THE HARD MASTER~!

Yeah, yeah - it sounds like a porn character, I know. But in fact, the Hard Master plays a very important role in the relationship between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow in the GI Joe mythology - or more precisely, the deterioration of the relatioship. CUE SPOOKY MUSIC! I'd say more but I don't know how spoilery I feel this morning.

Anyways... they cast this dude.



Very stereotypical "ninja master" kinda character. I just can't seem to recall if he looked anything similar to this though.

But if they really want to gain my favor, I want the Blind Master.

The G.I. Joe Producer Speaks... INVISIBLE!

A new interview with G.I. Joe movie producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura hit the Interweb today. Let's see if he can soothe some of the butt hurt Joe fans out there... yours truly included.

Here are the highlights:

** When asked about the difference between producing Transformers and G.I. Joe -
"They’re completely different. I mean, to me I don’t look at them as toy properties... I look at them as mythologies. So, G.I. Joe is a really, really in depth mythology... The characters involved and intertwined nature and G.I. Joe it’s very funny how everybody’s very intertwined. It’s very different than in a lot of the comic book mythologies I’ve run into. The lines between good and evil are drawn differently. I think the Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes, it’s a great thing and is Storm Shadow evil? Well, some people think so. I don’t. Is Snake-eyes also righteous in this? I’m not so sure, he’s blaming his buddy for something he may or may not have done, you know, so it’s that interesting duality where the characters live in a world that’s good guys and bad guys but it’s also a gray area."

REACTION: Not a bad answer. He's done some homework at least. And I _really_ hope this means that the Snakes/Stormy/Hard Master storyline will be explored to some extent as the chief conflict between the two.

** When asked the very obvious question on a lot of fans' minds about having too many characters to introduce and flesh out -
"Well, it’s a hard question to answer. We think we’re going to deliver on all the characters. We think the script actually delivers really well and sets up each character. You’re going to understand the back-stories of virtually every major character and then you’re going to understand the roles of the ones you don’t. You may not know everything you know if you’ve read the comic book but you’re going to recognize them if you’ve read the comic book and you’re certainly going to want to know more about them by the end of it which is part of the tease. And there’s some character info that will be new to the comic fans."

REACTION: I don't buy it. There's just no friggin' way to cover that many characters unless they're breaking the two hour mark for the movie by a LOT of screen time. I'm glad they recognize this could be a problem but I just don't think there's a legitimate way to resolve it without a lot of these appearances being just cameos... which I'm fine with to some degree.

** On the level of violence and the rating and target demo and such -
"You know for us, we think the people who grew up with the comic book and the animated show are going to be our core audience. We think that the older audience that identifies with the pre-83 Joe is going to have some education to go through but are going to relate to the title because the values of it are the same. The storytelling is different but if you think about the values, they’re very similar, you know? Integrity, honesty, bravery, courage, you know things like that that I think you just associate with both versions of G.I. Joe. It’s an all audience movie. I mean, there are 2 really strong romances. There are a lot of things in there that’s going to appeal to people. It’s going to be PG-13. Look I’ve been involved with a lot of R-rated movies and a lot of PG-13. You just sort of begin to understand the difference and Stephen Sommers has no intention of making an R-rated movie and it would be silly to do so because you should appeal down to kids."

REACTION: This is all well and good. No one expect G.I. Joe to be like the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan, I don't think. It's a war story but largely, it's a comic book war story. I have no issue with this being PG-13. I am curious about the two romances though. It had better be Snakes/Scarlett and Baroness/Destro but I have an itchy suspicion we're going to get hosed on one of those for some romance that didn't exist in the comics or TV show.

** To address the photos of everyone in black leather -
"I would say each character has more than one outfit, by in large, other than of course Snake Eyes, but everybody else has multiple looks. I think our costume designer’s phenomenal and she’s just done a great job in delivering a very varied look. You know, Snake Eyes is a character in black so he would be in black and you know we looked through all the comic books and The Baroness and unless we’re missing something she’s always in black. Every character in the movie is not in black all the way through including - other than Snake Eyes - who has to be in black all the way through. So, you know, there’s multiple looks that for each of those characters that you’ll see them in different color schemes and in different attitudes I’d say."

REACTION: Good answer! If this is true, this eases my mind a bit. Although I really wish the interviewer would have asked about the god-awful Storm Shadow costume. I'm still hoping that's the costume he wears when he goes to a high school dance and slashes some U.S. government official's daughter's throat with a sword. Tell me that scene wouldn't rock your boat!

** When asked to compare the tone of the movie to the comics or TV show -
"That’s an interesting question. I guess it’s definitely a comic book movie and it’s definitely has a great sense of humor, so there’s a lot of humor and a lot of drama and a lot of action. I would say there’s an equal measure of all 3 of those things in the movie."

REACTION: That raises a bit of a red flag to me. The animated show had a ton of humor, for sure, but that's one of the reasons most people didn't like it as well as the comics. If they try to go too funny with this, it'll fall flat and hard.

** THE PIT!
"We built a couple of the levels of The Pit as Stephen has imagined it and Ed Verreaux, our designer, is really gigantic so you couldn’t really build all of it, but so some of it. But we built a full floor of it which is gigantic. I think everybody’s going to be really happy that we took The Pit very seriously and built it to fulfill anybody’s sense of fantasy of what it could be."

REACTION: Surprisingly, I really couldn't give a damn about what The Pit looks like. It's not like X-Men's Danger Room where it's an iconic part of the mythology and has to be done perfectly or people will be up in arms. I mean, I'm sure there are some people that will shit themselves if The Pit doesn't match the diagram that was in one of the old Marvel annuals but I'm not one of them.

** More on Snakes vs Stormy

"We’re really exploring the mythology and we hope that the mythology, if we’re lucky enough to get to a 2^nd film, we want to continue to explore the mythology of the two characters. It’s very rich and this movie explores a lot about how they met at first and how they fell apart. And yes we have shot a fight between the 2 of them and we hope that everybody’s going to agree with us that it’s going to be one of those great battles."

REACTION: Allow me a moment to give a warning that you, Mr. Bonaventura, will never read. If you fuck up this one part of the story, Snakes and Stormy, G.I. Joe fans will never forgive you. It's the one thing you can not afford to blow. You can probably get by with invisible Scarlett... you can probably get by with Destro wearing the mask because of injury... you can probably even get by with metrosexual Hawk... but if you FUBAR Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow's part of the story, you will never recover from it.

And that's that. I probably should've saved this post for tomorrow so I wouldn't have to think of a new topic but... eh, this is what I do for you! This is what I do!

And now you know...

...and knowing is half the battle.

Uh oh

There's still a Top Five coming later today but in my unofficial role as the G.I. Joe movie watchdog, I must say...

"Uh oh"

Take a look.


First shot of Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. Where's the camo?! Seriously, I'd be okay with this... maybe... if it didn't get worse. At least I'm looking at the picture and not mocking him immediately. Let's keep going.


First shot of Channing Tatum as Duke. Again, it could be worse. It's not the original costumes for sure. It looks like Fox had a fire sale on the X-Men costumes after KILLING OFF MOST OF THE TEAM and Paramount reaped the benefits. When I joked about the black leather on Scarlett earlier this week, I didn't realize the whole team would be sporting it. The whole team except...
Ohhh my. Dennis Quaid as Hawk looks... well... uhhh... highly metro. What's with the fucking beret? Did someone pick up a Flint action figure and get confused? Where's the flat top, dammit? I'd say, "There's plenty of time to fix it" but apparently Quaid already done shooting so... whew. This image alone is enough to scare me horribly... or scar me... not sure which one.
Yeaaaaaaah. Well, at least they went all-white with the Storm Shadow costume. But where's the mask? And why does it look like he's wearing a trenchcoat?
Now _this_ looks right. She's the one that's supposed to be in skintight black leather! Ahh, I have a feeling her posters will be selling very well next year. Hell, I could probably sell them at Comic-Con this year for a bundle.
"Cover Girl is sporting this year's cutting edge trend in camo. Perfect for skulking in the jungles, sizing up a killshot, jogging on the beach on a misty morning, and cuddling by the fire with that special someone. Note the stylish watch - this girl won't be missing any dates any time soon! Available now on Page 21 of the J Peterman catalog. $89.95"

Larry Hama... take me away!