Where Do You See Yourself In 5 Years?

I really hate interviews.

What is it about a job interview that makes someone ask the dumbest possible question in hopes that your bullshit answer will be good enough to warrant putting their company's fate in your hands?

While sitting through one of the most by-the-numbers interviews that I've ever had, I started wondering what it would be like to intentionally sabotage yourself.

Picture an interview set up for yourself with the intention of just bombing miserably. A job you have no desire to get... just the desire to amuse yourself by making this employer wonder, "What the fuck was I thinking?"

I think it might go something like this.

"Well, so now that you know a little bit about the position, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"Sure! Well, first off, let me apologize in advance for my appearance. I had a real late night last night if you know what I'm saying. Basically, for the last ten years, I've bounced aimlessly from job to job because none of them pay enough and I work for a bunch of cockmongers."

"Ummm... okay. Well, describe your current position to me."

"Hike up that skirt a little more and I'll show my current position to you, darlin'."

"Uhhh."

"I sit at my desk, usually on the Internet... sometimes posting on my blog. I pretty much make it a regular habit to trash the hell out of the company I work for on my blog. It's entertaining but I guess it'd get me fired if they ever found out."

"What type of work do you do?"

"Hang up on people mostly. We get some real morons calling in. I mean... for Christ's sake, we sell product to Wal-Mart. That's like digging into the end of the genetic gene pool with something floating in it to find your customers, you know?"

"Err... okay. Well, what makes you want to work here at Dunder-Mifflin?"

"Money."

"Um... anything else?"

"Not really. I could give you some bullshit about looking for a challenge or wanting to broaden myself but I'm really only looking for extra cash when I open my wallet. Cheap booze isn't really as cheap as the name would imply."

"If you were to get this position, you would be an integral cog in our communications network. Do you feel comfortable with this responsibility?"

"Can I watch my iPod while I'm being a cog?"

"Well, we'd expect your full attention."

"The job only sounds like it'd take half a brain. I can use the other half to watch March of the Penguins, right?"

"It says you attended classes at UC Riverside."

"Went there. Not sure how many classes I attended."

"But you graduated, right?"

"As far as you know"

"Okay. Well, I think we're just about done here. Do you have any questions for me?"

"I really don't cause this experience has been as pleasant as Assless Chaps Night at Jenny Craig. But I'm sure you'd like me to ask something so I sound like a give a flying fuck about the company, right?"

"Ideally."

"If you could be any kind of animal, what would you be?"

"Uhhh."

"Payback's a bitch."


Something like that, right?

P.S. - Those of you in the LA area, hit socaluncensored.com on the right side of the page to go find out about the PWG show tomorrow night. I know all you TNA fans that read this want to see AJ Styles going for the PWG Title again not to mention the PWG return of Samoa Joe. Gonna be a good ol' time in the Jewish Community Center. See you there.

P.P.S. - Yes, I turned off unregisted comments. I'm very intolerant of intolerance and ignorant people were pissing me off. You want to call someone gay or a "beaner", you tell us your name, coward.

Song I'm Listening To Currently: Mad About You - Belinda Carlisle
Book I'm Reading Currently: "Eragon" by Christopher Paolini (don't have it with me but around p. 200)
Movie I Last Saw In The Theater: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire [IMAX]