Top 5 Friday: Laker Love

In keeping with this week's theme of Laker Love and in anticipation of Game 3 tomorrow in Denver, I thought I'd toss in a Top 5 Friday with a bit of a twist. A couple days ago, another blog posted their "Top 10 Reasons I Hate Laker Fans." So, in response to that BITCH ASS SUCKA Nuggets Fan, I will give his post a little free pub and respond to each accusation:

The Top 10 Reasons Some BITCH ASS SUCKA Nuggets Fan Hates Laker Fans And Why He's Wrong [On Most Of Them!]

DISCLAIMER: I will make distinctions between "types" of Laker fans throughout this post and you should to!

10. Half The Courtside Seats Are Empty In The First And Third Quarters Of Every Game
So, right off the bat, I draw the distinction. The lower bowl of Staples Center can not be considered your average Laker fan. These are mostly people who pay astronomical ticket prices to see [sometimes] and be seen. You should not consider their actions to be standard for "real" Laker fans. Take a look at the upper bowl of Staples and the rabid fans up there before you blast Laker fans as a whole for this. By the way, the Nuggets had 90.9% attendance for the year, ranking 17th in the league. The Lakers had 98.5% ranking 11th. Suck it, monkeys!

9. They're Incapable Of Acknowledging A Bad Trade When It Happens
Are you fucking serious? Go check out Lakerground.net when a trade is about to go down or right after it happens. Mitch Kupchak was nearly hanged by his testicles from the banners at Staples until this year. Again, the distinction. I'm not talking about your typical Laker "fan" who breaks out their car flag as soon as the playoffs start. I'm talking about your "real" Laker fan who follows the team from buzzer to buzzer.

8. They Act Like The Entire League Is Obligated To Ensure The Lakers Success, And Thus Every Team Should Be Trading Their Best Players To The Lakers For Pennies On The Dollar
And to "prove" his point, he brings up some completely inane example of Laker fans being upset when Minnesota wouldn't accept an offer of Odom, Turiaf, and a 1st for Garnett. I don't recall that, sucka. However, I _do_ recall Laker fans being upset when an offer of Odom, Bynum, Kwame, and change got rejected for the Celtics offer by ETERNAL Laker hater Kevin McHale. To the original "point," I bring up the fact that "real" Laker fans knew that the Lakers didn't have much to deal with and were dealing from a weak hand. And "real" Laker fans also know that most teams playa hate the Lakers and wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire to help them. Which is what makes the Gasol deal even more amazingly cool. I'm not sure how Nugs Fan got this so wrong... although I'll guess crazed psychotic madness at having to drink some weak-ass near beer might be a factor.

7. LA Radio "Personality" Vic "The Brick" Jacobs
I have no defense. Point given.

6. Seats That Should Go To Real Basketball Fans Are Instead Occupied By Wives, Girlfriends, and Escorts
Really? This is why you hate Laker fans? Shouldn't this be why you hate Laker management? Or society in general? Isn't it the case through most of sports that the true fans are stuck in the nosebleeds while the rich fat cats enjoy the sweat zone in their designer suits while trying to look cool? To counter, I suggest that the reason I hate Nuggets Fans is because the seats on the bench that should go to real basketball fans are instead occupied by gang-bangers, thugs, and crybabies. That sound fair?

5. They're The Biggest Bandwagon Fans In The Country And Only Support The Lakers When The Team Is Really, Really, Really Good."
To this, I counter with two points. Firstly, I openly admit that the Lakers do tend to draw a large number of bandwagon fans. What winning team doesn't though? The true fans stay win or lose, thick or thin, No-Kwame or Kwame. Secondly?

Nuggets Attendance For The Past Five Years
***
2007-8: 90.9%
2006-7: 90.2%
2005-6: 89.7%
2004-5: 92.5%
2003-4: 92.1%

Lakers Attendance For The Past Five Years
***
2007-8: 98.5%
2006-7: 99.6%
2005-5: 99.1%
2004-5: 98.6%
2003-4: 99.5%

More fans - no matter what the record. Hrmm.

4. 85% Of Them Aren't From Los Angeles And, Like Newcomers To Scientology, These Non-Native Lakers "Fan" Converts Are Young, Impressionable, And Gullible.
...

And that's your number four?

Can't wait for number three!

3. Now That He's Out Of Town, They Pretend Like They Never Liked Shaquille O'Neal In The First Place.
Riiiiiight. You must have missed the period of time where everyone lamented Shaq being gone even through his scorched earth campaign. There's not a soul among true Laker fans who don't appreciate what Shaq did while he was here... they just don't like the way he left town. But you can bet when he finally retires and that jersey goes up in the rafters, there won't be a dry eye in the house.

2. They Unmercifully Defend Kobe Bryant
Again, are you fucking serious? What fan doesn't defend the centerpiece of their favorite team? What are you complaining about us defending him for?

"Whether he’s throwing his teammates like Shaq or Andrew Bynum under the bus..."

Shaq did plenty of backing that bus all over Kobe before he left town. The one time Kobe replied gets him crucified by the uninformed. The Bynum thing was out of line but everyone makes mistakes. He got his heat for it during the offseason and early in the year but we can't all root for perfect angels like "Thug Life" Allen Iverson.

"...clobbering white defenders after jump shots"

I had to read this a few times to see if I saw it right. White defenders? He doesn't clobber any other defenders? Just the white ones. Damn that Kobe Bryant. He is one racist son of a bitch.

"regularly spouting profanity-laced tirades at the referees for all the six year olds within earshot to hear"

Oh... my... god. Someone is reaching now. Well, he was reaching before... but now he looks like Reed Richards.

"(allegedly) forcing himself sexually onto a female hotel worker in Colorado and subsequently paying her -- and his wife -- off"

Mr. Richards, can you touch the top of the backboard with that reach? I do like the insertion of "allegedly" in there though. It's almost as if you believe in the American legal process!

"Throwing public hissy fits to get himself traded"

Really? Did you miss a very large majority of Laker fans giving him grief for those very trade demands? Did you somehow witness us all falling over each other to point out how right he was?

The rest of that "point" reveals this is really just a smokescreen for someone pissed about the "DUI" chants from last Sunday. I already stated that I didn't think they were needed so I'm not going to argue against that... but man, you get ugly when trying to make that point. You would have thought Kobe (allegedly) bent your mother over a hotel room chair.

1. They're In Myopic Denial Of The Favoritsm The Lakers Receive From The NBA.
God, I wish I had an emoticon for me rolling around laughing my ass off at you poor, poor soul. But I guess in a way, this "point" is almost a good thing. It means that the world is almost back to normal because opposing teams fans are starting to call favortism and invoking the Roman emperor David Stern's thumb down at playoff time once more.

Hey, if it makes you feel better about being down 2-0, rock on with yo' bad self.

Let's look at some of this favoritism the Lakers are getting from the league, shall we?

"Since the Lakers can’t be bothered to play on Saturdays, they never have to play a back-to-back at the end of week…typically the most grueling games on the schedule."

Good lord, you're right! The Lakers should be forced to forfeit immediately!

Oooh, the next one is about refereeing. Of course it is. The Lakers always get all the calls in "supremely important games." Yawn.

And you cry about Stern wishing the Finals were the Lakers vs the Lakers? I wonder why he would say that.

Oh, I guess it's because the Lakers draw the ratings. Or to make it more simple for you... Purple And Gold = Green!

But it's okay. I'm sure some day the Commish would love to see a team make the finals whose two star players manage to:

A] Get busted for a DUI on the eve of the playoffs. Awesome!
B] Get kicked out of a close playoff game for two consecutive techs for arguing a play he wasn't even involved in.

I can't imagine why the world's not waiting for the Denver Nuggets to make the Finals.

Good luck tomorrow, good sir.

I'll be waiting to see what kind of wicked favortism Chancellor Stern invokes to secure the sweep for the league's [purple and] golden children.