Please Come Back!

It's actually been a long, long while since I've done a wrestling post from the best of my total recall so I thought I'd toss one out here for your reading enjoyment. During the drive to Vegas last week, I was checking out Wrestling Observer on my BlackBerry and discovered that the WWE had re-signed D-Lo Brown. It was a total out-of-nowhere move for them as the last I had heard, he was working as a backstage agent for TNA. There seems to be some debate regarding whether or not his new WWE position will be on or off camera but as someone who always enjoyed D-Lo in the ring and on the mic, I'm hoping for the former.

Yesterday, I saw a column written on another website suggesting ten former WWE competitors who need to make a comeback. The qualifications were that they had to be former WWE superstars and could not be currently under contract to TNA. Simple enough, right? I wasn't much of a fan for their list so in honor of D-Lo Brown's return to the WWE, I decided I would make my own list AND I'd go one step further by fantasy booking their return angle. Nifty, eh?

So, without further adieu and sans any order of importance...

10. Lita

In an age where most of the divas are all cookie cutter and it's easy to forget who is who, Lita stood out above them all. She always had a unique look and had the fans in the palm of her hand when she was with the Hardys. But she really hit her stride when she made the heel turn with Edge, becoming the bitch that everyone loves to hate.
HOW TO BRING HER BACK: The upcoming Edge/Vickie nuptials is the perfect place to launch a Lita comeback. At the "Let them speak now..." moment, Lita emerges from the entrance way. She tells Edge that she's back and they can be together again. Edge is obviously torn between his hot ex and the woman who is doing wonders for his career. You can draw out Edge's decision for a few weeks but he ultimately chooses his career over... well, you get the idea. Lita is pissed and promises to find someone to take the gold off Edge... maybe Matt Hardy? Hrm. Interesting. Instant feud!

9. Bryan Danielson
Yep, I'm stretching the rules a bit on this to include someone who was formerly a WWE employee - through the development system. Since then, Danielson has become the best in-ring performer in the entire business and deserves to be showcased on the biggest stage. Danielson could be the next Bret Hart or the like and is being wasted in front of a 1000 people at most.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: You start with a Shawn Michaels enemy - maybe an opportunity for another Marty Jannetty comeback? Let's go with that idea. At some point, HBK needs a tag partner versus some team... let's say Miz and Morrison. Jannetty shows up to be HBK's partner. At the key moment of the match, Jannetty scores the superkick on HBK, allowing Miz and Morrison to win. Jannetty joins up with Miz/Morrison, saying they're the future of the business like the Rockers were once upon a time. HBK challenges Jannetty for a singles match - Jannetty says he's retired but he's got someone that has been waiting years to face HBK. Danielson jumps HBK from behind, breaks him down, uses the elbow strikes to draw blood, etc. Jannetty reveals that Danielson is a former HBK student - a student HBK ignored while Danielson has fought for years to make it to the WWE. And off you go.

8. Jake Roberts
Fresh out of rehab is the time to use Jake - just in case. I hope he stays clean this time but history has not shown that to be likely. All accounts have him as one of the best wrestling minds outside of the ring and we all know just how good he used to be inside the ring. I realize he probably can't pull that off in 2008 but I think it'd be good enough for what I'd want to use him for.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: Teddy Long brings Jake into ECW as a favor "for an old friend." The announcers sell that he's fresh out of rehab, fresh off battling his demons again, and looking for one more chance in the spotlight. Jake struggles through his first few months but eventually, the DDT out of nowhere carries him to win after win after win. He earns a spot in a four way match for the ECW Title with Kane, Punk, Jake, and someone else... doesn't really matter who. Punk and the someone else batter Kane throughout the match with Jake just getting in spurts of offense before getting dropped. Punk ends up hitting Kane with G2S to lay him out. The someone else knocks Punk from the ring. Jake staggers up, grabs Kane as he gets up, DDT for the three count. Jake wins the ECW Title for a feel good moment - a moment that gets ruined as an irate Punk batters Jake with the Money In the Bank briefcase to a bloody mess. He cashes in the briefcase and gets the win with the Anaconda Vice. The basic justification for the turn is that as the Straight Edge Superstar, Punk couldn't stand to see an addict like Jake with the title. It launches a big Punk heel turn that should put him where he belongs.

7. Paul Heyman

The fact that Heyman is out of the business and off doing an Internet TV show is a sad statement on the business. And yes, I know it's Heyman's choice but the business is in his blood and the right offer would get him back, I know it would. Let's leave the off-camera Heyman out of it [even though he should still be booking ECW] and stick with on-camera Heyman for this.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: This is an easy one. Heyman "invades" ECW, being allowed to "shoot" on Vince about what he's done to his baby. Ultimately, Heyman brings in a new Dangerous Alliance to try to dominate ECW. Nothing big. Just Heyman being Heyman.

6. "Eugene" Nick Dinsmore
For YEARS, all wrestling fans would hear was how great Nick Dinsmore was inside the ring in Ohio Valley. Everyone was stoked when he got the call up to the big time. But all that excitement quickly faded when he was given the gimmmick of Eric Bischoff's "special" nephew. While Dinsmore did the best he could with what he was given, everyone knew the gimmmick would eventually die off and make him impossible to repackage. Unless...
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: How about as a member of the above-referenced Dangerous Alliance? How better to kick off a "new" ECW than to let one of ECW's old school tactics - the shoot - come back to life? Dinsmore returning as Eugene and then savagely attacking someone is how you start. Once on the mic, he cuts a promo about how he was forced to be someone he wasn't - how his talent was ignored in favor of a cheap laugh, etc. Should be a nice way to reintroduce him. Heyman could use him as an example of everything that is wrong with a Vince run company to turn ECW into the "rogue" promotion again.

5. Teddy Hart
I know, I know. He's fucking loony and you just never know what he'll do. Unfortunately, that's also what makes him one of the most entertaining people in the business. Teddy's got to make it to the WWE at some point - he's GOT to! I demand it! Make his uncle give him a stern talking to - a "one last chance" speech. Put him right on TV and let it fly.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: Easy! Make sure Natalya and DH Smith end up on the same show after the draft. Put them both on losing streaks. Then on some random show, make a mixed tag with them - they lose - and Teddy arrives to berate them both for embarrassing the Hart Family name. Your new Hart Foundation is born.

4. Monty Brown
Monty Brown was the WWE's best shot in recent times of recapturing some of the Goldberg/Lesnar feel of a big push off the bat for someone the fans would quickly come to support or fear... or both. But instead, he was turned into Marquis Cor Von, watered down, and turned to just another ECW guy in no time flat. There were still signs of the Alpha Male bubbling underneath but just occasionally. They need to bring him back and let him go full Monty Brown style to have a shot with him.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: Nothing fancy. Pretend he's completely new. Don't even acknowledge Marquis Cor Von. Just let him be Monty Brown, squashing jobbers left and right for the first couple months. You gotta let him use the Pounce though and you gotta put him on the mic. It'll work.

3. Tammy "Sunny" Sytch

I can't believe I even have to write this. After Tammy's appearance at the Raw anniversary show looking very Sunny-ish, I thought it was only a matter of time before she was brought back. As long as she's clean and can stay clean, she deserves a lifetime job as the woman who ushered in the new era of Divas.
HOW TO BRING HER BACK: Again, nothing fancy. Let Sunny be Sunny. The manipulative, manchasing, goldchasing woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

2. Muhammad Hassan
There is perhaps no bigger waste of talent in recent memory than this one. Hassan was hugely over as a heel. He was great on the mic. He was passable in the ring. There is no reason that Hassan couldn't have been the next big thing - except for Vince's envelope-pushing booking. It was an angle of bad taste and horrific timing that caused Hassan's fall from grace and it was truly sad to see.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: I was going to say "Let Hassan be Hassan" but something funny popped into my head. How about the booking of a "Legends Match" on some PPV? Let's say the Iron Sheik vs Duggan or Slaughter... someone who'll get the USA chants. Duggan or Sarge win, the crowd's going nuts - and out comes Hassan to get payback for the Sheik.

And the final former WWE employee who should return...

1. Daniel Puder

This is a bit of a longshot because I've seen no evidence that Puder is worth a damn in a pro wrestling ring - although Heyman apparently thought he could be a big star when he was booking OVW so that lends a lot of confidence to me to make this pick. Plus, Puder's ROH appearances seemed to get a ton of heat as well. I think it's worth the risk.
HOW TO BRING HIM BACK: To do this effectively, you have to do the one thing that Vince does not like to do - you have to mention someone who left on bad terms. Picture it. On a random Raw or Smackdown, we come back from commercial to see video footage of the Tough Enough contest with Angle and Puder. An announcer doing a voiceover, explains the Kimura - maybe even a telestrator or something to point it out. They explain that Daniel Puder just made an Olympic Gold Medalist tap out. The footage runs on a few more shows, adding some commentary from Puder over it - "I tapped out the golden boy", "they got rid of me to keep him happy", "I've been trying to get back here for years to prove it wasn't a fluke." Finally, Puder returns, probably with an agent or manager [Larry Sweeney perhaps?] and goes on to squash jobbers with submission wins to the Kimura for months.

And that's that. I hope you enjoyed cause it took a long time to write all that!