finding things to write about. Some of you must have earned good karma over the weekend. Save a baby from a burning building... get an extra Blue post on Monday. Pay it forward, people... it's just that simple.

*** On Sunday, Sandy Koufax made one of his rare visits to Dodgertown. Just f'n awesome. It's Sandy Koufax! If he was not immediately mobbed by any pitcher within twenty square miles, the game is forever destined to die. The wealth of knowledge contained on his shoulders is immeasureable. It makes me so happy that the current ownership managed to bury the hatchet with him after years of discord because he is an important piece of Dodgers history and it was a real shame that he was on the outs with the franchise for so many years.

*** In the midst of the Jones and Kuroda signings, a minor league contract was offered to a familiar face to Dodger fans... Chan Ho Park. Chan Ho was a solid pitcher for the Dodgers in his first stint with them before moving on for greener pastures [and a much greener contract.] Since then, he's bounced around the league and accomplished little. So, now he's back with his first MLB team to try to recapture the magic. I'd like to see him make it because 1] you can never have too much pitching and 2] we might get a repeat of this...



ENZUUUUUGIRIIIIIIIII!

Ahem. Good luck, Chan Ho.

*** When the Dodgers split their squad this spring to go to China, it will be historic for more than one reason. Not only is it the first MLB game played in China but the team being left behind will be managed by Hall of Famer and baseball ambassador Tommy Lasorda! That's just beyond awesome for someone who grew up worshipping the ground Tommy walked on. I just hope he doesn't blow out any of our pitchers' arms in that week of work. Take it easy, Tommy! It's just spring training.

*** And just to make sure that you're all paying attention, I'll slip in a jab at one of our "rival" teams. Check out this gem from ESPN today. The man I affectionately refer to as a F-Rod... or Fraud... thinks he's gone from the Angels because he's not feeling the love. Read the article to see his artful dodge from "Yep, I'm guessing I'm out of here" to "Oh shit, you're not going to print that, right?" It's a beautiful ride.

You Know She's No Good

Oooh! More posts! The day is aplenty with Blue thoughts!

So, I was sitting here watching an Amy Winehouse performance on MTV HD and I was struck by just how fucking good she is. I mean, I know I like the stuff of hers that I've heard and I dug the performance on the Grammys but damn, she really is fucking good. Her and her band put on one hell of a show.

Of course, she looks about as cracked out as she could possibly be.

And that's a sad thing... right?

Eh. I don't know. She's alive, right? She seems to be enjoying herself, right? She hasn't run down anyone on the streets in a cracked out rage, right?

So, why do I care exactly?

The [completely unable to prove] fact of the matter is that a large portion of the great music in history came from someone with fire in their veins or pure delight up their noses. The Doors... Hendrix... the Stones... Nirvana... GNR... so, so, so many more.

So, if we can squeeze a few albums out of her while she's dancin' with her demons, should we really lord it over her like she's the devil incarnate? As long as she keeps it to herself and doesn't just fuckin' die as a result, should we really care all that much?

Man, she's got skinny legs... and funky hair... and a lot of ink... and one of the most doped-up expressions on her face that I've ever seen.

But the people love her. And she rocks... and not in a crack rock type fashion either.

Keep on crackin', Amy! Keep it real, sista!

But remember... only street urchins work the pipe. Whitney knows what's goin' down in the world, sweetie.



That's right! CRACK IS CHEAP! CRACK IS WACK!

Come on, Amy... get with the program. You need to be chasin' the tiger... maybe indulging in some nose candy... hell, if worse comes to worse, you're in Europe... pay a visit to the Green Fairy, baby.

But not crack. Give Whitney a call. She'll be happy to discuss it with you... she's got nothing else to do.

Oh, and you can tell that Natalie Cole to get off your shit too for being cracked out and winning awards. Tell her it's better than winning awards by making people go, "Ohhh, how sweet. She's doing a duet with her dead father."

Rehab is for quitters, girlfriend. You keep tellin' 'em no, no, no.

LINKS GALORE!

I was hangin' 10 on the interweb this morning, brah, when I saw some things that made me think others might like to see them as well.

Then I closed the porn links and started looking for stuff that wasn't quite as "revealing."

Check it out, Agent Utah.

*** Who remembers Latrell Spreewell, infamous NBA choke artist, turning down a huge contract extension because he "had a family to feed" only to find himself sitting on the sidelines ever since because no one wanted to pay him what he wanted? Yeah, well... judging from this link, I'm guessing he wishes he had the money.

*** Who remembers Tony Gwynn Jr. essentially knocking his father's former club out of the postseason last year? Oh, I remember it all too well as my friend [and Padre fan] was far too happy to mock us poor Dodger fans as we pulled up to his apartment for my bachelor party, leaning off the balcony to yell "If you guys hurry, you can hear the Padres clinch the NL West." Oh, we heard something alright! We heard him whimpering like a small child when the man affectionately known as "Little T" crushed the Padres spirit [and apparently Trevor Hoffman's balls.] For all the glorious details, check it out, mang.

*** If paging through all my crazed rants isn't enough to kill your day at work, I present the next best thing. Yahoo! Bix. I used to manage to waste HOURS on this subsection of Yahoo which is presented as a series of polls such as "Which dog is the cutest?" with accompanying pictures. Since this is the Interweb, you are also treated to about a zillion "WHO IZ THA HODDEST CHIK ON THA PLANIT!?!" polls which are at least good for eyecandy. Enjoy!

*** On a quest to fulfill a challenge laid out for February's Mixtape Of The Month, I visited several music/mp3 blogs over the weekend. MP3 blogs are a hell of a drug as Rick James would say because you end up downloading a bunch of crap you don't need and ultimately probably don't want but who can say no to David Byrne covering Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" or Willie Nelson [or a faux-Willie Nelson] layin' it down on Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time?" I'll add two specific blogs to my links section later but for now, Google "MP3 blogs" and prepare to lose all sense of sanity.

*** While Bonnaroo has managed to piece together perhaps the greatest festival lineup since the second Woodstock, us poor bastards who can't afford to fly out there are stuck with making the best out of what we get. To some people in SoCal, that'd be Coachella. But fuck Coachella, ya gahdamn ravers! I refuse to wade through that many people on Ecstacy just to see Jenny Lewis. REFUSE, I SAY! So, the next best thing at the moment? Eddie Vedder solo tour!

Two Snaps, A Twist, And A Kiss

So, from my understanding and worldview, we have new readers. Welcome and I apologize in advance for anything you find offensive... and then I apologize for saying something even worse in the next paragraph after the one that offended you... and I _definitely_ apologize for the comment after that. I mean, seriously... Chelsea Clinton pimped out for use in a donkey show? Like that'd really happen!

We've been on a bit of a movie rental kick lately which is ironic in an Alanis Morissette kinda way as we barely used Netflix and/or Blockbuster Online for the whole time we had them. Both are canceled now and we suddenly find ourselves renting movies over the past two weeks. Who knew?

In honor of that and that pesky award show coming up next weekend where awards will be given to movies none of us have seen, actors whose names we don't recognize without crib notes, original songs sung by rodents [Come on, Enchanted!] and the phrase "Who are you wearing?" is used ten times per second and _not_ to a man named Buffalo Bill. But a shiny nickel if someone tucks and poses ala Jay from Clerks 2. Bonus points if Goodbye Horses is playing.

But I digress.

I shall now do my very best Siskel and Ebert impression which'll likely end up a lot more like when Howard Stern talks about movies...

Before I go into the rentals, let me talk about Eragon.

Ohhhh my, let me talk about Eragon.

You see, Eragon, as a novel, holds a special piece of inspiration for me. For those who don't know the story, the author Christopher Paolini, a home-schooled little bastard who lives in Bumfuck, Montana where there is nothing to do but smoke lots and lots of weed [come on, Phil Jackson "summers" there... girl, you know it's true] was all of fifteen years old when he wrote the first draft of Eragon upon "graduating from high school."

...

Let's let that sink in for a bit.

He was fifteen.

FIFTEEN.

Now, granted, living in Montana and being home-schooled, he must have felt like he was forty but HE WAS FIFTEEN!

According to the bio on his site, he "took a second year to revise." His family decided it was good and decided to self-publish. The book was sent to press and the first copies hit stores in November 2001... when he was eighteen.

That son of a bitch.

So, as you can see, for an aspiring writer like myself, that really toasts my balls. Or inspires me. Sometimes I can't decide which.

See, while I was eighteen and doing dumb shit like drinking on golf courses, this guy was a published author...

...but he was still living in Montana with his parents.

Hrmm.

Tossup, I guess.

BUT I DIGRESS!

Anyways, the book was goodish. It wasn't setting the world on fire but it was a solid read and I was looking forward to more. In between reading the first book and the second, I went through all of George RR Martin's "Song of Fire And Ice" saga that's been published so far which I can not imagine has a peer in the realm of sci-fi/fantasy writing so... I'm not all hot and bothered by Eragon anymore.

But I still dug it enough to be somewhat stoked when at Comic-Con a couple years ago, they announced that they were making an Eragon movie. It really was a book meant to have a movie made of it and coming fresh off LOTR and Potter being megahits, it seemed like it might be a chance for sci-fi/fantasy to make a huge comeback in the cinema which would rock my proverbial socks.

I didn't go see the movie in the theaters... sue me. I didn't even rent it on DVD. I felt bad! I really did!

Now that I've seen it on HBO last week? Not so much.

What a steaming pile of crap that was. I don't even know where to start about how bad it was. The acting was terrible. Some of the effects were just embarassing considerin the level of effects that are possible now. The action sequences were uninspiring. The story was rushed and barely clung to the original plot.

It was ass. Major stinky ass.

Oh, and the dragon! See, I'm going to spoil shit for you so don't read it if you really plan on watching or reading this but I would suggest doing neither because the second book [which I read a few weeks ago] basically pissed me off so DON'T GIVE THE LITTLE MONTANA BASTARD ANY MORE MONEY! The dragon "talks" to Eragon through their minds. Don't laugh, asshole. It's cool. But not when the dragon sounds like Angela Lansbury! GRRRARRRRGH!

Anyways... don't watch that movie. It sucked. If I was Roger Ebert, I would not give this movie a thumbs up. I wouldn't give it a thumbs down either. I'd track down the writer that adapted that screenplay, cut off _his_ thumb, and bury it deep in his rectal region.

So, after seeing that, I was reluctant to race into watching Stardust, one of the other movies we rented that I was really looking forward to.

We opted to start with Shoot 'Em Up.

Shoot 'Em Up was another movie we were pissed we missed in the theater because the footage they screened at the Con was amazingly cool. So, we were stoked at finally getting the chance to see it.

The action scenes were beautifully done... brilliantly choreographed. We had just seen Smokin' Aces [not a bad flick, btw] the week prior so it had some tough competition but came out like a champ. Clive Owen continues to look like a badass in every movie he's in. This could have just as easily been a continuation of his segment of Sin City. Paul Giamatti is perfect as the slimy, snarky, always-a-step-ahead villain. Monica Belluci is hot... well, she is, dammit! And really that was her only purpose in the movie so bravo, my lady, bravo! The plot's a little convoluted and flabby but it's really only window dressing for the action scenes anyways. It had a lot of Charlie's Angelsesque "Did he really just fucking do that?" action so go in prepared to put your disbelief under your chair for 80 minutes and enjoy. I'd give it a thumb to the side... nothing fantabulous but I didn't wish I'd had the hour and a half of my life back.

In showing true cinematic diversity, we progressed on to Ratatouille, Pixar-Disney's latest fling in computer animation.

Sigh.

What the fuck is with computer animation? I mean, I know they like it cause it's pretty. I know they can make things look "more real" with it. But what the hell is wrong with hand-drawn cel animation?! The stuff in Enchanted was the bombdiggity and gave me great hope that the heart and soul hadn't been ripped out of Disney's Animation department and replaced with that fucking clock the Tin Man got from the Wizard of Oz. Beauty And The Beast, Aladdin, Lion King... that's the good shit, baby. I love Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc, Nemo... so don't get me wrong, the computer stuff can be good too. But dammit... just give me someone with a pencil every now and again so my brain doesn't bleed. If you ever get a chance, check out a fantastic documentary called Dream On Silly Dreamer. We saw it at the Con two years ago and bought the DVD on the spot. It's about the "high times and tragic fate of Disney Feature Animation" according to the box. A beautiful and depressing as hell story. But we hold out hope, John Lassiter. Get 'er done.

What was I talking about? Oh, the rat movie.

It was alright. The wife liked it more than I did. She was all giddy for it and looked like she might cry at any moment which doesn't say much because I swear she may have cried at the end of Anchorman... true story! But not.

Anyways... rat movie was okay. It had some heart and looked pretty. I might like it more on a rewatch. Absolutely hated Nemo the first time I watched it and didn't even make it through my first viewing of A Bug's Life. On the grand scale of Pixar flicks, I'd slot it in above Cars [since I haven't seen it!] but... well, below everything else. It _might_ check in higher than Bug's Life. I'd have to rewatch that one too.

NEXT!

We went to watch Across The Universe but the DVD player suddenly decided it didn't want to play dialogue which makes watching a musical a little tricky. I swapped in Stardust to see if that'd work... it didn't. I fiddled with some cables for a bit and suddenly, we had sound. Beautiful! I AM A GENIUS! Actually, I just unplugged one of the audio cables so I only had Mono sound... but still, genius!

Stardust was... well, awesome. I don't have a single complaint actually. The acting was great, the effects were perfect, the plot was awesome [thank you, Mr. Gaiman and thanks adapters for not fucking it up... GO FIX ERAGON!], the music was incredible, and... well, yeah. I was stoked after it was over. Go out of your way to see this movie if you're any fan of sci-fi/fantasy at all. If you're not, give it a shot... you still might like it.

The one negative I took away from Stardust was simple. After seeing Stardust and Serenity both get absolutely destroyed at the box office, I have great fear for the future of the genre in the cinema. Now, obviously we can expect things like The Hobbit and the Potter movies to continue to get churned out and clean house but the smaller films seem to be suffering. Is it a matter of having too much of a niche audience? Is it bad marketing? It's not the movies, dammit, because they were both near flawless. Numbers, you say? Here are the numbers...

Stardust made a total domestic gross of almost 39 million. They tacked on another 96 or so worldwide for a total of 135 million. The production budget was estimated at 70 million and doesn't include marketing and such.

Serenity made 25.5 mil domestic and 13 and change worldwide for a total of about 39 mil on a 39 mil production budget. That makes me want to cry. I WEEP FOR THE WORLD!

And you know why I weep for the world?

Because Step Up 2 The Streets made 26 million dollars this weekend.

Because Eragon made 250 million dollars worldwide... and made me want to stab out my eyes and cut off my ears.

BECAUSE THE PACIFIER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS WORLDWIDE! VIN DIESEL AS A BABYSITTER MADE 200 MILLION DOLLARS!

I weep because shows like Arrested Development, Firefly, Wonderfalls, and Journeyman end up scrapped while we get treated to sixteen versions of CSI and Law & Order. I weep because crap like Air Bud 2 gets green-lighted while The Watchmen and Justice League sat in developmental hell for years. I weep because it makes national headlines when a reporter quips that Chelsea Clinton got "pimped out" and because Britney's dad hates her lawyer. I weep that trainwreck television like Celebrity Rehab is made... and that I somehow find myself watching it because it's so damn amazing to see former "stars" on the last rung of life.

Erm... I got carried away again.

BUT I DIGRESS!

Go see Stardust. You know what else you should see? Across The Universe. Well, let's make things really clear on that...

1] You should enjoy musicals. As was referenced this evening, I have "an affinity for musicals" [thanks Mark] - so I enjoyed this movie a lot.

2] You should at least have a mild interest in the Beatles' music. If you hate the Beatles, your money may be better spent on buying a copy of Eragon to use as a coaster if you run out in a crisis.

3] You should be able to least imagine you've been on a mind-altering drug at some point in your life - and yes, we'll include SEVERE doses of alcohol in this. If you've ever drank so much that you looked at your blurry hand and thought it was amusing that you had fingers, that'll do, donkey.

If you meet all three of these criteria, you will likely enjoy this movie.

Nice, clear, concise review! No rants there!

Although, I could discuss the insanity of the Beatles segment on the Grammys again if you'd like. No? Fine.

NEXT!

3:10 To Yuma.

I love me some Westerns. It's a genre that tends to get forgotten for lengthy periods of time and then gets rediscovered when someone knocks one out of the park. 3:10 To Yuma is a remake of a movie I've never seen... which makes it new to me! This movie rocked. Lots of moments of the Gladiator dude being cool. Lots of Christian Bale looking like a pansy-ass mofo... but somehow being cool while doing it. A couple fun cameos. Good shit! Westerns rock. Watch this one.

Concise! That's the keyword since this post is going to take the full length of the front screen and has taken me close to an hour to finish [which is awesome since it'll serve as my hour of writing for Sunday and keep my anti-laziness pledge.]

One last movie and it's one we just watched tonight...

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Lawd have mercy. A documentary about a subculture that is described as "competitive video gaming." For most of us, "competitive video gaming" was like Brian and I sitting under my mom's staircase playing Tecmo Bowl and using the Raiders so that you could run circles around everyone with Bo Jackson or dropping back to your own endzone for the 100 yard pass.

For these guys? It's an addiction, it's life and death [death threats are exchanged according to one player], and for some, it's really the pinnacle of their lives. You'll watch this and at times think it's got to be a show. It's got to be a mockumentary like Drop Dead Gorgeous or Best In Show but there's no Fred Willard to make me giggle every few seconds. There's just poor, sad souls that make you fill up with a mix of sympathy and a desire to mock.

It's a tough internal struggle that all viewers of this flick must endure.

At first, you feel sorry for the man who gets laid off the day he and his wife sign the papers for their new house. But that pity kinda goes in a different direction as his wife, friends, and family members go on and one about how he's never accomplished anything in life and how they just want to see him excel at something and be happy for once. And then when you find out what he's decided to excel in is breaking the world record for Donkey Kong? The pity goes yet another direction! And then to see the lengths he has to go to to try and accomplish that goal? This is really a masterfully done character piece. In wrestling terms, this guy is the ultimate babyface... even after his mother says she thinks he might be a little autistic while we're watching him play the drums on a 5 year old's drumkit.

On the other side of the coin, the current record holder is a dick... plain and simple. The pure ego this guy has for holding world records for a video game will make you want to kick the shit out of him and laugh at the same time. He is the ultimate heel, the perfect foil to our babyface. He uses political pressure to deny our hero, he faces allegations of cheating, he ostracizes, he challenges and then avoids. He basically turns into the perfect pussy heel that's just aching for the final showdown.

I don't want to spoil this one for anyone so... go watch it. It's one of the my favorite things I've seen lately.

Ok... I'm done. Hopefully for you new readers, you weren't too traumatized. The wife can't believe I used a donkey show reference in the first paragraph but as a very wise man once said, "I am what I am."

Pass the spinach cause I be out!