Let's Get Ready To Rumble

It's just about time for my second favorite day of the year as a wrestling fan. If I ever just completely stopped wrestling altogether... if it became so shitty that I just couldn't stand watching... I bet I'd still get the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania on PPV. The only two guaranteed buys per year from me anymore.

So... it's prediction time with a little of my own creativity thrown in. For each match on the PPV, I'll give you what I think will happen... and what I think should happen.

These are for the listed matches on wwe.com so blame them if I miss anything.

Here we go...

WWE Championship Match - Edge vs John Cena
What should happen: You know what I think should happen. I think Edge should retain the title by hook or by crook. Preferably something decisive to avoid a Mania rematch.
What will happen: I think they'll do the right thing here. I'll pick Edge to retain with Vince hoping the strong ratings of late will continue.

World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kurt Angle vs Mark Henry
What should happen: Kurt should obviously win this one and do so cleanly to position him as the undisputed champion for Smackdown.
What will happen: Can't imagine any other finish than Angle retaining unless they decide to do a Feb PPV rematch. Eh... I'll pick Angle by pinfall.

The Boogeyman vs. JBL
What should happen: Boogeyman does his schtick, amuses the crowd, and eats a clothesline from hell to give JBL the win. I don't see Boogeyman ever doing big things in the E despite be fairly entertaining at the moment.
What will happen: Boogeyman takes the win... maybe by countout as JBL flees from some worm chicanery.

Mickie James vs. Ashley - Trish Stratus as special guest referee
What should happen: Something...anything to further the Trish/Mickie story. It doesn't really matter who wins in the long run.
What will happen: I'd imagine Ashley will win with some kind of controversy surrounding a Trish decision leading to Mickie/Trish at Mania.

The Royal Rumble
[NOTE: As of "press time", not all 30 people in the Rumble have been announced. I'll assume there's no major surprise coming when making my predictions.]

Let's break it down like this...

No Chance [That's What You've Got]
******************
Trevor Murdoch - Not a chance for ol' Trev. In an ideal world, he would have gotten pushed on arrival and would be at a solid IC level at the moment. But that didn't happen so he'll be cannon fodder for this one.

Viscera - Nope. No chance that the big pimp gets to main event a Mania.

Jonathan Coachman - 'nuff said.

Orlando Jordan - Nope. But he probably will get highlighted a bit in a brawl with Booker T to further their issue.

Sylvan - Riiiiight. In what bizarre world does La Resistance split up and the least talented of the three end up in the Rumble?

Road Warrior Animal - It'll be good for a nostalgia pop but that's about it.

Johnny Nitro - Some years, I'd say they might throw Nitro and Mercury out at one and two to relive the Demolition moment but this year I think they have other plans for number one.

Joey Mercury - See above.

Simon Dean - Poor, poor Nova. He won't even be in the Rumble unless Vince just finds it funny seeing him ride the Nova Cycle to the ring. Look for him to be the guy that gets punked out for his spot in the match... maybe by the Boogeyman.

Super Crazy - Crazy, since London and Kendrick didn't "make the cut", your job is to die in an incredible elimination spot. Carry on!

Psicosis - See above!


In A Dream World
****************
Rob Van Dam - In a dream world, RVD would come back from his injury to a triumphant victory in the Rumble, bringing a fresh face into the World Title scene as he moves on to Mania to meet... gasp... another fairly fresh face. Come on... like it's not the perfect tagline to say "What happens when the Rated R Superstar gets taken... to the Extreme."

Carlito - Too soon. Maybe in a year or two, Carlito will be a favorite but not yet.

Shelton Benjamin - Shelton should have been on the fast track to the Wrestlemania main event but got shoved back down the ladder after the mini-Triple H angle.

Chavo Guerrero - In a dream world, Chavo would have gotten the post-Eddy push since the fans are dying to cheer for him whenever they see him now. In a dream world, he would have lied and cheated and stealed [stealed?] his way to at least the very end of the Rumble. Alas, it's not likely to happen.

Matt Hardy - In a dream world, Matt Hardy wins the Rumble and immediately declares his intention to go back to Raw and finish what he started with Edge... and this time on the biggest stage of them all.

Lashley - Too soon, Brockcito.

Booker T - You had your shot, Booker. That train ain't comin' back around.


You Never Know
**************
Big Show - Vince likes big guys. I suppose Big Show/Angle might be a pretty decent main event and give Smackdown a little extra star power. Big Show/Edge doesn't sound too appealing though.

Kane - The movie's coming out. Can Vince resist the urge to cross-promote on the biggest stage of the year?

Chris Masters - The rookie's on a roll... but I don't think it's his time yet. Main eventing Mania would be a ungodly amount of pressure to put on him.


Here Comes The Money
********************
Shawn Michaels - The Vince/HBK angle has to be going somewhere. I'd imagine Vince will rig the drawing and put HBK #1. And I'd also imagine he'll probably almost go the distance to play up that angle. I don't think he'll win though. If he does, he'd almost have to jump to Smackdown to face Angle... and would Vince follow behind to mess with him on Smackdown instead? Might help Smackdown some. Possible... but not likely, I think.

Triple H - We're all stunned that HHH has managed to stay away from the World Title for an entire year. It's done his character a world of good as he doesn't instantly anger me when he's on camera. The Flair angle was good... the Big Show feud was done well. But I have absolutely no desire to see HHH/Cena or HHH/Edge. However, I'd be in favor of HHH/Angle... but would HHH jump off "the flagship" to help the B-show? Another one that's possible... not not likely, IMO.

Ric Flair - One last ride for the Nature Boy? Most of us would love to see it and the Edge/Flair angle seems like it could easily go until Mania with proper mic time for Flair. I'm totally in favor of this one without a doubt in my mind. And with as much as Vince loves Flair... I wouldn't be stunned if it happened.

Chris Benoit - Hrmm. While the idea of Benoit/Angle main eventing Wrestlemania gives most of us the happy pants, it seems kind of odd to put him in that position after losing the US Title series. Possible... but very unlikely, I think.

Randy Orton - Orton/Angle? Orton/Edge? Neither sound all that appealing to me. I think Orton's headed for an upper Mania match with Benoit but there's no gold in his future yet.

That brings me to the person who I both think should and will win the Royal Rumble...

Rey Misterio - All the chips are in place. He's over with the fans, he moves merchandize, he was positioned with the top guys for almost all of 2005. He's been put in the position of "almost winning" in both the battle royal for the gold and the #1 contender match. He's dedicated the match to Eddie. He drew HHH's attention at the Press Conference.

I think Rey will draw a low number and conquer all the odds for the ultimate in underdog stories that will culminate at Wrestlemania in what should be an incredible match between Angle and Rey.

If there was ever a time to give Rey a shot, it's now. If you ever had the faith that he _might_ be able to carry the company, you've gotta give him that chance right now. There will never be a better opportunity to see if he can bring back the youthful audience... bring back the Internet fans who shit on the product... bring back the Latino market they're bleeding away... bring back the fans who are saying the "other guys" have better in-ring action...

Rey Misterio as your World Champion?

It's gotta happen. The stars are aligned.

Make it happen, Vince... make it happen.

Song I'm Listening To Currently: None.. but dreaming of an iPod video
Book I'm Reading Currently: "Eragon" by Christopher Paolini (p. 129)
Movie I Last Saw: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire [IMAX]