Top Five Friday: A Patriotic Edition

Ahhh... the 4th of July. The day where Americans gather together with families and friends to celebrate the birth of our nation and the freedoms we enjoy living in the greatest country in the world - as flawed as it may be.

Freedoms, you know?

Like... the freedom to use fireworks in areas where you're not supposed to use fireworks, threatening to start a massive fire because pretty lights make you happy.

Or perhaps the freedom to gorge ourselves on either badly under or overcooked hamburgers and hot dogs to the point of having our stomachs rupture, flooding the world with a sea of partially digested scorched animal flesh.

Here's a good one. The freedom to cheer on our favorite baseball team to victory despite their horrific record while playing in the worst [and most embarrassing] division in the league.

You've gotta love freedom. And you've gotta love America!

No, seriously, you do.

If you don't love America, the terrorists win, dammmit!

In honor of America, I proudly present...

The Top Five Songs Featuring The Word "America" Or "USA" In The Title In My ITunes Library

Honorable Mention: Neil Diamond's "America" - the sole reason it makes this list and probably the sole reason it doesn't make the Top 5 as well is some very vivid memories of a teacher in 4th or 5th grade trying to get us to perform this song at a school program with some fucked up arm gestures to "act out" the song. It was so bad, there was basically a class-wide mutiny which resulted in us getting to play our parents in a softball game instead. Good times.

5. American Girl - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
This is actually one of my favorite songs but it takes the bottom spot because it's more about the girl than America which was really the point of this whole exercise. It was also featured in Silence Of The Lambs when the Senator's daughter is singing along just before she gets grabbed. I'm not sure if that makes the song cooler or just creepy - you make the call!

4. Living In America - James Brown
The Godfather of Soul outdid himself in his comeback hit that was used as Apollo Creed's entrance music in Rocky IV. Of course - SPOILER ALERT! - Apollo got his melon smashed by Drago just moments later and died in Rocky's arms. But it was still a cool scene and an amazing song. Just all the crazy pomp and circumstance surrounding Apollo's entrance with James Brown himself made that death worthwhile. Besides, Drago got his in the end - JUST LIKE ALL EVIL COMMIE RUSSIANS DO! "And if I can change... and you can change... everybody can change!" Rocky Balboa making the world safer... one evil nation at a time.

3. America - Simon & Garfunkel
I'm not really sure what this song is about actually. Either I'm not deep enough or I've never been stoned enough, not sure. But I do know that the girly from She & Him in Almost Famous used it to explain why she was running away from home. Made sense to me. The song really soothes me actually. I like listening to it in the mornings usually - weekend mornings are even better. It's one of those, "Yeah, this world is cool" songs. Okay, now I sound like I've been stoned enough.

2. Real American - Rick Derringer
Hey! Fuck you! I know you're laughing at me for picking Hulk Hogan's theme song as one of my favorite songs with "America" in the title but come on... seriously... for someone who grew up in the midst of Hulkamania running wild, there was no song that made you feel more patriotic than "Real American." When the Hulkster was squaring off against some big, nasty foe from Russian or Iran or... France... and that music starting pumping and that big, vitamin-takin' genetic beast stormed out in the red and yellow with the American flag waving behind him, you knew America was about to get some payback, daddy!


1. Born In The USA - Bruce Springsteen
I really hate using this as #1 since it's not really a positive song about the United States but... well, I love it. It's funny because the song gets used by so many people trying to sell it as being patriotic [including the aforementioned Hogan before using "Real American"] but it's really a song about a young kid who gets drafted and sent off to fight in Vietnam and the shoddy way he's treated when he comes back home. All flowers, sunshine, and rainbows, huh?

And that's that. Enjoy your holiday, folks!