The Ten Demandments Of Dodger Fandom

EDIT - 4/15, 8:41 AM - Added the promised photos at the bottom

As you are all aware, I attended the Dodgers/Padres game on Friday night at Dodger Stadium. I entered the gates with excitement to see my first game of the season, with enthusiasm for the new season, and with hope that the home team would be able to avenge their bitter loss to Jake Peavy and his Padres the week prior.

I left the stadium disappointed, deflated, and embarassed.

And it wasn't because they lost [although that didn't help one bit.]

Somewhere around the seventh inning when the Dodgers were suffering a slight deficit on the scoreboard, a scattering of fans somewhere near us began chanting "PADRES SUCK!" We remarked with amusement that the chant was a tough one to get behind when we were losing. Soon, the crowd was abuzz and on their feet... but unfortunately, it wasn't looking at the field. Instead, they were looking at the aforementioned section of seats where apparently a Padres fan had taken offense to the chant.

Some predictable shit-talking had ensued and had now escalated to threats of physical violence. I've seen this kind of thing happen at the Stadium before. It's usually broken up in short order and people sink back into their seats a little embarassed by their actions. But this time, no security arrived for a long, long time. I later speculated they must have been waiting for backup because when they arrived, it was en masse. Some pushing and shoving, some screaming and shouting, some shirts removed, some severe posturing occurred. Security arrived... managed to get some control and were in the process of kicking both parties out when suddenly another scuffle broke out as someone else reached out to shove one of the parties getting kicked out. The whole scene probably took ten minutes or so to resolve itself and in the process, the Pads had chalked up another couple runs.

A family that was seated in front of us with their kids who were attending their first game, bailed out and fled the section. And who can really blame them? And to top it off, who knows if they'll be quick to come back next time?

So, like I said... I was embarassed to be wearing the same jersey as these jackasses who decided that they were willing to physically defend their team's honor at any costs. I was concerned that the Stadium's crowd has devolved down the evolutionary scale so badly. Over the years, the Dodger fans have slowly gained a worse and worse reputation and this is exactly why. I don't know if it's leftover Raiders fans who just came down the freeway [and yes, I know exactly how that sounds] or what.

I've seen it get worse and worse over the years. Now it seems like every time I go to the Stadium, I see someone get kicked out for trying to start a fight with an opposing team's fans. Really? Are you serious? I'm all for giving another team's fans shit in your home stadium but to actually try to get physically provoke them? Lifetime ban from the Stadium sounds appropriate to me.

I'll leave the security measures to the Stadium but something needs to be done before the Stadium empties out of kids and families and people are legitimately afraid to walk through the turnstiles.

With that in mind, I propose a little self-government. I've come up with a list of Ten Demandments - no, not Commandments because God knows we wouldn't want to be sacriligious but Demandments ala Hulk Hogan telling us to say our prayers, take our vitamins, believe in ourselves, and inject your 600mg of Deca-Durabolin daily. These are the Ten Demandments of Dodger Fandom - the rules that all Dodger fans should be required to follow for their own sanity and the sanity of those around them.


The Ten Demandments Of Dodger Fandom

1. Thou Shalt Keep Hands, Feet, Objects To Yourself
Obviously as the inspiration for this post, this is the first one... the biggie. Hey, I'm as big a fan as anyone in that Stadium and I've never felt the need to physically assault someone over the action of the field. I believe in the shit-talking. I believe in telling Padres fans that it's "cute" that their team hangs divisional title banners and that we'd do it if we had room next to all our World Championship banners. I believe in believing all Angels fans are bandwagon jumping whores who don't recognize the names of Donnie Moore, Brian Downing, and Doug DeCinces and I believe in letting them know that odds are high that I know more about their team then they do. But I also believe that that's as far it should go. No flinging peanuts at high velocities... no chocolate malts winged through the sky... no threats of physical violence... and absolutely no escalation to physical violence. If you can't beat them down with your words, you're not enough of a man to continue the battle so sit the fuck down and shut up.

2. Thou Shalt Leave The Beach Balls At The Beach
I have made it my personal mission to rid the Stadium of the beach ball. Any ball that comes near me is going over the railing if I have anything to say about it [and on Friday night, my friend Phil and I sent two of them over the edge.] It's disrespectful to the players on the field and to the other fans who are trying to watch and enjoy a baseball game. I didn't sign on to play beach ball when I buy my ticket so get the fucking things away from me.

3. Thou Shalt Not Do "The Wave"
Seriously, people. Los Angeles and Southern California in general are always supposed to be on the cutting edge... keeping up with the trends... all that shit. So why the hell do we perform like circus animals in our Stadium doing some kind of fan ritual that first popped up in the mid-80's. Do fans in other stadiums even do "The Wave" anymore? And it's just so fucking pathetic to watch the people in the pavillion try to get the damn thing started inning after inning repeatedly until people just give in and do it out of mercy. If the height of its popularity was an old TBS Superstation commercial in the 80's, it's probably time to give it up.

4. Thou Shalt Put Your Trash Under Your Seat
This is an easy one. Just chuck it under your chair. Don't try to shove it under the seat in front of you. Don't put it under your feet so people can't walk through the row without stepping in nacho cheese. Just stuff it under your seat and be done with it.

5. Thou Shalt Not Boo The Home Team
Man, I felt so bad for Andruw Jones on Friday night. Yes, he's struggling. Yes, we'll all spend the whole season tearing our hair out if he keeps hitting this way and makes that much money. But does booing him really help? You think that's going to inspire him to suddenly smack one out of the Stadium? It's just classless. Talk as much shit as you want about his performance but there's no need to boo him when he pops up in a clutch situation. Cheer the name on the front of the uniform if you can't cheer the one on the back.

6. Thou Shalt Not Keep Your Eyes Locked On Your Cellphone
Okay, I understand the need/desire to do it a bit. Hell, I even took the Blackberry with me to do some liveblogging and take some pictures. But I was doing it between innings for the most part. I've seen people spend the entire game with their eyes glued to their phone for whatever reason. What's the point? Stay home. In yesterday's game, there was a foul bowl hit in the Dugout Seats that some fool missed WHILE WEARING A GLOVE because he was too busy chatting on his cell phone. He got booed. See, HIM... you boo!

7. Thou Shalt Not Settle For Steamed Dodger Dogs
It may be an odd one but it's an important one! How could anyone settle for one of those boiled/steamed Dodger Dogs when you can walk twenty more feet away and pick up one of those awesome Grilled Dodger Dogs? Mmmmm. And more importantly, if everyone demands Grilled Dodger Dogs, eventually every stand will have them!

8. Thou Shalt Not Root For Injuries
I can't stand it when someone goes down on the field and the fans cheer. I can't stand hearing someone get excited at the fact that so-and-so went down with a torn hammy and will miss the upcoming big game. It all comes 'round in the end. It's bad karma if you believe in that sort of thing. If you don't, it's just in really poor taste and means you should probably be on one of the lower circle of Hell... or a Giants fan.

9. Thou Shalt Listen To Vin Scully When Given The Chance
Friday night was mini Helmet Radio night. They gave out these mini battery-powered radios with batteries that were pre-programmed to the Dodgers radio station. So, why were the people I with some of the only people in our section that ripped the boxes open to listen to Vinny call the game? The man is a treasure of the game and should be cherished as one. There was a time when I was a kid that people used to bring huge radios to the Stadium with them just so they could listen to Vinny while they were watching the game. You could hear his voice through the entire Stadium. Now? You're more likely to listen to someone discussing what happened on Grey's Anatomy the night before.

10. Thou Shalt Know Your Dodger History
Please, please, please make an attempt to know your Dodger History if you're going to hold yourself up as a Dodger fan. I'm not talking stats, dates, etc. although all those are nice. But at least have some kind of familiarity with the legends of the team's history. You should know names from the 90's like Mike Piazza and Eric Karros. You should know names from the 80's like Kirk Gibson, Fernando Valenzuela, Pedro Guerrero, and Orel Hershiser among others. You should know names from the 70s like Ron Cey and Steve Garvey. You should know names from the 60s like Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale, and Maury Wills. And you really should even go further back like Johnny Podres, Pee Wee Reese, Gil Hodges, Roy Campanella, Don Newcombe, and so on and so. Come on, people. Just make a little effort. Don't be an Angels fan and not know who was on your team before... well, last week.

And that's that. Just to show that I'm not all piss and vinegar about the Dodgers now, here are a few pictures from Friday night that I wanted to share...