A little more on Kent

Just watching the Dodger pre-game show and as they were going off the air, they pointed out Kent's production increase hitting in front of Manny and then started mocking him for his "look at my career numbers" stuff. Beautiful. They also pointed out that his "career numbers" in the three hole also include his stint hitting in front of Bonds which I can't remember if I referenced but I know it was buzzing around my brain when I writing.

Kevin Kennedy also said, "Don't mess with Vinny" as Steve Lyons remarked "He's barking up the wrong tree with that one." That's what I like to hear.

I'm sure Vinny will take the high road and let it go but I'd sure love to hear him rip Kent a new one at some point. Maybe Vinny will write a book some day and all will be spilled.

Jeff Kent Is An Asshole

Once a fucking Giant...

The title pretty much says it all, no?

It's not like it's earthshattering news either. The guy has been a prick for the majority of his baseball career and got a free pass for a lot of it because it was aimed in a bigger prick's direction. I mean, how can you hate Jeff Kent compared to Barry Bonds? When Kent got into it with Milton Bradley, how could you not take his side when Bradley's a plastic bottle away from a meltdown at any moment?

But on a day when Dodger fans should be celebrating because the magnificent Greg Maddux is on his way back to town - a move I've supported for weeks, by the way - to hopefully steady a starting rotation that is hurting with Penny going back down to injury... we're having to deal with Jeff Kent running his mouth about Vin Scully.

I have little doubt that Jeff Kent greatly overestimates his value to Dodger fans but if he has any hope not to suffer the same fate as Andruw Jones, I think he might want to apologize... and in a hurry.

Vin Scully is not just a Dodger treasure - he's a baseball treasure.

Very few would say the same about Jeff Kent.

So, Mr. Kent, when Vin Scully says you're benefitting from hitting in front of Manny Ramirez, Dodger [and baseball] fans are going to believe no matter how much you throw your lifetime stats in our faces to try to prove him wrong.

I don't know if it's an ego thing or what but it's fairly obvious that you're hitting better in front of Manny than you were without him so just give him the nod of credit, suck it up, and play the game you're paid to play. And don't waste your time running down our legendary announcer trying to make yourself look better.

I've long held the belief that this team and franchise will find itself worlds better when Jeff Kent moves on - whether it's to retirement or another team. I've been hopeful it's been coming for a couple years but we haven't gotten lucky yet. Yes, it will be difficult to replace his production in another second baseman but I hold a firm belief that it will greatly improve team morale and chemistry to not have his grumpy ass polluting the air.

My stance on booing our own players is well-known so I will not be booing Jeff Kent when I [hopefully] go to the game on Thursday afternoon. I will cheer for Jeff Kent, the player, to help my team to victory.

But Jeff Kent the person?

Well... someone wise said earlier...

Jeff Kent Is An Asshole.

Hehehehe... he said "anal fissures"

One of the most overlooked and underappreciated forms of humor is the list of injuries that players have somehow managed to acquire over the years to force them out of action. While you never want to laugh at an injury, well... sometimes you just have to.

Who can forget Jeff Kent's broken wrist from "falling out of his truck while washing it?" Of course, it was later revealed that he broke it while doing wheelies on his motorcycle... a violation of his contract that pretty much was the beginning of the end of his stint with the San Francisco Giants. Washing your truck or doing wheelies? Either one is a pretty dumb way to get injured.

But baseball players aren't the only ones to get injured in dumb ways. Laker fans will not forgive or forget Vladimir Radmanovic for his injury over the 2006-07 All Star Break. It was shortly after the break that he announced he had suffered a separated shoulder when he slipped on a icy sidewalk in Utah. Very few, if any, bought the excuse and it was just days later that he told the truth - it was a snowboarding injury which was, of course, again a violation of his contract. The Lakers "went easy" on Vlad Rad and opted not to terminate his contract for the breach - instead fining him $500,000 for his boneheaded move.

And one more of those, "million to one shot, doc" injuries... Houston Astros' outfielder Hunter Pence had my favorite injury of the winter when he accidentally jumped through a glass door, shattering it and slicing himself to shit in the process. How could such a thing happen, you ask? He and "a friend" were hot-tubbing on his deck when he suddenly decided he needed to use the bathroom. He jumped out of the hot tub and jumped towards the door - only to discover his "friend" had shut it. The door shattered and hilarity ensued.

But not all of the best injury stories come from the way they happen. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the injury itself. And no, I'm not talking about the occasional chuckle when someone gets a strained groin. I'm not even talking about the Dodgers' Tony Abreu and his INJURED ASS this spring. Maybe I'm talking about Clemens' ass injury discussed during his Congressional testimony?

Well, no... but that was a good one too.

My new favorite injury popped up [so to speak] this evening when I was watching some old AWA wrestling on ESPN Classic that I had DVRd last week. Something on the news crawl caught my eye in a "Did that just say..."

Yes, it did.

Kaz Matsui was going on the disabled list for... anal fissures.

Now, if you're like most of America, you're only experience with that term came from The Office a couple seasons back when Dwight was picking a new health plan and Kevin wanted to make sure that "anal fissures" would be covered because "someone had them."

And if you never bothered at that point to discover what they were... well, I'm here to educate one and all.

"An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. [...] Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Various causes of this fissure include:

* Straining to defecate, especially if the stool is hard and dry
* Severe and chronic constipation
* Severe and chronic diarrhea
* Crohn's disease and Ulcerative colitis
* Tight sphincter muscles
* Anal intercourse"

Sounds... pleasant!

So, poor Kaz will be sliding headfirst for a while apparently as he recovers from his... well, utter and total humiliation at having this disclosed to the entire sporting world, I'd imagine. Best of luck to you, buddy. And if they bench you... don't forget the donut.

Oh, by the way, while doing "intensive research" for this posting, I may have discovered my new favorite sports injury...

Apparently the Spring of '08 is going to be big for bizarre injuries because as odd as Matsui's is... check out poor Cubs outfielder Felix Pie.

"Pie is suffering from what's called testicular torsion, or, in layman's terms, a twisted testicle. It happened early in camp, but Pie had the problem reduced manually, sources said, and was able to continue playing. He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today."

ANAL FISSURES... TWISTED TESTICLES... Sweet Lord have mercy on us all.

It's almost enough to make you wish Jeff Kent would wash his truck again.

Almost.

Let's Make It A Dodger Day

On a day when the Dodgers came from behind to score seven runs in the ninth to beat the Red Sox [in a lowly exhibition game at which point no players expected to make the clubs' rosters were playing], let's take a look at five pieces of news to ponder as we get closer to the season start.

1) Clayton Kershaw making a push for the roster
If you're not familiar with Clayton Kershaw, he's the best pitching prospect in the Dodgers organization and one of the best in the entire sport. Most expected the 19-year old to start the season at Single or Double A but... well... he got a couple innings of work in the big league camp the other day. Dodger All-Star catcher Russell Martin was asked if he thought Kershaw might make the opening day roster for the big club and had this to say, "I wouldn't be surprised. For the first time in a big league game -- wow. He's got just a heavy, heavy fastball and an easy delivery. He's very deceptive. His curveball, it just drops off the table. I think it's the best curveball I've ever caught, to be honest. He keeps the ball down. You can see he's a tremendous competitor, giving up a home run to the first batter, getting into a bases-loaded jam and bearing down to strike out two guys to get out of it. It's just how easy he throws. He's mechanically sound. I don't think he needs to learn anything mechanically. He looks polished. He wasn't holding anything back, he was just going after it. He's only 19. Man, that's impressive. A left-hander throwing 97 with a power curve, that's pretty unique. And he's got a changeup, but he only used it once. He didn't really need it. They couldn't get the bat head out, so why help them? I heard a lot of things about the guy, but I like to make my own opinion. A lot of young guys get called up early and have done well. Hopefully, he can be one of those guys."

Lots of key phrases in there to be excited about if you're a Dodger fan. Things like lefty, 97 MPH fastball, "best curveball I've ever caught." But at the end of the day, the kid is only nineteen and barring a major crisis where we need him ASAP, I'd rather let him spend another season in the minors.

2) Jeff Kent hurt
Kent's got a strained hammy and is out of action for a week. One of the hazards of having a veteran second baseman. He should be alright soon but I'd expect we'll see a few more twinges and tweaks from Kent this season. I hope we have a reliable backup ready.

3) Delwyn Young sparkling at second
And speaking of our backup at 2B, Young was kinda shoved into duty there last week as the Dodgers search for a roster spot for him. He's out of options so they either have to keep him or lose him so with his impressive bat in his ML stint last season, they're going to do their best to keep him. A former 2B who was converted to the OF because of bad defense, he's grabbed nothing but praise for his defense over the past couple weeks. With Abreu hurting as well, Young may be a lock for that backup 2B spot when the season starts.

4) The battle for the fifth spot
So, we already talked about Kershaw but the surprise of the spring so far is the performance of Chan Ho Park. Once thought a major longshot to make the rotation, he has thrown four perfect innings so far this spring and was named the starter for the first China game. If he does well there, the Dodgers may have to give him a serious, serious look... but I still say Loaiza would have to completely shit the bed to lose the spot as he's got the most money invested in him.

5) 115,000?
The Dodgers are looking to set the World Record for largest crowd to attend a baseball game at the Coliseum against the Sox. They added 25,000 standing room seats to attempt it. Whew. All I can think about is how bad traffic will be getting out of the ghetto on that lovely spring night.